Honestly, most guys approach the bedroom like they’re trying to crack a safe. They think if they just turn the dial three times to the left and twice to the right, the door will swing open and they'll finally know how to make your gf come. It doesn’t work like that. Biology isn't a combination lock. It’s more like a conversation—one where you’re probably doing too much talking and not enough listening.
Sex is messy. It’s loud, sometimes awkward, and rarely looks like the movies. If you’re reading this, you likely care about her pleasure, which is a great start. But caring isn’t the same as understanding. To really get her there, you have to throw out the "porn logic" and look at the actual physiological reality of the female body.
We’re talking about blood flow, nerve endings, and the massive role the brain plays in the whole process.
The Clitoris Is the Actual Main Event
Here is the truth: for about 70% to 80% of women, penetration alone isn't going to result in an orgasm. That’s not a "flaw." It’s just how the hardware is wired. The clitoris has over 8,000 nerve endings. Compare that to the penis, which has about 4,000. It is the only organ in the human body dedicated entirely to pleasure. Yet, so many people treat it like a side dish.
If you want to know how to make your gf come, you have to make the clitoris the protagonist.
You've probably heard of the "G-spot," but researchers like Dr. Helen O'Connell have shown that the G-spot isn't even a distinct "spot." It's actually part of the internal structure of the clitoris. When you stimulate the front wall of the vagina, you're essentially massaging the roots of the clitoris from the inside.
Why Pressure Matters More Than Speed
Most guys start moving their hands or tongues like they’re trying to win a race. Stop. Rapid, frantic movements usually just lead to numbness or irritation.
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Consistency is king. If she tells you something feels good, do not—I repeat, do not—change what you are doing. Don't speed up. Don't press harder. Just stay exactly where you are. The moment you "level up" the intensity because you think she’s close, you might actually pull her out of the moment. It’s a sensory rhythm.
The Brain Is the Largest Sex Organ
Stress is the ultimate buzzkill. When the body is in "fight or flight" mode, it produces cortisol. Cortisol is the enemy of arousal. If your girlfriend is worried about the dishes, a work email, or how her body looks in a certain light, her nervous system isn't going to let her reach a peak.
This is why "foreplay" doesn't start in the bedroom.
It starts when you take the mental load off her earlier in the day. It sounds cliché, but for many women, a clean kitchen or a genuine compliment that has nothing to do with sex is the best aphrodisiac. You're lowering her guard. You're signaling to her brain that it’s safe to relax.
The Arousal Gap is Real
Men usually get aroused quickly. Physical stimulus leads to an immediate response. For women, it’s often a slow burn. This is what sex researchers call "Responsive Desire." She might not be "in the mood" the second you touch her, but her body can get there if you give it time.
Think of it like a car engine in the winter. You can't just floor it immediately. You have to let it idle.
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Focus on the "outer-course" first. Kissing, touching her neck, her thighs, her back. The goal isn't to get to the "end" as fast as possible. The goal is to build up so much tension that the eventual climax feels like an inevitability rather than a chore you're working toward.
Communication Without the Cringe
"Is this okay?" is a fine question, but "Tell me what you want" is better.
Sometimes, she might not even know. Or she might feel pressured to perform. If she feels like you’re "working" on her, she’ll feel like a project. Nobody wants to feel like a project.
Use your hands to guide her, or better yet, let her guide yours. If she moves your hand away from a certain spot, don't take it personally. She’s just giving you data. Use that data.
How to make your gf come isn't about being a "master" of some secret technique. It's about being observant. Watch her breathing. Is it getting shallower? Is her skin flushing? These are the real-time metrics of her arousal. If she’s quiet and still, you’re likely losing her.
Position Tweaks That Actually Work
If you're relying on standard missionary, you're making it hard for her. The angles usually don't allow for enough clitoral contact.
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- The CAT Position: This is the Coital Alignment Technique. It’s basically missionary but you shift your body higher up so your pelvis is grinding against her clitoris with every move. It’s less about "thrusting" and more about "rocking."
- Woman on Top: This gives her total control over the angle and the depth. She can lean forward to get that necessary friction.
- The Pillow Trick: Put a pillow under her hips. It changes the tilt of the pelvis and allows for different points of internal contact that might hit those clitoral "roots" we talked about earlier.
Vibrators Are Not Your Competition
If you aren't using toys, you're playing the game on "Hard Mode" for no reason.
A lot of guys feel threatened by vibrators. They think, "If she needs a machine, what am I here for?" You're there for the intimacy, the heat, the connection, and the other 90% of the experience. A vibrator is just a tool, like a whisk in a kitchen. You can beat eggs by hand, but why would you when the whisk does it perfectly in ten seconds?
Bringing a toy into the mix can take the pressure off you to be a human jackhammer. It allows her to get the high-frequency stimulation she needs while you focus on the rest of her body.
The "Afterglow" and Why It Matters
Don't just roll over and check your phone. The moments immediately following an orgasm (or even a session where she didn't quite get there) are crucial for emotional bonding. Oxytocin—the "cuddle hormone"—is flooding her system.
If you bolt the second you’re done, you’re sending a message that the intimacy was just a transaction. Stay. Hold her. Talk.
Actionable Steps for Tonight
Don't try to overhaul everything at once. Pick one or two things to focus on.
- Prioritize the Clitoris: Spend at least 15 minutes on direct or indirect clitoral stimulation before you even think about penetration. Use plenty of lubrication—friction should never be painful.
- Slow Down: Cut your current speed in half. Focus on the sensation of skin-on-skin rather than the "goal."
- Check the Vibe: Make sure the environment is comfortable. Dim the lights, put the phones away, and make sure she isn't worried about being interrupted.
- Listen to her Body: If she arches her back or moves closer, keep doing exactly what you are doing. Consistency is the bridge to a climax.
- Remove the Pressure: Tell her—and mean it—that it doesn't matter if she comes or not. The moment she stops worrying about "disappointing" you by not climaxing, her body will finally be able to relax enough to actually do it.
The most important thing is to remember that every woman is different. What worked for an ex might be annoying to your current girlfriend. What worked last Tuesday might not work tonight. Stay curious, stay patient, and stop treating the bedroom like a meritocracy. Pleasure is the point, not the trophy at the end.