You’re sitting on a couch, the movie is winding down, and the vibe is definitely shifting toward "the moment." Your partner leans in. Most people would be thrilled, right? But for you, there’s this internal cringe. A physical recoil you’re trying to hide. You might be thinking, "What is wrong with me?" because society treats making out like it’s the universal gold standard of intimacy. Honestly, if you’ve ever thought i don't like kissing, you are far from alone.
It's a weirdly taboo topic. We talk about sexual preferences, food allergies, and political leanings, but admit you find swapping saliva a bit gross? People look at you like you have three heads. But here's the thing: it’s actually a very documented, very real phenomenon that spans biological, psychological, and sensory reasons.
The Science of Why Some People Just Don't Get the Hype
Let's get into the weeds of why our brains react differently to this. For some, the act of kissing triggers a massive hit of dopamine and oxytocin. It’s a chemical cocktail. For others? It just feels like wet skin and weird noises. There is a specific term you might want to know about: philemaphobia. Now, that's the extreme end—an actual fear of kissing—but many people live in the gray area where they just find it "meh" or slightly off-putting.
Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS) plays a huge role here. If you’re a Highly Sensitive Person, the sheer amount of sensory input involved in a deep kiss can be overwhelming. You have the smell of someone else’s breath, the texture of their tongue, the sound of breathing, and the slickness of saliva. It’s a lot. If your brain is wired to be hyper-aware of textures, a French kiss can feel less like a romantic gesture and more like a sensory assault.
Sheril Kirshenbaum, author of The Science of Kissing, notes that while kissing is a way for our bodies to "sample" a partner’s histocompatibility (basically checking if your immune systems are a good match), it’s not the only way. If your body isn't getting that positive feedback loop from a kiss, it’s not a failure. It’s just a different wiring.
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Cultural Myths and the "Rom-Com" Pressure
We’ve been sold a lie. Since the first silent films, we’ve been told that a leg-pop-inducing kiss is the peak of human connection. If you aren't feeling that, you might feel broken.
But did you know that kissing isn't even universal? A 2015 study published in American Anthropologist looked at 168 cultures worldwide. The researchers, including Dr. Justin Garcia of the Kinsey Institute, found that only about 46% of these cultures engaged in romantic-sexual kissing. That’s less than half. Some cultures found the idea of "mouth-to-mouth" contact disgusting. In many indigenous groups, intimacy is shown through touch, scent-rubbing (like the "Eskimo kiss" or kunik), or simply being close.
So, if you’re sitting there thinking i don't like kissing, you might just be more aligned with the other 54% of the world’s cultural history than with a Hollywood script.
Is it Asexuality, Trauma, or Just Preference?
It’s important to distinguish between "I don't like this specific act" and "I don't like intimacy."
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Some people on the asexuality spectrum—specifically those who identify as "gray-ace" or "allosexual but touch-averse"—might find kissing unnecessary. They might love their partner deeply and even enjoy other forms of physical touch, but the mouth-to-mouth thing just doesn't compute. It feels performative.
Then there’s the trauma aspect. If someone has had their boundaries crossed in the past, the mouth—a very vulnerable, expressive part of the body—can feel like a "danger zone." In these cases, the dislike isn't about the sensation itself, but about the feeling of being invaded.
However, many people have zero trauma and are totally sexual, yet they still find kissing overrated. It’s like olives. Some people love them; some people think they taste like salt-soaked rubber. Neither person is wrong. You’re allowed to have preferences for what happens with your own face.
Navigating Relationships When You’re "Pro-Cuddle, Anti-Kiss"
This is where it gets tricky. Most partners equate kissing with affection. If you pull away, they feel rejected. They think, "They don't like me," when the reality is, "I like you, I just don't want your tongue in my mouth."
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Communication here has to be blunt but kind. Using "I" statements is the classic therapy move for a reason. Instead of saying, "Your kissing is gross," try "I've realized that I'm just not a big fan of kissing in general. It’s a sensory thing for me, and it doesn't mean I’m not attracted to you."
- Offer Alternatives: Show affection in ways that do feel good. Deep pressure hugs, holding hands, or "butterfly kisses" (eyelashes against skin).
- The "Short and Sweet" Compromise: Some people find that they can handle (and even enjoy) a quick peck, but it’s the extended making out that triggers the "get me out of here" reflex. Setting that boundary is okay.
- Check for Medical Issues: Sometimes a sudden dislike of kissing can be linked to something like halitophobia (fear of bad breath) or even a zinc deficiency that affects taste and smell. If this is a new feeling, it might be worth a quick check-up.
Real Talk: You Aren't Broken
The internet is full of forums like Reddit and Quora where people desperately ask if they’re "normal" for not liking kissing. The answer is a resounding yes. You aren't a robot. You aren't cold. You just have a different sensory profile.
We live in an era of "body neutrality" and "sexual autonomy," yet we still hold onto these rigid ideas of what a relationship must look like. If a relationship is a house, kissing is just one piece of furniture. You can decorate the house without that specific chair and it’s still a home.
Actionable Steps for Moving Forward
If you’re struggling with the fact that i don't like kissing, don't just sit in the guilt. Take these steps to reclaim your comfort:
- Audit your sensory triggers. Figure out exactly what part you dislike. Is it the wetness? The sound? The loss of personal space? Knowing the "why" helps you explain it to others.
- Talk to your partner ASAP. Waiting six months into a relationship to mention you hate kissing is a recipe for a blow-up. Mention it early, like you’d mention a food preference.
- Research the "Split Attraction Model." This helps distinguish between romantic attraction (who you want to date) and physical/sensory preferences (what you want to do with them).
- Practice "Active Touch" alternatives. Focus on scalp massages, back scratches, or leaning your head on someone's shoulder. These build the same oxytocin bonds without the saliva exchange.
- Release the "Normal" Burden. Stop comparing your private physical life to what you see on TV. If your relationship works for you and your partner, the "standard" doesn't matter.
Personal boundaries are the foundation of any healthy connection. If kissing isn't your thing, own it. There is immense power in saying, "I love being with you, but let’s skip the making out." The right person will value your comfort over a societal script every single time.