Honestly, it is hard to talk about the I'm Not Ashamed film without things getting heavy real fast. You probably remember the 1999 Columbine High School massacre—it’s a dark, jagged scar on American history. But this movie doesn’t try to be a documentary about the shooters or a forensic breakdown of the police response. Instead, it narrows its lens down to a single person: Rachel Joy Scott. She was the first victim killed that day.
The movie, released in 2016, is based on her actual journals. That’s the big draw here. It’s not just some screenwriter’s imagination; it's pulled from the doodles, prayers, and messy thoughts of a teenage girl trying to figure out her faith in a public high school. But depending on who you ask, the movie is either a beautiful tribute to a martyr or a controversial piece of "faith-based" cinema that takes some liberties with the facts of the tragedy.
It’s complicated. It really is.
The Core Narrative of Rachel Scott's Life
At its heart, the I'm Not Ashamed film is a coming-of-age story wrapped in a tragedy. Masey McLain plays Rachel, and she honestly does a great job capturing that specific kind of "searching" energy teenagers have. We see Rachel struggling. She’s not a perfect saint from frame one. She smokes a bit, she sneaks out, she deals with the crushing weight of wanting to be liked by the "cool kids" while feeling a pull toward her Christian faith.
The film spends a lot of time on her "acts of kindness." There’s a scene where she reaches out to a homeless man and another where she befriends a student who is being bullied. These aren't just random plot points. They are documented parts of her life. Her journals, which her father Darrell Scott has shared extensively through the "Rachel’s Challenge" program, really did contain these drawings of her hands and eyes crying tears that turned into drops of blood—sixteen of them, which people later pointed out matched the number of victims if you include the shooters.
But the movie also weaves in the perspective of Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold. This is where it gets uncomfortable for some viewers. The film shows them planning the attack, fueled by a mix of social rejection and a dark obsession with natural selection. It tries to contrast Rachel's "chain reaction of kindness" with the shooters' "chain reaction of hate."
Fact vs. Fiction: The "Yes" Question
If you’ve spent any time in church circles, you’ve heard the story. The legend goes that one of the shooters pointed a gun at Rachel and asked, "Do you still believe in God?" She supposedly said "You know I do," and then he killed her.
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This is the central moment of the I'm Not Ashamed film.
However, if we’re being intellectually honest and looking at the official FBI records and the 11,000 pages of investigative material, there’s no forensic evidence to back this up. Richard Castaldo, who was sitting next to Rachel and was shot and paralyzed, has given conflicting accounts over the decades. Initially, he didn't mention the exchange. Later, some accounts surfaced, but the official consensus among investigators like Dave Cullen (who wrote the definitive book Columbine) is that the "martyr" conversation likely didn't happen—at least not with Rachel.
A similar exchange did likely happen with another victim, Cassie Bernall, though even that is disputed by witnesses who say the shooter asked a different girl, Valeen Schnurr, who survived.
The film chooses to lean into the Rachel version. Is that "wrong"? For a filmmaker, it’s a narrative choice. For a historian, it’s a red flag. For a believer, it’s a moment of spiritual truth regardless of the exact transcript. This tension is exactly why the movie remains such a polarizing topic of conversation. It’s a film about faith, produced for people of faith, and it prioritizes the spiritual legacy over the clinical police report.
Production and Reception: The YouTube Controversy
There was some serious drama before the movie even hit theaters. The producers actually sued Google/YouTube.
Why? Basically, the trailer was taken down from YouTube for months. The filmmakers claimed this was anti-Christian bias, while YouTube pointed to their policies against "content that glorifies or promotes violence." It was a huge mess. It eventually got reinstated, but the legal battle gave the film a "banned" aura that probably helped its marketing among its target audience.
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When it finally came out, critics weren't exactly kind. If you look at Rotten Tomatoes, the gap between critics and audiences is wild. Critics called it "preachy" and "manipulative." Audiences, particularly those in the evangelical community, gave it high marks for its emotional impact and its message of standing up for what you believe in.
It’s a low-budget movie. You can tell. Some of the acting from the supporting cast is a bit stiff, and the lighting feels very "TV movie" in certain scenes. But Masey McLain’s performance carries it. She makes Rachel feel like a real person, not a stained-glass window.
The Legacy of Rachel’s Challenge
You can't talk about the I'm Not Ashamed film without mentioning Rachel’s Challenge. This is the non-profit organization started by her parents. They’ve gone into thousands of schools to talk about bullying and suicide prevention.
The movie serves as a visual manifesto for this movement. It argues that one person’s compassion can stop a tragedy. While the film focuses on the tragedy that did happen, the message is aimed at the tragedies that haven't happened yet. It’s about reaching the kid sitting alone at the lunch table before they turn to anger or despair.
Some people find this approach a bit simplistic. They argue that school shootings are a complex mix of mental health, gun accessibility, and systemic failures, and that "being nice" isn't a total solution. But it’s hard to argue against the idea that more kindness in high schools is a good thing.
Understanding the Context: A Quick Reference
To really get why this movie hits the way it does, you have to look at the atmosphere of the late 90s and the early 2010s faith-based film boom.
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- The Journaling: Rachel’s journals are the "primary source." They are beautiful, haunting, and filled with a sense of premonition.
- The Genre: This isn't a horror movie or a slasher. It’s a "hagiography"—a biography that treats its subject as a saint.
- The Controversy: The debate over the "martyrdom" dialogue is the main point of contention for skeptics.
- The Soundtrack: It features music that fits that specific contemporary Christian music (CCM) vibe, which adds to the emotional weight for its core demographic.
The Cultural Impact and Why It Matters Now
We are living in an era where school shootings are, heartbreakingly, much more common than they were in 1999. Back then, Columbine was an anomaly. Now, it’s a blueprint.
The I'm Not Ashamed film is a time capsule of that first major shock. It tries to reclaim the narrative from the killers. For years after 1999, Harris and Klebold were on the cover of Time magazine. They were the "faces" of the event. This film is an attempt to put the face of a victim back at the center of the story.
Is it a perfect movie? No. Is it a 100% historically accurate reconstruction? No. But it is an incredibly earnest look at how one girl used her faith to navigate a world that was becoming increasingly violent and disconnected.
Whether you see it as an inspiring testimony or a filtered version of history, it forces you to ask: What would I stand up for? If you're going to watch it, watch it with an open mind but also a critical eye. Recognize the emotional power of Rachel's writing, but don't be afraid to look up the actual depositions if you want the full, messy, non-cinematic truth of what happened that April morning in Littleton.
How to Approach the Film Today
If you are planning to watch the I'm Not Ashamed film or use it in a group setting, here are the best ways to get the most out of it:
- Read the Journals: Before or after watching, look up excerpts from Rachel Joy Scott’s journals. Her actual words are often more profound and raw than the dialogue in the film.
- Cross-Reference with "Columbine" by Dave Cullen: If you want the factual, journalistic side of the shooting to balance the film’s narrative, this is the gold standard for research.
- Discuss the Ethics of Narrative: Talk about whether it’s okay for a "true story" to change details (like the "Yes" conversation) to convey a larger theme. It's a great jumping-off point for a debate on media literacy.
- Look into Rachel’s Challenge: See how the themes of the movie are being applied in schools today. They have specific programs for middle and high schoolers that move beyond the film’s runtime.
- Check the Rating: Remember that while it is a faith-based film, it depicts a real school shooting. It’s PG-13 for a reason. It’s intense and can be triggering for anyone sensitive to themes of school violence.
The film doesn't offer easy answers. It doesn't explain why God lets bad things happen. It just shows a girl who decided that, in the face of all that darkness, she wasn't going to be ashamed of her light. That's a message that, regardless of your personal beliefs, is worth sitting with for a while.