It starts small. Maybe it’s the way he checks his phone while you’re pouring your heart out about a rough day at work. Or perhaps it’s that sharp, biting "joke" he makes in front of your friends that leaves you feeling small, even though everyone else is laughing. You tell yourself it’s fine. He’s stressed. He had a bad childhood. Work is a nightmare. But then you wake up one Tuesday morning, look at the person sleeping next to you, and the thought hits you like a physical weight: I am just so tired of the way he treats me.
It isn't always about a "big" event. Real life isn't a soap opera with dramatic slaps and cinematic betrayals every week. Usually, it's the "death by a thousand cuts." It’s the low-level hum of disrespect that eventually becomes the background noise of your entire life.
The emotional tax of the "Slow Fade"
When you reach the point of being "tired," you aren't just angry. Anger has energy. Being tired is different. It’s a profound, soul-deep exhaustion that comes from constantly translating someone else’s poor behavior into something acceptable. You’ve become an unpaid emotional interpreter. You tell your mom, "Oh, he didn't mean it that way," or you tell yourself, "He’s just not a communicator."
Dr. John Gottman, a world-renowned psychological researcher who has spent four decades studying marital stability, identifies "contempt" as the single greatest predictor of a relationship's demise. Contempt isn't just a mean comment. It’s a position of superiority. If he’s rolling his eyes, using sarcasm to belittle you, or mimicking your voice during an argument, he isn't just being "cranky." He’s eroding the foundation of your self-worth.
You aren't crazy for feeling drained.
Constant criticism or emotional unavailability triggers a chronic stress response in the body. Your cortisol levels spike. You might find you aren't sleeping well, or you’re getting headaches more often. It’s your body’s way of saying the environment is no longer safe. Honestly, your nervous system usually knows the relationship is over long before your brain is willing to admit it.
Why do we stay when we’re exhausted?
It’s the "Sunk Cost Fallacy." You’ve put three, five, ten years into this person. You know his coffee order. You know his favorite shirt. You’ve supported him through his promotions and his father’s funeral. The idea of "wasting" all that time feels worse than the current misery. But here’s the reality: those years are gone whether you stay or leave. The only thing you can control is whether you waste the next ten years.
There’s also the "intermittent reinforcement" factor. This is a term from behavioral psychology (think B.F. Skinner and his pigeons). If a pigeon gets a pellet every time it hits a lever, it’s happy. If it stops getting pellets, it eventually stops hitting the lever. But if it only gets a pellet sometimes—totally at random—it becomes obsessed. It will hit that lever until it collapses from exhaustion.
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Relationships are the same. If he’s mean for three days and then suddenly brings you flowers and tells you you’re beautiful, your brain gets a massive hit of dopamine. It’s a drug. You think, See? The "real" him is still in there. Actually, the "real" him is the person who treats you poorly. The flowers are just the occasional pellet that keeps you hitting the lever.
Tired of the way he treats me: Identifying the non-negotiables
We need to talk about what "bad treatment" actually looks like in 2026, because it’s shifted. It’s not just about shouting.
- Weaponized Incompetence: This is when he "forgets" how to do the laundry or "accidentally" ruins the grocery list so you’ll just do it yourself. It’s a way of saying your time is less valuable than his.
- The Silent Treatment: This is emotional punishment. It’s a power play designed to make you beg for forgiveness, even when you did nothing wrong. Clinical psychologists often categorize prolonged silence as a form of emotional abuse because it triggers the same parts of the brain as physical pain.
- Gaslighting: If you say, "It hurt my feelings when you said that," and he responds with, "You’re too sensitive," or "That never happened," he is rewriting your reality.
If you find yourself googling "how to make him understand my feelings" for the hundredth time, you have your answer. You cannot "logic" someone into respecting you. If he wanted to understand, he would.
The myth of "The Talk"
We’ve been conditioned to believe that one perfect conversation—the right combination of words, the perfect "I feel" statements—will finally flip a switch in his head.
It won't.
Communication only works when both people are playing by the same rules. If you’re trying to build a bridge and he’s busy throwing stones, no amount of "effective communication" will save the structure. Most women who are tired of the way he treats me have already had "The Talk" twenty times. The problem isn't a lack of communication; it’s a lack of consequences.
Boundaries aren't about changing him. That’s a huge misconception. A boundary is a rule for yourself. It’s not "You can’t talk to me like that." It’s "If you talk to me like that, I am going to leave the room." See the difference? One is an attempt to control him (which fails); the other is an exercise of your own agency.
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Reclaiming the "You" before him
Do you remember who you were before you started spending 40% of your brain power managing his moods?
Maybe you loved hiking. Maybe you were the funny friend. Maybe you had big career goals that now feel like a distant memory because you’re too tired to focus. When you’re in a relationship where you’re treated poorly, your world shrinks. You stop taking risks. You stop shining because you don't want to draw his negative attention.
You’ve become a ghost in your own life.
It’s time to start "de-centering" him. This is a concept that has gained a lot of traction lately, and for good reason. It means putting your own needs, hobbies, and peace of mind at the center of your universe, rather than orbiting his whims. Spend a Saturday away. Turn off your phone. Reconnect with the person you were before you became "the one who deals with him."
The "Stay or Go" Audit
If you’re stuck in the middle, try this. It’s a variation of the "Future Self" exercise used in various types of therapy.
Imagine it’s five years from today. Everything in your relationship has stayed exactly the same. He hasn't changed. He still forgets your birthday, still talks over you, still makes you feel like an inconvenience. How does your body feel in that future? Do you feel a tightness in your chest? A desire to cry?
Now, imagine you left today. It was scary. It was hard. You had to move, or split the bank accounts, or tell the kids. But now it’s five years later. You’re in a quiet apartment. Or maybe you’re with someone who actually listens when you speak. You feel light.
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The "tired" feeling you have right now is a signal. It’s not a hurdle to get over; it’s an exit sign.
Immediate Steps to Take
If you’re done being tired and ready to be heard—or ready to leave—here is how you start.
1. Stop explaining. When he treats you poorly, stop the long paragraphs. Stop the crying explanations of why it hurt. He knows. Just say, "I’m not okay with that," and walk away. Save your words for people who value them.
2. Audit your energy. For one week, keep a note in your phone. Every time you interact with him, put a (+) if you feel energized or a (-) if you feel drained. Look at the data at the end of the week. It’s hard to argue with a screen full of minus signs.
3. Build a "Peace Fund." Financial dependence is a huge reason people stay in toxic situations. Even if you don't plan to leave tomorrow, start putting money into an account he can't access. Having a "get out" fund changes your psychology. It moves you from "trapped" to "choosing to be here," which ironically makes it easier to set firmer boundaries.
4. Seek external perspective. Isolation is a tool of the mistreater. Talk to a therapist or a very honest friend. Ask them, "Is this normal?" Sometimes we need someone else to hold up the mirror before we can see how much we’ve changed for the worse.
5. Embrace the "I'm Done" moment. There is a specific kind of peace that comes when the "tired" finally outweighs the "hope." When you reach that point, don't fight it. That exhaustion is actually your strength returning. It’s the feeling of your standards finally rising to meet your reality.
You deserve a life where you aren't constantly recovering from the person who is supposed to be your sanctuary. You aren't "difficult" for wanting respect. You aren't "needy" for wanting kindness. You’re just a human being who has reached her limit, and that limit is a very healthy place to be.