AuthorTopic: Critique on portrait  (Read 3279 times)

Offline passededge

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Critique on portrait

on: October 22, 2010, 03:14:53 pm
Hey everyone! I've been commissioning artists for a while now, and this is the first time I've tried something like this (even though I've wanted to for a while).

Basically I've received permission from the extremely talented tyvon http://www.wayofthepixel.net/pixelation/index.php?topic=10360.0 to post one of his pieces for critique.  It's for a game I'm working on, and while it looks great, everything without exception can be improved if you get good feedback from fellow artists.  So that's what I'm hoping for; some constructive criticism to improve the art that will be used in my game.

So here's the artwork  and here's the reference http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/213/2/b/The_Alchemist_by_Jin_api.jpg The artist of the reference is Jin-api http://jin-api.deviantart.com/

I'm hoping a lot for feedback on the eyes, hair, mouth and marking on his cheek.

Thanks!

Offline SwapBrain

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Re: Critique on portrait

Reply #1 on: October 22, 2010, 05:11:18 pm


My initial response is that even for anime facial structure, the cheekbone on the left is far far too low, and at the very least does not seem to match up with the cheekbone on the opposite side of the face (as indicated by the light/shadow). Also, based on my (extremely slapdash) edit, the eyes may be off-center. Lastly, I would reckon that you could lose some colors, although I myself am not particularly obsessed with low color counts.

From a content point-of-view, the facial expression is very creepy/generic anime. Yes I understand that he is a fun-loving and golden-hearted youthful ne'er-do-well, or something, but I think the style carries that baggage and not the facial expression, if you follow. A portrait is an opportunity for the character to interact with the viewer as a person, (not necessarily by staring directly at them, mind.) Here he seems to be the victim of those unfortunate photographs taken of people mid-word.

Finally, this person has 3 'sides' of the whites of his eyes showing. Look at the link below for a highly unscientific explanation to why this may be a concern.

http://www.octogenariansblog.com/san-paku-three-sides-of-white-showing-in-the-eyes/

All that said, there is much to like in this picture, and I hope my nitpicking is helpful.

Offline passededge

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Re: Critique on portrait

Reply #2 on: October 22, 2010, 06:22:43 pm


My initial response is that even for anime facial structure, the cheekbone on the left is far far too low, and at the very least does not seem to match up with the cheekbone on the opposite side of the face (as indicated by the light/shadow). Also, based on my (extremely slapdash) edit, the eyes may be off-center. Lastly, I would reckon that you could lose some colors, although I myself am not particularly obsessed with low color counts.

From a content point-of-view, the facial expression is very creepy/generic anime. Yes I understand that he is a fun-loving and golden-hearted youthful ne'er-do-well, or something, but I think the style carries that baggage and not the facial expression, if you follow. A portrait is an opportunity for the character to interact with the viewer as a person, (not necessarily by staring directly at them, mind.) Here he seems to be the victim of those unfortunate photographs taken of people mid-word.

Finally, this person has 3 'sides' of the whites of his eyes showing. Look at the link below for a highly unscientific explanation to why this may be a concern.

http://www.octogenariansblog.com/san-paku-three-sides-of-white-showing-in-the-eyes/

All that said, there is much to like in this picture, and I hope my nitpicking is helpful.



That's all very helpful, thanks a lot! I never noticed before, but I see what you mean by the cheekbone being too low.  Also, good call with the eyes -.-  His expression is supposed to be happy, and it's a talking portrait, so I don't know if his expression needs to be changed at all?

Thanks again!

Offline EvilEye

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Re: Critique on portrait

Reply #3 on: October 22, 2010, 07:02:31 pm
I was surprised when I saw the reference and realized it is a he. It clearly looks female here. There are some key reasons for this: The face is too narrow, the nose is curved up ( should be straighter ), the eyelashes too heavy, the neck is too thin. Take a look at the artist who's work you are emulating, see how he does male faces.

Other then that there are some key structure problems. The eyes don't seem to line up for that angle. The mouth is too low. The nose is too long. The bulge in the cheek is too far out. The two scars don't really look like scars, they look like hair.

I'd do an edit but I suck at anime :blind:


Finally, this person has 3 'sides' of the whites of his eyes showing. Look at the link below for a highly unscientific explanation to why this may be a concern.

http://www.octogenariansblog.com/san-paku-three-sides-of-white-showing-in-the-eyes/

All that said, there is much to like in this picture, and I hope my nitpicking is helpful.

Oh ya, what the hell is this?
« Last Edit: October 22, 2010, 07:07:26 pm by EvilEye »

Offline Tourist

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Re: Critique on portrait

Reply #4 on: October 22, 2010, 07:46:24 pm
Wow.  Significant facial construction problems.  SwapBrain and EvilEye cover a lot, but I'll add to what they wrote.

Take a generic face and draw a line from eye to eye.  Draw another one from cheekbone to cheekbone.  These lines will be parallel when viewed from the front and slightly off parallel as the head tilts and turns.   In your image the eyes are almost horizontal and the cheek to cheek line is at an absurd angle.  Compare to the reference image.

You could fix this by raising the cheek, bu that may affect the position of the nose if you raise it too much.  Consider lowering the eye (the one is shadow) significantly as well.

In a similar fashion, the line of the mouth will be along this same sort of angle, although this is subject to more variation due to facial expression, and tilt of the head.  In this image, the mouth is pure horizontal, unlike the lines for the eyes and the cheeks, and it looks horribly wrong.  The mouth completely ignores the tilt of the head and the line of the jaw.

If this were a cheap animation frame that would only be visible on the screen for a a fraction of a second you could probably get away with it.  If this is for a static portrait image then redo the mouth completely, or else redo the cheek and jawline on the left side completely.

I took the liberty of removing most of the facial features.  Where would you add the eye, nose, mouth?



The scars are too close in color to the hair, I also mistook them for hair strands on first viewing.  Their dark outline separates them from the skin, so I think that could be reduced in contrast.

The lighting on the face is inconsistent.  There is a highlight on the cheek, but no highlight on the surface of the nose that faces the same direction. 

It's not all bad.  The basic pixel work looks ok to me, although some of the AA is overdone (along the line of the nose, for instance).  The hair looks good.  The colors are good.  I like the hint of an ear - it's a nice touch.

Hope this helps,
Tourist

Offline SwapBrain

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Re: Critique on portrait

Reply #5 on: October 23, 2010, 05:29:33 am
Quote
Oh ya, what the hell is this?

S'funny - This is my first encounter with it's Japanese name, though I first came across this principle some time ago while reading a document on body language during interrogation. As with many things related to these schools of thought (happy feet, telephone pose, etc.,) it is hardly a hard and fast rule of course. Remember kids, it is the changes in body language, not the individual poses!

Anyway, the reason I point it out is that it is unusual for the 3 sides of the whites to be showing without shock, surprise, or if someone is looking up at you. In this case, you might be able to argue that last point depending on how the facial structure edits work out. The head may be bowed slightly, for instance.