You wake up on a Tuesday and the weight is back. That heavy, familiar fog you thought you’d cleared three months ago is sitting right on your chest. It’s frustrating. It’s actually kind of soul-crushing. You did the work, right? You went to the therapy sessions, you took the meds, you started the "healing journey" everyone on Instagram talks about, and for a while, it actually worked. You felt light. Then, suddenly, the floor drops out. I thought I got better but maybe I didn't becomes the only thought looping in your head.
It’s a common trap. We’re taught to view health—especially mental health—as a straight line. You start at "sick," you move through "treatment," and you arrive at "cured." But humans aren't broken toasters. You don't just replace a heating element and wait for the toast to pop up perfectly every time.
The reality is that recovery is more like a coastline than a highway. It’s jagged. It’s messy. Sometimes the tide comes in and covers the progress you thought you made. This isn't a sign of failure. Honestly, it’s usually just a sign that you’re actually doing the work.
The Myth of the Linear Recovery Path
We love a good comeback story. Movies show us the montage: the protagonist cries, then they run up some stairs, then they’re suddenly fine. In real life, the montage lasts years. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score, has spent decades pointing out that trauma and chronic stress don't just vanish because we decided to be "over it." The nervous system has a very long memory.
When you feel like you’re backsliding, it’s often because your brain has finally reached a level of safety where it feels okay to process the next layer of the "gunk." Think of it like cleaning a very messy house. You clear the living room and it looks great. You feel successful. Then you open the closet door and twenty pounds of old clothes and dust bunnies fall on your head. You didn't "stop" being clean; you just found more to clean.
Why Does It Feel Like I'm Getting Worse?
Psychology has a few names for this. One is the "Extinction Burst." It’s a term from behavioral psychology. Basically, when you try to stop a behavior or a thought pattern, your brain throws a massive tantrum before it finally gives up. It gets worse right before it gets better.
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Then there’s the biological side. If you’ve been dealing with burnout or depression, your cortisol levels and your neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine are trying to find a new "set point." It’s rocky. You might have two weeks of high energy followed by three days where you can barely brush your teeth. It’s not a relapse. It’s recalibration.
- Stressors change: Maybe you got "better" while life was quiet, but now work is piling up.
- Physical health: Never underestimate how much a lack of Vitamin D or a wonky thyroid can mimic a mental health relapse.
- The "Pink Cloud" effect: In addiction recovery, this is the initial honeymoon phase where everything feels amazing. When it fades, reality hits. Hard.
Understanding the "Dip" in Long-Term Healing
If you are currently sitting there thinking i thought i got better but maybe i didn't, look at the data of your life over a longer timeline. Don't look at today. Don't even look at this week. Look at the last six months.
Are your "bad days" as bad as they were a year ago? Usually, the answer is no. Maybe you’re crying today, but a year ago, you couldn't even get out of bed to cry in the shower. That is progress, even if it feels like garbage. This is what clinicians often call "spiralic progress." You’re circling the same issues, but each time you come around, you’re at a slightly different level. You have more tools now. You know what a panic attack feels like, so even if you’re having one, you aren't calling an ambulance this time because you know you aren't actually dying.
The Role of "Safety" in Feeling Worse
This is the part that trips people up the most. Sometimes, we feel worse because we are finally safe enough to feel. When you’re in the middle of a crisis, your brain goes into survival mode. It numbs you. It keeps you moving. It’s only when the crisis ends—when you’ve "gotten better"—that the brain says, "Okay, we’re safe now. Here is all the grief we didn't have time for last year."
It’s an irony of the human condition. You feel like you're failing because you're finally healthy enough to process the pain.
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Tangible Reasons for the Slump
It isn't always deep psychological stuff. Sometimes it's just biology being annoying.
- Neural Pruning and Rewiring: Your brain is physically changing. Creating new neural pathways is exhausting. It takes a lot of metabolic energy. You’re going to be tired. You’re going to be moody.
- The Anniversary Effect: Our bodies remember dates. Is it the anniversary of a loss? The time of year you got fired? Even if you aren't thinking about it, your body might be.
- Inflammation: Research in JAMA Psychiatry has shown huge links between systemic inflammation and symptoms of depression. If you’ve been sick with a cold or eating poorly, your mental health might take a hit. It’s not a "relapse" of your character; it’s a biological response.
What to Do When the Progress Seems to Vanish
Stop trying to "fix" the feeling immediately. That usually just adds a layer of anxiety on top of the original problem. If you’re feeling like you didn't actually get better, the first step is radical honesty with yourself.
Acknowledge the suck. Say it out loud: "I feel like I'm back at square one."
Then, look for the evidence that you aren't.
Audit Your Toolbox
What worked three months ago? Did you stop doing it because you felt "fixed"? Often, we drop the habits that saved us the moment we start feeling okay. We stop the meditation, we skip the gym, we stay up late scrolling. Recovery isn't a destination; it’s a maintenance schedule. If you stopped the maintenance, of course the engine is starting to knock.
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Check Your Environment
Are you trying to heal in the same environment that made you sick? You can't "get better" if you’re still in a toxic job or a draining relationship and expect the "better" to stay forever without any friction. Sometimes the feeling of getting worse is actually just your intuition telling you that your environment is still a problem.
Moving Forward Without the Pressure of "Perfection"
The goal isn't to never feel bad again. That’s not "getting better"—that’s being a robot. The goal is to shorten the duration and intensity of the dips.
If you're spiraling, try these specific, actionable steps to ground yourself:
- Lower the bar: If you can't do a 45-minute workout, walk to the mailbox. If you can't write a journal entry, write three words.
- Consult the professionals: If the dip lasts more than two weeks without any breaks of light, talk to your therapist or doctor. It might be time to adjust your approach or your medication.
- Track the "Micro-Wins": Did you drink water today? Did you answer one email? In a slump, these are Olympic-level achievements. Treat them as such.
- Stop the "Shoulds": "I should be over this by now" is the most toxic sentence in the English language. There is no "should." There is only what is happening right now.
Recovery is a slow, rhythmic process. You are going to have days where you feel like a fraud. You'll think you tricked everyone into thinking you were healthy. You didn't. You're just a person navigating a complicated internal world. Give yourself the grace to be "not okay" again for a little while. It doesn't erase the progress you've made. It's just part of the story.
Actionable Next Steps
- Document the Dip: Write down exactly what symptoms have returned. Often, seeing them on paper makes them feel less like an existential threat and more like a checklist of things to manage.
- Re-establish One Baseline Habit: Pick the one thing that helped you most during your initial recovery—whether it was a specific sleep schedule or a daily walk—and commit to doing just that one thing for the next three days.
- Schedule a "Check-In" Appointment: Don't wait for a total breakdown. Call your provider now and just say, "I'm feeling a shift and want to stay ahead of it."
- Practice Sensory Grounding: When the "I'm not getting better" thoughts peak, use the 5-4-3-2-1 technique (5 things you see, 4 you can touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste) to pull your brain out of the future-fear and back into the present moment.