It starts with a small flicker of doubt. Maybe a coworker took credit for your idea, or a partner "forgot" to mention they were grabbing drinks with an ex. Suddenly, the world feels a lot sharper, more jagged. You find yourself sitting on the couch, scrolling through old texts or overanalyzing a Slack message, and that heavy thought settles in: i don't trust anyone.
It’s a lonely place to be. Honestly, it’s exhausting.
But you aren't alone in feeling this way. We are currently living through what sociologists call a "crisis of trust." According to the Pew Research Center, trust in institutions and in each other has been on a steady decline for decades. In 1972, about 45% of Americans felt that "most people can be trusted." By 2018, that number plummeted to roughly 30%. We’ve become a society of skeptics, hunkered down in our own psychological bunkers, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
The Science of Why You’ve Gone Cold
Trust isn't just a "vibe" or a moral choice. It’s biological.
When you trust someone, your brain releases oxytocin. It’s that "cuddle hormone" you’ve probably heard about, but its real job is to lower your fear response. It tells your amygdala—the brain’s alarm system—to chill out. When you’re in a state where you feel like you can't trust anyone, your amygdala is basically screaming 24/7. You are in a state of hyper-vigilance.
Psychologist Erik Erikson argued that "Trust vs. Mistrust" is the very first stage of human development. If that stage gets messed up because of childhood trauma or "paternal inconsistency," you carry that blueprint into adulthood. You aren't being "difficult." Your brain is literally trying to protect you from perceived predators.
It’s survival. Pure and simple.
However, survival mode is a terrible way to live long-term. Chronic mistrust is linked to higher levels of cortisol. That leads to inflammation. It leads to heart disease. It leads to a shorter life. Essentially, "i don't trust anyone" is a physical weight you're carrying that's slowly wearing down your gears.
Misconceptions: It’s Not Just About "Being Burned"
People love to say, "Oh, you just haven't met the right people."
That’s annoying. And it’s wrong.
Low trust often has more to do with your internal filter than the actual behavior of the people around you. This is known as the "Trust Propensity" model. Some people have a high baseline; they trust until given a reason not to. Others have a low baseline; they suspect until proven otherwise.
If you're in the "i don't trust anyone" camp, you might be experiencing Pistanthrophobia.
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That is the actual clinical term for the fear of trusting people due to past bad experiences. It creates a "confirmation bias" loop. You look for evidence that people are flaky or mean. When they inevitably make a mistake—because humans are messy—you say, "See? I knew it." You ignore the fifty times they were actually reliable because your brain is scanning for the one time they weren't.
The Digital Wedge
We have to talk about the internet. It has wrecked our ability to see people as humans.
When you spend four hours a day seeing curated "perfect" lives or reading rage-bait headlines, your perception of humanity warps. You see the "main character" of the day getting cancelled and you think, Everyone is a liar. Social media creates a "low-stakes" environment where we can discard people with a click. When people become disposable, trust becomes impossible.
When Mistrust Becomes a Superpower (and When It’s a Cage)
Look, a certain level of skepticism is healthy. If a stranger DMs you asking for your Social Security number, "i don't trust anyone" is the correct response.
In the business world, "Zero Trust" is actually a major security framework. It assumes that every device or user trying to access a private network is a threat until verified. It works great for protecting data.
It works horribly for protecting a marriage or a friendship.
There’s a nuance here that most people miss. You can be "discerning" without being "cynical." Discernment is looking at data and making a choice. Cynicism is a wall you build before the data even arrives.
I once talked to a woman who hadn't been on a second date in three years. She told me, "i don't trust anyone because men only want one thing." That’s a wall. It’s a generalization that protects her from the possibility of hurt, but it also guarantees the certainty of loneliness.
Real Stories of Rebuilding (Not the Fluffy Stuff)
Let’s look at the work of Dr. John Gottman. He’s the world’s leading expert on relationships. He talks about "The Trust Table."
Trust isn't built in one giant leap. It’s built in "sliding door" moments. These are tiny, everyday opportunities to connect or turn away.
- You’re sad. Your partner notices and asks what’s wrong. (Trust builds.)
- You’re sad. Your partner keeps watching TV. (Trust erodes.)
If you feel like you can't trust anyone, you probably aren't looking for these tiny moments. You’re waiting for a grand gesture of loyalty that might never come.
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I remember a guy named Mark. He was a veteran who came back with severe trust issues. He wouldn't even let a mechanic work on his car without watching him the whole time. He started small. He decided to trust one person with one small thing. He let his neighbor water his plants while he was gone for a weekend.
The plants didn't die.
That sounds stupidly simple, doesn't it? But for someone who feels "i don't trust anyone," that’s a massive win. It’s a data point that contradicts the "everyone is out to get me" narrative.
The Social Media Paradox
Interestingly, research shows that people who use social media heavily actually report lower levels of social trust. Why? Because we are losing the "muscle memory" of face-to-face interaction.
In person, you have micro-expressions. You have tone of voice. You have the "vibe."
Online, you have text. Text is easy to misinterpret. You read a "K" as aggressive when it was just someone in a rush. You start to think, They’re mad at me. They’re plotting. If you want to stop feeling like you can't trust anyone, you might actually need to put the phone down and go talk to a cashier or a librarian. Small, low-stakes "social snacking" helps recalibrate your brain to realize that 99% of people are just trying to get through their day, not ruin yours.
Breaking the "i don't trust anyone" Cycle
If you’re ready to stop living in a bunker, you don't start by trusting a stranger with your deepest secrets. That’s foolish.
You start with Self-Trust.
Most people who don't trust others actually don't trust themselves to handle the fallout if they get betrayed. They think, If someone hurts me, I won't survive it. Building trust is actually about building resilience. It’s saying, "I will give you a 'B-level' of trust. If you blow it, I’ll be hurt, but I’ll be okay."
Actionable Steps to Shift Your Perspective
Stop trying to fix the whole world. Fix your immediate radius.
Audit your "Inner Circle"
Take a hard look at who you spend time with. Are you surrounding yourself with people who talk badly about others? If they gossip to you, they are gossiping about you. Your "i don't trust anyone" feeling might be a very accurate reaction to a toxic social circle. Move toward people who have "consistent character" over "charismatic personality."
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The 10% Rule
Try trusting someone with something 10% bigger than what you’re comfortable with. Share a minor insecurity. Ask for a small favor. See what happens. If they handle it well, you have a new data point. If they don't, you only lost 10%.
Check Your Projections
Are you untrustworthy? Ouch. I know. But sometimes we project our own tendencies onto others. If you tend to white-lie to avoid conflict, you’ll assume everyone else is doing it too. Integrity starts at home. When you become a person who is hyper-reliable, you start to attract (and recognize) that in others.
Stop Over-Explaining
People with low trust often "over-share" as a defense mechanism or "over-explain" to keep control of the narrative. Practice saying less. Let people show you who they are through their actions rather than trying to manage their perception of you.
Physical Grounding
When that "i don't trust anyone" panic hits, your body is in a state of high arousal. Use the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique. 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste. Get out of your head and back into the physical world where the "threat" usually doesn't actually exist.
The Reality Check
Look, some people are untrustworthy.
Betrayal is a real part of the human experience. You will probably be let down again. That is the price of admission for being part of society. The goal isn't to reach a state where you are never hurt; the goal is to reach a state where the fear of being hurt doesn't stop you from living.
When you say "i don't trust anyone," you are essentially choosing a slow, quiet loneliness over a messy, vibrant life.
It’s a trade-off.
But as you start to lower the drawbridge, even just a few inches, you’ll notice something. The world isn't as scary as your amygdala told you it was. Most people are just as scared, flawed, and looking for connection as you are.
Start by trusting yourself to handle the "mess." The rest usually follows.
Next Steps for Your Growth
- Journal Prompt: Identify the "Origin Point." When was the first time you felt like you couldn't trust anyone? Write down the facts of that event versus the story you've told yourself about it.
- The Reliability Test: For the next seven days, be 100% "on time" for everything. Observe how being extremely reliable changes how you view the reliability of others.
- Media Fast: Cut out news and social media for 48 hours. Notice if your general anxiety about "people" drops when you aren't being fed a constant stream of human failure.