Life isn't a highlight reel. Most of us spend an exhausting amount of energy pretending it is. We post the vacation photos, the promotions, and the "clean" house, but we hide the nights spent staring at the ceiling, wondering if we’re ever going to feel like ourselves again. I’ve been there. I’m not just talking about a bad day or a rough week. I’m talking about the kind of bone-deep exhaustion where your chest feels tight and everything feels heavy. I know because i struggled and i cried, and honestly, those moments were more important for my growth than any "win" I’ve ever had.
Vulnerability is a buzzword now. People talk about it like it’s a lifestyle choice, like buying organic kale. It isn't. It’s messy. It’s loud. It’s unattractive. When you’re in the middle of a mental health crisis or a massive life transition, you don’t feel like a "warrior." You feel broken. But there is a specific kind of clarity that only comes when you hit a wall.
The Science of Why We Break Down
Crying isn't just an emotional response; it’s a biological necessity. Dr. William Frey, a biochemist, famously researched the composition of tears and found that emotional tears actually contain stress hormones and other toxins. Basically, when you cry, you are physically flushing stress out of your system.
It’s a release valve.
When people say they "struggled and cried," they are describing a nervous system that has reached its limit. We have this idea that "strength" means holding it all together, but that’s a lie. Real strength is the ability to recognize when the pressure is too high and letting it out before it destroys you from the inside. If you ignore the struggle, your body will eventually make the decision for you. It might show up as chronic back pain, migraines, or a sudden, inexplicable panic attack in the grocery store.
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I Know Because I Struggled and I Cried: Moving Past the Stigma
There’s a huge difference between "venting" and the deep, transformative struggle we’re talking about here. Society tells us to "keep calm and carry on," but that advice is actually pretty toxic if you don't allow for the human element.
I remember a specific Tuesday three years ago. Nothing "bad" had happened that day, but the weight of everything—work, expectations, personal failures—just became too much. I sat on my kitchen floor and just sobbed. Not a graceful, movie-style single tear, but a full-body, gasping-for-air meltdown. I felt ashamed. I felt like I was failing at being an adult.
But here’s the thing: after that, I finally started making changes. I couldn't ignore the problem anymore because it had become physical. That’s the utility of the struggle. It’s a signal.
The Myth of the Linear Path
We love a good comeback story. We love the "before and after" photos. What we don't love is the "during."
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The "during" is where most people quit. They think that because they are struggling, they are doing it wrong. They think that if they were "healed," they wouldn't be crying. That is complete nonsense. Healing isn't a straight line that goes up and to the right. It’s a jagged, ugly scribble. Some days you’re fine, and some days you’re back on the kitchen floor.
Expert psychologists like Dr. Susan David, author of Emotional Agility, argue that suppressing these "negative" emotions actually makes us less resilient. When we try to force ourselves to be happy—something called "toxic positivity"—we lose the ability to navigate the world as it actually is.
Why We Hide the Hard Parts
Social media has ruined our perception of struggle. We see someone’s "recovery" journey and it looks so organized. They have journals and aesthetic tea and they talk about their "journey" in the past tense.
Hardly anyone posts from the trenches.
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Because of that, when you find yourself struggling, you feel isolated. You think you’re the only one who can’t get their act together. You’re not. Even the people who seem to have it all figured out are likely dealing with their own version of "I know because i struggled and i cried." They just might be better at masking it.
Practical Steps to Manage the Weight
If you’re in it right now, you don’t need a 10-step plan. You need to breathe. But once the initial wave passes, there are things you can do to navigate the aftermath.
- Name the feeling. Don't just say you're "stressed." Are you grieving? Are you burnt out? Are you lonely? Giving it a specific name takes away some of its power.
- Stop apologizing for your humanity. If you need to cry, cry. Don't apologize to your partner, your friends, or yourself.
- Change the scenery. Sometimes, literally just moving to a different room or going outside for five minutes can reset your nervous system enough to stop a spiral.
- Audit your "shoulds." We often struggle because we are trying to live up to a version of ourselves that doesn't exist. "I should be further along." "I should be happier." Drop the "shoulds" for a day and see what’s left.
The reality is that pain is a teacher, even if it’s a teacher we never wanted. It strips away the ego. It forces you to look at what isn't working in your life. When I say i know because i struggled and i cried, it’s a badge of honor. It means I’m still here, I’m still feeling, and I’m still moving forward, even if it’s slowly.
Actionable Insights for Moving Forward
- Acknowledge the physical toll. Check in with your body. Are your shoulders at your ears? Is your jaw clenched? Spend two minutes consciously relaxing every muscle group. This tells your brain you are safe.
- Set a "Minimum Viable Day." When the struggle is high, lower the bar. What are the three things you must do to keep your life from falling apart? Do those, and let the rest go. This prevents the "all or nothing" burnout cycle.
- Find your "safe" person. Not everyone deserves to see your tears. Find one or two people who can sit with you in the mess without trying to "fix" it or give you platitudes.
- Track your triggers. If you find yourself crying every Sunday night, it’s probably not a random emotional outburst. It’s likely a reaction to your work environment or your routine. Use the struggle as data.
Don't let anyone tell you that your emotions are a weakness. They are the most honest thing about you. The struggle isn't a detour; it's part of the map. You can’t get to the version of yourself you want to be without walking through the version of yourself that is currently hurting. It’s uncomfortable, it’s loud, and it’s exhausting, but it is the only way through.