It starts with a side-eye in a grocery store or a delayed text message that feels like a deliberate snub. Maybe it’s deeper than that. Maybe it’s a lifestyle. When you hit the point where the mantra is i don't trust nobody and nobody trust me, you aren't just quoting a catchy song lyric or acting tough. You're describing a psychological state known as hyper-vigilance, and honestly, it’s an exhausting way to live.
Trust is the invisible glue of the world. Without it, every interaction feels like a negotiation or a potential ambush.
People often arrive at this "double-sided" lack of trust after a series of betrayals. It’s a defense mechanism. If I don't trust you, you can't hurt me. If I make sure you don't trust me, I don't have the burden of living up to your expectations. It’s a clean break from the social contract. But while it feels like a suit of armor, it usually functions more like a cage.
The Science of Why You've Stopped Trusting
Neurobiology has a lot to say about this. The amygdala, that tiny almond-shaped part of your brain, handles fear. When you’ve been burned—by a parent, a partner, or a "friend"—the amygdala goes into overdrive. It begins to flag neutral expressions as hostile. You see a "look" on someone's face and your brain screams danger.
Research published in The Journal of Neuroscience suggests that chronic stress actually reshapes the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for logical reasoning. You literally lose the ability to accurately gauge who is safe and who isn't. It’s a glitch in the software.
It's not just about you, though. Trust is recursive.
When you stop trusting others, your behavior changes. You become colder. You withhold information. You’re suspicious. Humans are incredibly good at picking up on "micro-expressions" and "vibe shifts." If you are treating everyone like a potential traitor, they will naturally pull back. They won't trust you. This creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. You think, "See? Nobody trusts me," but you're the one who set the temperature of the room.
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The Kanye West and Taylor Swift Effect
Let's look at pop culture for a second, because this phrase—i don't trust nobody and nobody trust me—is famously associated with Taylor Swift’s "Look What You Made Me Do." It was a response to the massive public fallout involving Kanye West and Kim Kardashian.
This is a textbook example of social isolation following a public "betrayal." When the world watched a leaked (and edited) phone call, the narrative shifted. Swift felt she couldn't trust the industry, and for a while, the public didn't trust her narrative. It was a stalemate of suspicion.
But celebrities aren't the only ones. Think about the average workplace. If a manager suspects an employee is stealing time, they micromanage. The employee feels the lack of trust and starts to resent the manager, leading them to actually do less work or look for a new job. The manager sees the disengagement and thinks, "I knew I couldn't trust them."
It’s a race to the bottom.
Breaking the Cycle of Universal Suspicion
Is it possible to flip the switch? Sorta. But it’s not about suddenly becoming naive.
Psychologists often talk about "low-stakes vulnerability." You don't start by giving someone your bank password. You start by admitting you’re tired or that you didn't understand a movie. Small risks.
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Audit your "Evidence": Most of the time, our lack of trust is based on a "general feeling" rather than specific, recent actions. Ask yourself: Did this specific person actually do something to lose my trust, or am I punishing them for what someone else did five years ago?
The "Benefit of the Doubt" Experiment: Try, just for one day, to assume people are incompetent rather than malicious. Most people aren't out to get you; they're just busy, distracted, or bad at communicating.
Check Your Own Signals: If you feel like nobody trusts you, look at your transparency. Do you hide your phone? Do you give vague answers? If you want trust, you have to model it first, even when it feels like walking onto a battlefield without a shield.
High-Conflict Personalities and Real Paranoia
We have to be careful here. Sometimes, the feeling that "nobody trusts me" is a symptom of something more clinical, like Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or PPD (Paranoid Personality Disorder).
In these cases, the brain is essentially stuck in a loop. Dr. Judith Herman, a leading expert on trauma, notes that people with complex PTSD often struggle with "relational safety." They feel like they are constantly on the verge of being cast out. If this is you, no amount of "positive thinking" is going to fix a nervous system that is stuck in fight-or-flight mode. Therapy—specifically Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)—is often the only way to recalibrate that internal compass.
Practical Steps to Rebuilding Social Credit
If you are currently living in a world where i don't trust nobody and nobody trust me, you are likely lonely. Even if you say you like being alone, humans are tribal animals. Isolation kills.
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Start by being the person who is "trust-worthy" in small, boring ways. Show up when you say you will. Finish the task you promised. Don't gossip about the one person you do somewhat like.
Trust isn't a feeling. It's an action.
It is a series of consistent behaviors over time. You can't demand it, and you can't find it under a rock. You build it by being predictable. When you are predictable, people feel safe. When they feel safe, they trust you. When they trust you, it becomes much easier for you to lower your own guard and trust them back.
Stop looking for the "trap." Sometimes a "hello" is just a "hello." Sometimes a mistake is just a mistake. Life is a lot lighter when you aren't carrying the weight of everyone's potential treachery on your shoulders.
Actionable Next Steps:
- Identify one person in your life who has never actually lied to you. Commit to one honest conversation with them this week.
- Practice "Active Transparency." If you're going to be late or if you made a mistake, lead with the truth before you're asked.
- Monitor your "mental filter." Every time you think "they're trying to screw me over," write down three other possible reasons for their behavior (e.g., they're stressed, they forgot, they're having a bad day).