You know that feeling when you're on a crowded subway, but you’ve got your noise-canceling headphones on and you're staring out the window at the tunnel lights? You aren't really there. Physically, sure, your body is taking up space. But mentally, you’re in a world of my own. It’s a phrase we usually associate with Alice in Wonderland or maybe a daydreaming kid in the back of a math class, but honestly, it’s becoming the default setting for almost everyone I know.
We’re living through a weird paradox. We are more "connected" than any generation in human history, yet we spend an enormous amount of energy trying to curate a private reality. It’s a defense mechanism. The world is loud, messy, and frankly, a bit much sometimes. So, we retreat. We build these digital and mental cocoons.
But here’s the thing: staying in a world of my own isn't just about being "antisocial." There’s a lot of real science behind why our brains crave this detachment.
The Psychology of the Inner Sanctuary
Psychologists often talk about "dissociation" or "maladaptive daydreaming," but those feel like heavy, clinical terms for something that is often just a survival strategy. When you say you’re in a world of your own, you’re essentially accessing the Default Mode Network (DMN) in your brain. This is the system that kicks in when you aren't focusing on the outside world.
It’s where your "self" lives.
Dr. Eli Somer, who first identified the concept of maladaptive daydreaming, noted that for some people, these internal worlds are so vivid they provide more emotional fulfillment than real life. That sounds scary, but for most of us, it’s just a way to process the day. If you didn’t have that inner world, you’d just be a reactive machine.
Think about the last time you were stuck in a boring meeting. You probably weren't listening to the quarterly projections. You were probably imagining what you’d cook for dinner or replaying a conversation from three years ago. You were gone. And that’s fine. It’s actually healthy.
The Digital Cocoon: Technology as an Architect
Technology has made it way too easy to stay in a world of my own. Back in the day, if you wanted to ignore people, you had to hold up a physical newspaper or just stare blankly at a wall. Now? You have an algorithm that knows exactly what makes you happy, angry, or intrigued.
👉 See also: Why the Man Black Hair Blue Eyes Combo is So Rare (and the Genetics Behind It)
Your "For You Page" is literally a personalized world built just for you.
This creates a "filter bubble," a term coined by internet activist Eli Pariser. It’s not just about politics; it’s about vibe. If you only see content that reinforces your current mood, you stay trapped in that internal loop. You lose the "friction" of the real world. Real life is full of things we don't like—bad smells, loud neighbors, differing opinions. When we spend too much time in a world of my own, we lose the calluses we need to deal with those things.
The danger isn't the dreaming. It's the lack of exit doors.
Why We Choose the Inner World Over the Outer One
It's about control.
- Predictability: In your head, you know what happens next. The real world is chaotic.
- Safety: Nobody can judge your thoughts. You’re the hero of your own narrative.
- Dopamine: Digital versions of our inner worlds provide instant hits of satisfaction that real-life interactions—which require effort and compromise—rarely do.
I spoke with a friend recently who told me they’ve started "ghosting" reality. They’ll be at a party, feel a bit of social anxiety, and instead of pushing through it, they’ll just pull out their phone. Within seconds, they are back in their curated space. They’re "in a world of my own" while standing three feet away from a bowl of chips and five potential new friends. It’s a quiet tragedy of the modern age.
The Creative Power of Being "Gone"
It's not all bad, though. Some of the greatest human achievements came because someone refused to live in the "real" world.
Look at J.R.R. Tolkien. The man didn't just write a book; he built a linguistic and historical framework for an entire continent. He lived in a world of his own for decades. The same goes for scientists like Nikola Tesla, who reportedly could visualize his inventions in such high detail that he didn't even need to build prototypes to know if they’d work.
✨ Don't miss: Chuck E. Cheese in Boca Raton: Why This Location Still Wins Over Parents
When we allow ourselves to drift, we engage in divergent thinking. This is the ability to see multiple solutions to a single problem. If you are always "present" and always "grounded," you’re stuck with what is right in front of you. You need that detachment to see what could be.
How to Tell if You’re Too Deep in the Rabbit Hole
So, how do you know if your internal retreat is a healthy break or a problematic escape? It usually comes down to "functional impairment."
If you find yourself missing deadlines because you were lost in a fantasy, or if you feel a sense of intense irritability when the real world interrupts your thoughts, you might be over-indexing on your internal life. There’s a term for this in mindfulness circles called "prapañca," which is basically the tendency of the mind to proliferate thoughts until they overwhelm reality.
You start with a simple thought: "I should go for a walk."
Then it becomes: "If I go for a walk, I might see my neighbor."
Then: "If I see my neighbor, they might ask about my job."
Then: "I don't want to talk about my job because I’m failing."
Suddenly, you’re paralyzed in a world of your own making, and all you did was think about a walk.
Breaking the Cycle Without Losing the Magic
The goal isn't to kill your imagination. That would be boring. The goal is to make sure you have a "tether" to the ground.
One of the most effective ways to do this is through sensory grounding. It’s the classic 5-4-3-2-1 technique. Find five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, and so on. It sounds cheesy, but it forces your brain to shut down the DMN and engage the Task Positive Network (TPN). It’s like hitting a reset button on your consciousness.
Another trick? Scheduled daydreaming. Give yourself twenty minutes a day to just... sit. No phone. No music. Just let your brain go wherever it wants. When you give the "inner world" a dedicated time slot, it’s less likely to hijack your brain during your sister's wedding or a job interview.
🔗 Read more: The Betta Fish in Vase with Plant Setup: Why Your Fish Is Probably Miserable
The Social Cost of Being "In a World of My Own"
There is a collective loneliness happening right now. If everyone is in their own world, who is in the shared world?
We see this in "phubbing"—the act of snubbing someone in favor of your phone. We see it in the decline of "third places" like coffee shops or parks where people actually talk to strangers. When we retreat into a world of my own, we stop contributing to the shared social fabric.
Authentic connection requires vulnerability. You can't be vulnerable if you’re hiding behind a mental curtain. It takes guts to stay present when things are uncomfortable.
Practical Steps to Balancing Your Inner and Outer Worlds
If you feel like you've been drifting a bit too much lately, here’s how to pull back without losing your creative spark:
- Practice "Analog Hours": For at least one hour a day, engage in an activity that requires your hands. Gardening, cooking, drawing, or even just cleaning. Physicality is the enemy of unhealthy rumination.
- Audit Your Digital Entrances: Look at your phone's home screen. Are those apps windows to the real world, or doors into a curated fantasy? Delete the ones that make you feel more disconnected from your actual life.
- Narrate Your Reality: When you feel yourself slipping away during a social interaction, try mentally narrating what is happening. "I am sitting in a chair. The coffee is warm. My friend is wearing a blue shirt." This keeps the "observer" part of your brain active in the present moment.
- Check Your "Why": Ask yourself why you’re retreating. Is it because you’re tired? Or is it because you’re avoiding a specific emotion? Understanding the motive helps you decide if the escape is earned or avoidant.
- Engage in Shared Dreaming: Instead of keeping your world private, share it. Tell someone about a weird dream or a "what if" scenario. Bringing the inner world into the light of conversation makes it a bridge rather than a wall.
Living in a world of my own is a uniquely human superpower. It allows us to plan, create, and find peace in a chaotic environment. But like any power, it’s dangerous if you don't know how to turn it off. The world outside might be messy, but it’s the only place where you can actually touch someone’s hand or smell the rain. Don't spend so much time in your head that you forget to live in your life.
Start by putting the phone down for ten minutes. Look at the shadows on the wall. Listen to the hum of the fridge. Realize that right here, right now, is actually enough.
Actionable Insight: Today, pick one moment where you usually "check out"—like waiting for the bus or standing in line for coffee—and stay completely present. Observe three specific details about your environment that you would usually ignore. Notice how the urge to retreat feels, and simply choose to stay "out" for a few minutes longer than usual. Over time, this builds the mental muscle needed to navigate both your inner world and the real one with equal ease.