You’re sitting at brunch. The menu is a laminated map of gluten and sugar. You order the Belgian waffle with extra berries, and suddenly, your friend across the table—who just ordered the short stack—looks at you like you’ve declared war on their entire lineage. It's a joke, mostly. But the phrase i like waffles so you hate pancakes captures something deeply annoying about how we talk to each other online and in person lately. It's the "so you hate" trap.
It’s called a false dilemma. Or a binary. Basically, it’s the weird human urge to assume that if someone likes one thing, they must be the sworn enemy of the alternative.
The internet has turned this into an Olympic sport. If you post about loving dogs, someone in the comments is inevitably going to ask why you hate cats. If you say you enjoyed a specific movie, a stranger will show up to explain why that means you have "terrible taste" and clearly hate "real cinema." It’s exhausting.
The Psychology Behind the Waffle-Pancake War
Why do we do this? Honestly, our brains are kinda lazy.
Evolutionarily speaking, we are wired to categorize things quickly. Friend or foe. Safe or dangerous. Waffle or pancake. It’s a survival mechanism that served us well when we were dodging predators, but it’s a disaster for nuanced conversation. When you hear i like waffles so you hate pancakes, you’re seeing a cognitive shortcut in action.
Dr. Jonathan Haidt, a social psychologist who wrote The Righteous Mind, talks extensively about how our "moral matrix" forces us into teams. We want to belong. Identifying as a "Waffle Person" gives us a tiny, albeit silly, tribe. And every tribe needs an outsider. In this case, the poor, flat pancake.
It’s binary bias. Research published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology suggests that people have a natural tendency to collapse a spectrum of options into just two categories. We see it in politics, we see it in diet culture (Keto vs. Vegan), and we definitely see it in the breakfast aisle.
Why the Internet Broke Our Ability to Like Both
Social media algorithms are the gasoline on this fire.
The platforms we use every day aren't designed for "I think both options have merit depending on the morning and the quality of the batter." They are designed for engagement. Engagement is driven by conflict.
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When someone says i like waffles so you hate pancakes, they are creating a friction point. If I say I like waffles, and you agree, the conversation ends. We’re happy. The algorithm gets bored. But if I imply that your choice of pancakes is an inferior life path, now we have a "discourse."
We’ve moved into an era of "zero-sum" preferences. It’s the belief that for one thing to be good, the other must be bad. But breakfast isn't a zero-sum game. The existence of a crispy, syrup-trapping waffle grid doesn't actually take away the fluffy, cloud-like joy of a buttermilk pancake.
The Nuance We’re Losing
Let's look at the actual merits here.
Waffles offer structural integrity. They have a higher surface-area-to-volume ratio, which means more Maillard reaction—that's the chemical reaction between amino acids and reducing sugars that gives browned food its distinctive flavor. If you like crunch, you like waffles.
Pancakes, on the other hand, are about texture and absorption. They are sponges for butter.
When we boil this down to i like waffles so you hate pancakes, we lose the ability to appreciate the technical differences. We trade curiosity for judgment. This happens in much larger contexts, too. Think about how we treat hobbies or career paths. If you're a "hustler," you must hate "work-life balance." If you're "creative," you must hate "logic." It's all the same logical fallacy.
How to Escape the Binary Trap
So, how do you stop yourself from falling into this?
Catch the "So." The word "so" is the red flag. "I like X, so you must think Y." Whenever you hear that connective tissue, pause. Ask if Y actually follows X. Usually, it doesn't.
Practice Radical Middle-Grounding. Next time someone expresses a preference, try to validate it without bringing up the alternative. It’s harder than it sounds.
Embrace the "And." You can like waffles and pancakes. You can like the city and the country.
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Identify the Projection. Usually, when someone says "so you hate [thing]," they are projecting their own insecurities or their own need for conflict onto you. It’s rarely about the breakfast food.
Beyond the Breakfast Table
This isn't just about brunch.
The i like waffles so you hate pancakes mindset is a micro-version of the polarization we see in every corner of modern life. It’s the "with us or against us" mentality. It makes us defensive. It makes us boring.
If you want to have better conversations, you have to kill the false dilemma. Recognize that someone's "pro" isn't necessarily your "anti."
Practical Steps to Stop the Hate
- Audit your responses: Look at your last five "takes" on social media. Did you define what you love by attacking what you don't?
- Ask "Why?": Instead of assuming someone hates pancakes, ask them what they specifically like about waffles. Is it the crunch? The pockets? The nostalgia? You'll find out they don't hate pancakes; they just really value texture.
- The "Both/And" Challenge: Try to find one thing you usually think is a binary choice and find a third option. (Crepes, anyone? French toast?)
The world is a lot bigger than two options. Don't let a simplified worldview steal your ability to enjoy the whole menu. Next time you're at the diner, remember: his waffle doesn't make your pancake taste any different. Let people enjoy things. It’s much less exhausting than constant, imaginary warfare.
Stop looking for the hidden "hate" in someone else's "like." Start by just letting the waffle be a waffle.
Actionable Insight: The next time you feel the urge to defend a preference by attacking the alternative, stop and name three specific qualities you enjoy about your choice. Focusing on the "pro" instead of the "anti" retrains your brain to avoid the false dilemma trap. This works for everything from software choices to lifestyle habits. Focus on the value, not the vendetta.