I for one found the original funny.
But I think if anything it's the layout holding it back, seems like you're thinking almost in video/animation rather than comic, since all the panels are even and they alternate for no true reason, I'd even say you got too many frames
You focus too much in making evident the car movement, you could have only one shot of it moving it horizontally, or the close up shots of only the guy's face, you could do both with a shot in the same viewpoint as your close up shots, but whit a little less zoom.
I'd have
1 sidescroller view of the car and the sign.
2 sign says go
3 guy looks
4 sign reads stop
5 mid-shot of the guy speeding confident
6 debris reaching the stopsign (the kills count thing?)
be creative with the way you arrange them too, it gives a lot more emotion if you dont use some regular grid troughout the whole page.
