It starts as a whisper. Maybe you snapped at your partner after a long day, or you had a thought so dark it made your stomach do a slow, nauseating flip. Suddenly, the internal dialogue shifts. You aren't just a person who made a mistake or a person having a rough mental health day. You're convinced of something much worse. You think, i feel like a monster i feel like a monster, repeating it until it feels like an absolute, objective truth. It's a heavy, isolating secondary skin that makes you want to crawl out of your own life.
But here is the weird thing about the human brain: the more you worry about being a "monster," the less likely it is that you actually are one. Real monsters—the kind who lack empathy or enjoy causing destruction—don't usually spend their Tuesday nights Googling their own moral failings or feeling crushed by guilt. They don't care. The very fact that you are distressed by your thoughts or actions is the primary piece of evidence that your moral compass is still spinning, even if it’s currently pointing toward a storm.
The Science Behind the Monster Narrative
When you say "i feel like a monster," you’re usually experiencing a massive collision between your actions (or thoughts) and your core values. Psychologists call this cognitive dissonance. It’s a physical discomfort. Your brain is trying to reconcile "I am a good person" with "I just did/thought something bad." If the gap is too wide, the brain takes a shortcut and just rebrands your entire identity as "monster." It’s easier for the mind to label the whole person as bad than to sit with the complexity of being a flawed human.
There is also the "Intrusive Thought" factor. If you’ve ever been standing on a high balcony and had a split-second urge to jump, or been holding a glass and thought about smashing it, you’ve met an intrusive thought. For most, these are background noise. But for people dealing with Harm OCD or high anxiety, these thoughts stick. They become "sticky thoughts." You start to believe that because you had the thought, you must want to do it. That’s a logical fallacy called thought-action fusion. It's basically your brain's wiring getting crossed and treating a mental image like a physical threat.
Shame vs. Guilt: Knowing the Difference
Shame is the engine of the "monster" feeling. Researcher Brené Brown has spent decades breaking this down. Guilt is: "I did something bad." Shame is: "I am bad." Guilt can actually be helpful; it’s the nudge that makes you apologize or fix a mistake. Shame, however, is corrosive. It's the thing that makes you want to disappear. When you’re stuck in the loop of "i feel like a monster i feel like a monster," you’ve moved past guilt into a shame spiral.
In this state, you stop seeking help because you're afraid that if people knew the "real" you, they’d be disgusted. This isolation is dangerous. It prevents the very healing you need.
The Role of Trauma and "The Shadow"
Sometimes this feeling isn't about a specific event. It’s a carryover from how you were raised. If you grew up in an environment where your anger was shamed or your needs were treated like "too much," you might have internalized the idea that your natural human impulses are monstrous. You’ve pushed parts of yourself into what Carl Jung called The Shadow.
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The Shadow isn't evil. It’s just the stuff we’ve been told is unacceptable. If you were never allowed to be angry as a child, your adult anger might feel like a literal demon taking over your body. It feels foreign. It feels scary. But it's just an emotion that has been denied a seat at the table for twenty years. When it finally comes out, it’s messy.
Chronic Illness and the "Body Monster"
We also have to talk about the physical side. People living with chronic pain, PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder), or severe hormonal imbalances often describe a sensation of being possessed.
Take PMDD, for example. In the week before a period, the drop in progesterone can cause a massive dip in serotonin. For some, this leads to "luteal phase rage." You might scream at a loved one over a dropped spoon and then, ten minutes later, sit on the floor crying because you don't recognize the person who just yelled. In those moments, "i feel like a monster" isn't a metaphor; it’s a description of a neurological hijacking. You are literally not functioning with a full deck of neurotransmitters.
How to Deconstruct the "Monster" Label
You can't just wish the feeling away. You have to dismantle it piece by piece. Honestly, it's boring, repetitive work, but it’s the only way out.
First, you have to look at the evidence. If you were a monster, would you be reading an article about how to stop feeling like one? Probably not. Monsters don't seek self-improvement.
Second, check your physiology. Are you hungry? Did you sleep? Are you in a hormonal dip? Are you under a level of stress that would break a normal person? Often, what we call "monstrous behavior" is just a nervous system that has snapped because it can no longer carry the load. You aren't evil; you're exhausted.
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The Power of "Parts Work"
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy is a game-changer here. Instead of saying "I am a monster," IFS suggests saying, "A part of me feels like a monster."
This small shift in language is huge. It creates space. If you are the monster, there’s no hope. If a part of you is acting out, you can talk to that part. You can ask it what it's afraid of. Usually, that "monster" part is actually a very scared, very young part of you that is trying to protect you in a really dysfunctional way. It’s using aggression or withdrawal as a shield.
Breaking the Loop: Actionable Steps
Stop the "i feel like a monster i feel like a monster" mantra by interrupting the pattern. This isn't about "positive vibes"; it's about reality testing.
The Third-Person Test: If your best friend came to you and confessed the exact thing you’re upset about, would you call them a monster? Would you banish them from your life? If the answer is no, your internal judge is being unfair. You are holding yourself to a standard of perfection that doesn't exist for anyone else.
Externalize the Feeling: Give the monster a name. Seriously. If you call your internal critic "Gary," it’s much harder to take Gary seriously when he’s screaming that you’re a soul-sucking beast. It sounds ridiculous, but separating your identity from the intrusive thought is the first step toward sanity.
Check Your Inputs: Are you consuming content that makes you feel worse? Sometimes, if we already feel bad, we seek out stories of "true crime" or "cancelled" people to confirm our bias that humans (and specifically us) are garbage. Turn it off.
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Seek "Me Too" Moments: Read about others who have struggled with the same thoughts. Whether it’s postpartum depression, OCD, or PTSD, you will find thousands of people who have felt exactly like you do. Their stories didn't end with them being monsters; they ended with them getting treatment.
When to Seek Professional Help
If this feeling is constant, it might be more than just a bad mood. It could be a symptom of:
- OCD: Specifically "Pure O" where the obsessions are mental and moral.
- CPTSD: A result of long-term trauma that makes you feel inherently "broken."
- Bipolar Disorder: Especially during mixed episodes or rapid cycling.
- BPD: Where "splitting" can make you see yourself as either all good or all bad.
A therapist isn't there to judge you. They've heard it all. Truly. Whatever "dark" thought you think makes you unique in your monstrosity, a seasoned psychologist has probably heard it three times before lunch.
The Reality of Being Human
Being human is a messy, complicated, and often embarrassing business. We have animal instincts, biological urges, and brains that are prone to glitches. We make mistakes that hurt people we love. We have thoughts that would make a sailor blush.
None of that makes you a monster.
It makes you a person. The "monster" is just a mask that shame wears to keep you from growing. When you stop being afraid of the mask, it loses its power. You can't fix a "monster," but you can help a person who is hurting. Start by treating yourself like a person again.
To move forward, start by identifying one specific "monstrous" thought you’ve had today. Write it down on a piece of paper. Now, look at it and ask: "Is this a fact, or is this a feeling?" More often than not, it’s a feeling triggered by exhaustion or fear. Once you label the feeling, the monster starts to shrink back into the shadows where it belongs. You aren't your worst thought, and you aren't your worst day. You're just the person experiencing them, and that person deserves a little bit of grace.