Life hits you fast. One minute you’re cruising through your Tuesday, and the next, you’re staring at a mounting pile of deadlines, a family emergency, and a car that won't start. It’s that heavy, physical sensation where you realize i just got a lot on my shoulders and you aren't sure how you're supposed to keep standing. You can feel it in your neck. Your chest feels tight.
It isn't just a metaphor.
When people say they have a lot on their shoulders, they are describing a physiological response to acute and chronic stress. The body doesn't really distinguish between a literal 50-pound backpack and the weight of a mortgage or a failing relationship. It reacts the same way by tensing the trapezius muscles and flooding the system with cortisol. This is the "allostatic load"—the wear and tear on the body which accumulates as an individual is exposed to repeated or chronic stress.
Honestly, it’s exhausting.
The Science of Why You Feel "Heavy" Right Now
We need to talk about why the body chooses the shoulders as the primary storage unit for stress. According to researchers like Dr. Robert Sapolsky, author of Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers, the human stress response is an evolutionary leftover. When our ancestors faced a predator, they hunched their shoulders to protect their necks. It’s a defensive posture.
Today, your "predator" is a passive-aggressive email from your boss.
But your brain doesn't know the difference. It signals your muscles to brace for impact. This creates a feedback loop. Your muscles tense because you're stressed, and then your brain stays stressed because it senses your muscles are tense. It’s a vicious circle that makes you feel like you’re carrying the world.
There is also the concept of "emotional bracing." When we anticipate bad news or feel overwhelmed by responsibilities, we physically tighten our core and upper back. This is why, after a long day of "mental" work, you feel like you’ve been at the gym for eight hours. You have. You've been performing a low-grade isometric contraction of your entire upper body since 9:00 AM.
✨ Don't miss: When Did You Lose Your Virginity: Why the Average Age Matters Less Than You Think
Stress is Cumulative
It’s rarely just one thing. It’s the "death by a thousand cuts" scenario. You might think, "I shouldn't feel this overwhelmed just because of a messy house," but it’s not just the house. It’s the house plus the 200 unread messages plus the global news cycle plus the fact that you haven't had a decent night's sleep in three days.
When you say i just got a lot on my shoulders, you are acknowledging that your bandwidth has been exceeded.
Moving Beyond the "I'm Fine" Mask
We live in a culture that prizes "the grind." We are told to "shoulder the burden" and keep moving. But there is a point where the weight becomes counterproductive.
High-functioning anxiety often looks like productivity from the outside, but it feels like drowning on the inside. Dr. Gabor Maté, a renowned expert on the link between mind and body health, argues in his work When the Body Says No that if we don't learn to say no to the external pressures, our bodies will eventually say it for us in the form of illness or burnout.
You aren't a machine.
If you're feeling this way, the first step is actually admitting it. Not just to others, but to yourself. Stop gaslighting yourself into thinking you "should" be able to handle it all without feeling the strain. Everyone has a breaking point. Recognizing yours isn't a sign of weakness; it's a sign of high emotional intelligence.
How to Lighten the Load Without Quitting Your Life
So, what do you actually do when the weight is too much? You can’t always just quit your job or ignore your bills.
Radical Prioritization (The "Glass vs. Plastic" Rule)
You have to figure out which balls you’re juggling are made of glass and which are made of plastic. If you drop a plastic ball—like answering a non-urgent email or folding the laundry—it bounces. No harm done. If you drop a glass ball—like your health, your relationship with your kids, or your mental stability—it shatters.
Look at your to-do list.
Most of it is plastic.
The Physiological Sigh
Stanford neurobiologist Dr. Andrew Huberman recommends a specific breathing pattern to instantly lower the "heavy" feeling in your chest and shoulders. It’s called the physiological sigh. You take a deep inhale through your nose, then a second short "sharp" inhale on top of it to fully inflate the lungs, followed by a long, slow exhale through the mouth.
Doing this three times can shift your nervous system from "fight or flight" (sympathetic) to "rest and digest" (parasympathetic). It’s a literal biological "off" switch for that feeling that i just got a lot on my shoulders and can't breathe.
Physical Release
If the stress is stored in the body, you have to get it out of the body. This isn't just about "relaxing." Sometimes it’s about movement.
- Progressive Muscle Relaxation: Tense your shoulders as hard as you can for five seconds, then let them drop completely. Feel the difference.
- The "Ragdoll" Pose: Fold forward at the waist and let your arms hang. Let gravity pull the weight off your spine.
- Somatic Shaking: It sounds weird, but literally shaking your arms and legs for two minutes can help discharge built-up nervous energy.
Why "Self-Care" Usually Fails
Most people think self-care is a bubble bath. Honestly? A bubble bath isn't going to fix a toxic work environment or a massive debt.
Real self-care is often boring and difficult. It’s setting a boundary with a family member who drains your energy. It’s saying "no" to a social event because you actually need to sleep. It’s asking for help even when it feels embarrassing.
When you're carrying a lot, adding a "self-care" task to your list can actually feel like more weight. Instead of adding, start subtracting. What can you stop doing? Who can you stop pleasing?
The Myth of the "Perfect Time" to Rest
We tell ourselves we will rest once the project is done, or once the kids are older, or once the weekend gets here.
The weekend never comes.
There is always another "weight" waiting to be picked up. If you wait for the world to stop giving you things to carry, you will be carrying them until you collapse. You have to learn to put the weight down while things are still busy.
Think of it like a hiker. A smart hiker doesn't wait until they reach the end of the 20-mile trail to take off their pack. They take it off every few miles, rest for ten minutes, and then put it back on. They reach the end because they rested, not because they were "stronger."
🔗 Read more: Iodised salt vs salt: What your doctor isn't telling you about your kitchen staples
Understanding the "Mental Load"
Specifically for parents and caregivers, that feeling of i just got a lot on my shoulders is often the "mental load." This is the invisible labor of managing a household—remembering birthdays, knowing when the milk expires, tracking school spirit days, and planning dinner.
Research published in the journal American Sociological Review shows that this "cognitive labor" is a major source of stress and exhaustion. It’s not just the doing; it’s the thinking about the doing.
If this is you, you need to externalize the load. Get it out of your head and onto paper or a shared app. Make the invisible labor visible so you aren't the only one carrying it.
When to Seek Professional Support
Sometimes the weight isn't just "stress." Sometimes it's clinical depression or an anxiety disorder. If you feel like you can't get out from under the weight no matter what you do, or if you feel a sense of hopelessness, it's time to talk to a therapist.
There is no prize for suffering in silence.
Therapists can provide "cognitive reframing," which helps you look at your burdens differently. Instead of seeing a mountain, you might start seeing a series of small, manageable hills.
Immediate Action Steps for Today
If you are reading this because you are currently overwhelmed, do these three things right now:
- The "Two-Minute Dump": Grab a piece of paper. Write down every single thing bothering you. Don't filter it. Just get it out of your brain.
- Pick One "Plastic Ball" to Drop: Decide on one thing you were going to do today that actually doesn't matter. Cancel it.
- The Cold Water Shock: Splash freezing cold water on your face. This triggers the "mammalian dive reflex," which naturally slows your heart rate and resets your nervous system.
You aren't failing because you feel overwhelmed. You're reacting to a world that asks too much of us.
Take a breath. Drop your shoulders away from your ears.
👉 See also: La berberina para que sirve: Lo que la ciencia dice (y lo que el marketing exagera)
You’re going to be okay, but you have to start putting some of this down. No one was meant to carry everything at once. Focus on the next five minutes, not the next five months. That’s how you get through when you feel like i just got a lot on my shoulders and don't know the way out. Just the next five minutes. That’s it.