You're sitting there. Maybe you're at a bar, or maybe you're just staring at a "seen" receipt on your phone, wondering why he hasn't just asked you out yet. It's frustrating. Honestly, it’s a bit exhausting to feel like you’re the one holding the map while he’s just wandering around in the woods without a compass. You like him. He seems to like you. But the actual "move"—the physical step forward or the "let's go to dinner" text—is MIA.
Understanding how to make a guy make a move isn't about manipulation or some weird 1950s "playing hard to get" strategy. It’s actually about psychological safety. Most guys are terrified of rejection. Truly. In a 2023 study published in Psychological Science, researchers found that the fear of social exclusion (which is basically what a "no" feels like) activates the same regions of the brain as physical pain. He isn't being lazy. He's being self-protective.
If you want him to step up, you have to lower the stakes. You’ve gotta make it feel like he’s kicking an open door rather than trying to break down a reinforced steel wall.
The Science of the "Green Light" Signal
Social psychology calls this "receptive signaling." Basically, it’s the art of letting someone know they won't be humiliated if they try something. Most people think they are being obvious about their interest. You think you're practically shouting "KISS ME" with your eyes, but to him, you might just look like you're tired or focused on your drink.
There’s this concept called the "signal amplification bias." It’s a cognitive bias where we believe our internal feelings are way more apparent to others than they actually are. You feel the heat; he just sees a person sitting there. To bridge that gap, you need to use "micro-escalations."
Don't just wait.
Lean in.
A study by Dr. Monica Moore at Webster University tracked people in social settings and found that it wasn't the most "traditionally attractive" people who got approached most often. It was the ones who signaled availability through frequent eye contact and smiling. If you want to know how to make a guy make a move, you start by being the most "reachable" person in the room.
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Why Your Body Language Is Probably Too "Closed"
Most of us cross our arms when we’re nervous. Or we hold our phones like a literal shield in front of our chests. Stop that. If your body is a fortress, he’s not going to try to storm it.
Try the "Triangle Method." It’s a classic, but it works because it mimics natural physiological responses to attraction. Look at one eye, then the other, then drop your gaze to his mouth for just a split second. It’s a subtle shift in focus that signals a transition from "we are talking" to "I am thinking about kissing you." It’s primal. It bypasses his logical, "should I or shouldn't I" brain and hits his instinctual "oh, she’s interested" brain.
And touch.
Touch is huge.
You don't have to be aggressive. A light graze on the forearm when he says something funny is plenty. According to research on "Midas Touch" effects, even brief, non-intimate touch can increase prosocial behavior and feelings of connection. By touching his arm, you are effectively telling his nervous system that you are comfortable with his physical presence. You’ve just lowered the barrier for him to reach back.
Breaking the "Texting Deadlock"
Sometimes the move he needs to make isn't physical. It's digital. We’ve all been in that loop where the conversation is "hey," "how’s it going," "good, you?" It’s a slow death by small talk.
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To break this, stop being so helpful.
Wait, let me explain. If you are always the one keeping the conversation afloat by asking a million questions, he never feels the "drop" in the conversation. He doesn't feel the need to "save" it.
Try the "Statement-Question" flip. Instead of asking "What are you doing this weekend?"—which feels like an interview—try saying "I’m heading to that new taco spot on Saturday, I've heard the margaritas are actually dangerous."
You’ve given him an opening. You’ve mentioned a time, a place, and an activity. If he has any interest at all, his brain will scream: "ASK TO GO WITH HER." You are essentially hand-delivering him the script for the move you want him to make.
The Power of the "Damsel" (But Not Really)
This is going to sound old-school, but bear with me. There’s a psychological concept called the Benjamin Franklin Effect. It suggests that we like people more after we do a favor for them. Why? Because our brains justify the effort by thinking, "I must like this person if I'm helping them."
If you’re wondering how to make a guy make a move, give him a small "job." Ask for his opinion on something he’s good at. Ask him to help you move a heavy chair or open a stubborn jar if you're in the same room. It triggers what some psychologists call the "Hero Instinct"—a term popularized by relationship coach James Bauer. While the term is a bit "marketing-heavy," the underlying psychology is sound: men (and people in general) feel more bonded to those who make them feel capable and appreciated.
When he helps, and you show genuine appreciation, you’re creating a positive feedback loop. He feels good around you. He feels "manly" or "capable" or "smart." Naturally, he’s going to want to move closer to the person making him feel like the best version of himself.
When He’s Just Too Shy: The "Conditional" Invite
Sometimes, you’re dealing with a guy who is a total "Goldilocks"—he needs everything to be just right before he acts. He’s not a coward; he might just have high "rejection sensitivity."
In these cases, you use a "Conditional Invite."
"I’m going to this concert next week, you should totally come if you're free."
Notice the "if you're free." It’s a safety net. If he says he’s busy, he’s not rejecting you; he’s just busy. This protects his ego while still making it incredibly clear that the door is unlocked and the lights are on. It’s the ultimate "how to make a guy make a move" hack for the shy ones.
Dealing With the Fear of "Creepiness"
We have to acknowledge the current social climate. A lot of guys are genuinely worried about being "that guy." They don't want to overstep or make a woman feel uncomfortable. This is actually a sign of a good guy, but it makes the "move" part much harder.
Because of this, you might need to be 20% more obvious than you think you need to be. If you’re used to being subtle, try being direct.
"I'm really glad we're hanging out just the two of us."
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That sentence alone is a massive green flag. It categorizes the time as "special" rather than "friendly." It signals that you value the intimacy of the moment. For a guy who is worried about misreading signs, this is the clarity he needs to finally lean in.
Actionable Steps To Get Things Moving
Instead of waiting for the stars to align, take control of the environment. Here is exactly what you do next time you're with him:
- The Proximity Test: Sit slightly closer than is "normal" for friends. If you're on a couch, don't sit on the opposite end. Sit just inside his personal bubble. If he doesn't pull away, the physical "move" is 90% authorized.
- The Verbal Hook: Mention something you've wanted to do but "haven't found the right person to go with yet." It’s a cliché because it works. It’s an invitation without the risk of a formal "date" proposal.
- The Eye-Contact Hold: When you laugh at something he says, hold his gaze for two seconds longer than you usually would. It creates a "micro-moment" of tension. Tension is the precursor to a move.
- The Phone Drop: When you are with him, put your phone face down on the table. It’s a silent signal that says "Nothing out there is more important than what’s happening right here."
Ultimately, making a guy make a move is about removing the friction. You are the path of least resistance. When the fear of missing out on you finally outweighs his fear of being rejected by you, he will act. Your only job is to make sure he knows the "Yes" is already waiting for him.