It starts small. Maybe you noticed they wore your favorite color, or they made a joke that perfectly aligned with your specific, weird sense of humor. Then, suddenly, the hour you spend in that office becomes the high point of your entire week. You’re dressing up for appointments. You’re wondering what they’re doing on a Saturday night. You might even be thinking, i fell in love with my psychiatrist, and now everything feels incredibly complicated.
You aren’t "crazy" for feeling this. Honestly, it’s one of the most common things to happen in a clinical setting.
Think about the environment. You are in a room—or a Zoom call—with a person whose entire job is to listen to you with empathy, without judgment, and with total focus. They’re providing the kind of emotional intimacy that many people don't even get from their spouses or parents. It’s a vacuum of vulnerability. Of course your brain is going to spark some chemicals.
The psychology of the "crush" on your doctor
Psychologists have a specific word for this: Transference.
Sigmund Freud first started talking about this over a century ago. He realized that patients often "transfer" feelings they have for important people in their lives—like a father, a mother, or a past lover—onto their therapist. It’s not just a quirk of the trade; many modern practitioners, like those following the psychodynamic traditions of Melanie Klein or Karen Horney, see it as a vital tool for healing.
It feels like love. It feels like a soulmate connection. But usually, it’s actually a projection of your own needs and unmet desires. You’re not seeing the "real" them. You don’t know if they leave dirty dishes in the sink or if they’re rude to waiters. You only see the version of them that is 100% there for you.
That’s a powerful drug.
Is it actually "Erotic Transference"?
There is a distinction between generally "liking" your doctor and the intense, romantic, or sexual pull known as erotic transference. A 2017 study published in the Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association noted that these feelings often emerge when a patient begins to feel "seen" for the first time.
It’s an intense experience. Some people feel deep shame about it. They think they’ve "ruined" the therapy or that they’re being creepy.
You aren’t.
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Ethical psychiatrists are trained for this. They expect it. They literally take classes in graduate school and residency on how to handle the moment a patient says, "I think I’m in love with you."
The hard truth about boundaries and ethics
Here is where things get serious. You might be hoping they feel the same way. You might be looking for "signs" that they’re into you too.
Stop.
If a psychiatrist acts on those feelings, they are committing a massive ethical violation. The American Psychiatric Association (APA) and the American Psychological Association are very clear: sexual or romantic relationships between a provider and a patient are never okay.
It’s a power imbalance.
The "Never" Rule
Even if you quit therapy today, most medical boards and ethical codes (like those from the Hippocratic Oath and state licensing boards) have strict "waiting periods" or outright bans on dating former patients. In many states, it's considered a crime. Why? Because the psychiatrist knows your deepest secrets, your traumas, and your weaknesses. They have a "fiduciary duty" to protect you.
A relationship can’t be equal when one person has a literal file on the other person’s mental health history.
If your psychiatrist flirts back, touches you inappropriately, or suggests meeting outside of the office, they aren't your soulmate. They are a predator or, at the very least, a highly incompetent professional who is risking your mental stability for their own ego.
What happens if you tell them?
Most people are terrified to say it out loud. They think the psychiatrist will fire them as a patient.
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Actually, the opposite is usually true.
A good doctor will stay calm. They won't be shocked. They will use it as a "clinical moment." They might ask: "What does this feeling represent for you?" or "When else in your life have you felt this kind of intense longing?"
By talking about it, the power of the "crush" usually starts to fade. It becomes a data point rather than a secret that's eating you alive. You start to realize that you don't love them—you love the feeling of being cared for. That's a huge breakthrough.
When it becomes a problem
There are times when the feelings are too much. If you can’t focus on your actual problems because you’re too busy obsessing over your doctor’s wedding ring or their Instagram feed, the therapy has stalled.
If the psychiatrist feels they can no longer be objective, they might refer you to someone else. This feels like a breakup. It hurts. But it’s done to protect your progress.
Real-world signs of healthy vs. unhealthy dynamics
It’s easy to get confused when you’re in the middle of it. Let's look at the "vibe" of the room.
The Healthy Dynamic:
The doctor acknowledges your feelings with kindness but maintains a professional distance. They don't talk about their own romantic life. They keep the focus on your growth. They don't extend sessions just to hang out. They don't text you about non-clinical things.
The Red Flag Dynamic:
They tell you they’re lonely. They complain about their spouse. They suggest "therapy" at a coffee shop or a bar. They give you gifts. They tell you that you’re "the only one who truly understands them."
If any of those red flags are happening, you need to leave. Immediately.
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Moving forward when you're caught in these feelings
So, you’re sitting there, heart racing, thinking i fell in love with my psychiatrist. What is the actual, practical move?
First, breathe. This is a side effect of the work you're doing.
Second, evaluate the intensity. If it's a "work crush" level of interest, you can probably work through it internally. But if it's keeping you up at night, it’s time to speak.
Actionable steps for your next session
- Write it down first. If you’re too nervous to say it, write a note. "I’ve been experiencing some strong romantic feelings toward you and it’s making it hard for me to be honest in our sessions."
- Observe their reaction. A pro will handle this with grace. If they get awkward, defensive, or—worst of all—flirty, you have your answer. You need a new doctor.
- Check the "Why." Ask yourself: "Am I lonely in my real life?" Often, transference happens when our "outside" world is empty of intimacy.
- Don't stalk. Stop the social media deep dives. It only feeds the fantasy. You're looking for a person who doesn't exist; the person on their Facebook page is a stranger to you.
- Be ready for a transition. If the feelings don't go away after talking about them for a few weeks, consider a "warm hand-off" to a new therapist. Sometimes a fresh start with a different gender or a different personality type is the only way to get back to the actual work of healing.
How to report misconduct
If you aren't just "in love" but are actually being pursued by your doctor, you have options. You can contact your state's medical board or the Office of Professional Medical Conduct (OPMC). These organizations exist specifically to handle "boundary crossings."
You aren't "getting them in trouble." They got themselves in trouble by breaking the most basic rule of the medical profession.
Practical next steps for your healing
The goal of therapy is to get you to a place where you can have healthy, reciprocal relationships in the real world. This "crush" is a detour, but it doesn't have to be a dead end.
- Audit your current session goals: Spend the first 10 minutes of your next session focusing strictly on the symptoms that brought you to therapy in the first place (anxiety, depression, trauma).
- Diversify your support: If your psychiatrist is your only emotional outlet, the transference will be ten times stronger. Reach out to a friend, join a hobby group, or start a journal.
- The "Empty Chair" Technique: If you’re too scared to talk to your doctor, try the empty chair exercise at home. Imagine them sitting across from you and say the words out loud. See how it feels in your body.
Love is a complex emotion, especially in a room designed for healing. Whether these feelings are a temporary spike in brain chemicals or a deep-seated projection of past trauma, they are a sign that you are capable of connection. That’s a good thing. Now, take that capacity for connection and start building it in places where it can actually grow into something real.
If you suspect your feelings are hindering your progress, bring it up in your very next appointment. It is the most "therapeutic" thing you can do.