You know that feeling when you finally decide to open up to someone, and then—bam—they let you down? It’s not just disappointing. It’s a physical weight. It makes you want to curl into a ball and never answer a text message again. Lysa TerKeurst has basically made a career out of being the friend who sits in that mess with you, and her newest work, I Want to Trust You But I Don't, is probably her most raw take on that specific brand of pain.
Honestly, we've all been there. You want to believe people are good. You want to believe God has a plan that isn't totally exhausting. But then reality happens. Betrayal happens.
In this new book, which hit shelves late in 2024 and is dominating circles in early 2026, Lysa doesn't offer those "just pray about it" platitudes that make most of us roll our eyes. Instead, she digs into the neurological and emotional grit of what happens when your "trust muscle" is snapped in half. It’s a book for the skeptics. It’s for the people who are tired of being told to just "forgive and forget" when the forgetting part feels biologically impossible.
Why the trust conversation is changing
For a long time, the Christian self-help world treated trust like a light switch. You either did it or you didn't. If you didn't, maybe you just weren't "spiritual" enough. That's a toxic way to look at human relationships. I Want to Trust You But I Don't challenges that narrative by acknowledging that trust is actually a risk assessment.
Lysa talks about "relational red flags" in a way that feels like she’s been reading our group chats. She identifies eleven specific markers that should make us pause. This isn't about being judgmental; it's about being wise. We often think of distrust as a sin, but sometimes, it’s actually a survival mechanism. If a situation feels unsafe, your body knows it before your brain does.
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The science of the "check" in your spirit
One of the most interesting parts of this book is how it bridges the gap between theology and psychology. Lysa works closely with experts like Dr. Joel Muddamalle and Jim Cress. They dive into the "neurological impact" of betrayal.
When someone breaks your trust, your brain actually rewires itself to protect you from future harm. That "skepticism" you feel? That's not a character flaw. It’s your amygdala doing its job. Understanding this helps take the shame out of the healing process. You aren't a "bad" person because you're struggling to trust your spouse, your friend, or even your own judgment. You're just a person with a history.
Surviving an Unwanted Divorce and the 2026 landscape
While I Want to Trust You But I Don't focuses on the mechanics of rebuilding, Lysa also released a more specific resource titled Surviving an Unwanted Divorce: A Biblical, Practical Guide to Letting Go While Holding Yourself Together. This one is a bit more of a niche deep-dive, but it’s essential context for where her head is at right now.
After nearly thirty years of marriage, Lysa’s own relationship ended. It wasn't what she wanted. It was messy, public, and devastating. This informs everything she writes now. There is a "lived-in" quality to her advice. She isn't lecturing from a pedestal; she's shouting from the trenches.
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People are gravitating toward this because we're tired of "perfect" influencers. We want the person who has seen the ugly side of life and stayed kind. In 2026, the trend in spiritual writing has shifted away from "how to have a perfect life" toward "how to survive the life you actually have."
Practical markers for moving forward
If you're reading this and thinking, Okay, but how do I actually start trusting again?, the book lays out some pretty specific steps.
- Stop ignoring the "niggles." You know that tiny voice that says something is off? Listen to it. It’s not "un-Christian" to notice when someone is being inconsistent.
- Audit your own judgment. One of the hardest parts of betrayal is that you stop trusting yourself. You think, How did I not see this coming? Healing involves learning to trust your own eyes again.
- Redefine "Safety." Trust doesn't mean you assume nothing bad will ever happen. It means you believe you will be okay even if it does. That’s a massive shift in perspective.
Is it just for women?
Technically, Lysa’s primary audience has always been women, specifically through Proverbs 31 Ministries. But the themes here—betrayal, trauma, discernment—are pretty universal. Men deal with the "I want to trust you but I don't" cycle just as much, even if they use different words for it.
The book isn't just about romantic relationships, either. It’s about the friend who ghosted you. The boss who took credit for your work. The church that let you down when you were at your lowest. It's about the general "skepticism of others" that seems to be the default setting for most of us these days.
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Addressing the "God" element
A lot of people struggle with the "Trusting God" part when life falls apart. If God is in control, why did He let that happen? Lysa tackles this head-on. She doesn't give a simple answer because there isn't one. Instead, she explores the idea of being "afraid of what God will allow."
That is a terrifyingly honest phrase. It’s one thing to trust God’s character; it’s another to trust His timeline or His methods. The book encourages a "rebellious resiliency"—a choice to keep moving forward even when the "why" remains a total mystery.
Actionable steps for the "Stuck" reader
If you find yourself paralyzed by past hurts, here is a starting point based on the book's core philosophy:
- Identify the specific betrayal. Sometimes we have a general cloud of "I don't trust anyone." Pinpoint the specific event that created the fog.
- Acknowledge the physical toll. Are you sleeping? Is your jaw clenched? Your body is keeping the score of your distrust. Give yourself permission to rest.
- Set a "Trust Boundary." You don't have to give everyone a key to your heart. It’s okay to let people earn their way into the inner circle. Start with small, low-stakes interactions.
- Journal the "Internal Narrative." Write down the things you say to yourself about your discernment. If you're constantly calling yourself "stupid" for being hurt, you're hindering your own healing.
Ultimately, rebuilding a life after the floor has been pulled out from under you takes time. There are no shortcuts. But having a roadmap—especially one written by someone who has walked the exact same rocky path—makes the journey feel a lot less lonely.
To begin applying these concepts, start by identifying one "relational red flag" you've been ignoring in a current or past situation. Documenting these specific instances helps move the feeling from a vague sense of anxiety into a concrete observation you can actually manage. From there, look into the Trust Journey guided journal, which provides specific prompts to help you categorize these red flags and determine whether a relationship is worth the emotional investment of repair or if it requires a firmer boundary for your own protection.