Ever had that moment where your brain just refuses to shut up? You’re lying in bed at 3:00 AM, and suddenly you’re replaying a conversation from four years ago. You keep thinking, "I go on and on can't understand why I said that," or why they reacted that way, or why the world works the way it does. It's exhausting. Honestly, it’s more than just being "stressed." It is a specific cognitive loop that psychologists and neurologists have been trying to map out for decades.
Brains are weird. They are literally wired to solve problems, but sometimes they try to solve problems that don't have a solution. That’s where the "loop" begins. You’re searching for a "why" that might not exist, and because your brain can't find the answer, it just hits the repeat button.
The Science of Why We Go On and On
When you feel like you i go on and on can't understand a situation, you’re usually experiencing what’s known as rumination. It isn't just regular thinking. Dr. Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, a pioneer in this research at Yale University, defined rumination as the focused attention on the symptoms of one's distress, and on its possible causes and consequences, as opposed to its solutions.
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Essentially, your Prefrontal Cortex—the CEO of your brain—is trying to make sense of a chaotic input. But if the input is emotional or ambiguous, the CEO gets stuck. It’s like a computer trying to run a program with a bug in the code. The processor gets hot, the fan starts spinning, but the screen stays frozen.
The Role of the Default Mode Network
We have this thing called the Default Mode Network (DMN). It’s a group of interconnected brain regions that are most active when you aren't focused on the outside world. When you’re daydreaming, or thinking about the past, or worrying about the future, the DMN is driving the bus.
Research published in Biological Psychiatry suggests that in people who struggle with repetitive thoughts, the DMN is "hyper-coupled." It’s basically stuck in the "on" position. This is why you can’t just "stop thinking about it." Your brain is literally firing electrical signals in a circular pattern. You aren't weak-willed. You’re just dealing with a very stubborn piece of biological hardware.
Why "Understanding" is a Trap
We have this obsession with "closure." We think that if we can just understand why something happened, we can move on. But here’s the kicker: understanding is often an illusion.
Sometimes people do things because they’re tired, or mean, or just random. There is no deep, logical "why." When you say "I go on and on can't understand," you’re actually looking for a reason that makes the pain feel worth it. You’re looking for a narrative that fits your worldview. If you can’t find it, you stay in the loop.
The "Zeigarnik Effect" and Your To-Do List
Psychologist Bluma Zeigarnik noticed something interesting in the 1920s. Waiters could remember complex orders that were still "in progress," but as soon as the bill was paid, they forgot everything. This became known as the Zeigarnik Effect: our brains remember uncompleted tasks better than completed ones.
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If you have an unresolved conflict or a question without an answer, your brain views it as an "open task." It keeps bringing it to your attention because it wants to check it off the list. But since some things—like why a relationship ended or why a boss passed you over for a promotion—can never be fully "resolved" in a neat little box, the task stays open forever.
Breaking the Loop: Real Strategies
You can’t just tell yourself to stop. That actually makes it worse. It’s called the "White Bear" effect. If I tell you "Don't think about a white bear," what’s the first thing you see? Exactly.
Instead, you have to change the frequency.
1. The Five-Minute Timer
If you’re stuck in a cycle of "I go on and on can't understand," give yourself a dedicated window. Set a timer for five minutes. Go nuts. Worry as hard as you can. Write down every "why" and "how" and "what if." When the timer dings, you’re done. This satisfies the brain's need to "work" on the problem without letting it bleed into your whole day.
2. Concrete vs. Abstract Thinking
Research from the University of Exeter found that shifting from abstract thinking ("Why does this always happen?") to concrete thinking ("What are the specific steps I can take right now?") significantly reduces distress.
- Abstract: "I go on and on can't understand why they were so rude."
- Concrete: "My heart is beating fast and I am standing in my kitchen. I will go drink a glass of water."
Focusing on the physical reality of the moment breaks the DMN’s grip. It forces the brain to use different pathways.
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3. The Power of "Maybe"
The most powerful tool against the "can’t understand" loop is accepting ambiguity. Sometimes, the answer is just "I don't know, and I might never know."
It sounds scary. It feels like giving up. But it’s actually the only way to close the Zeigarnik "open task." You have to manually mark the file as "Incomplete but Closed."
When This Is More Than Just Stress
We should be honest here. Sometimes going on and on isn't just a bad habit. It can be a symptom of:
- OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder): This involves intrusive thoughts that feel impossible to ignore without performing a ritual (which can be a mental ritual, like "re-solving" a problem over and over).
- Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD): Where the "loop" moves from one topic to the next, never settling.
- CPTSD: Where the brain replays events to try and "fix" a traumatic outcome.
If your "I go on and on can't understand" cycles are preventing you from eating, sleeping, or working, it’s time to talk to a professional. There’s no shame in it. Sometimes the hardware needs a professional tune-up.
Actionable Steps to Take Right Now
If you are reading this while currently stuck in a mental loop, do these three things in order:
- Physically change your environment. If you’re in bed, get out of bed. If you’re in the office, walk to the bathroom. Moving your body through space forces the brain to process new visual and spatial data.
- Label the thought. Don't say "I'm worried." Say "I am having the thought that I can't understand this." This creates "cognitive defusion"—a gap between you and the thought.
- Engage your senses. Find one thing you can smell, two things you can hear, and three things you can feel (like the texture of your shirt or the weight of your phone).
The goal isn't to find the answer. The goal is to realize that you can survive without having the answer. The world is messy, people are confusing, and sometimes "I go on and on can't understand" is just the sound of a brain doing its best in a complicated world. You can let the loop spin in the background while you go do something else.