Most advice about oral sex sounds like it was written by someone who has never actually done it. Or, worse, it’s a list of "tips" pulled from a movie that prioritizes how things look over how they actually feel. It's frustrating. You want to be good at it, but the internet is full of vague suggestions about "using your hands" or "making eye contact" without explaining the why or the how.
Let's get real. Giving a guy head isn't just a physical act; it’s a mix of biology, psychology, and—honestly—just figuring out what isn't going to make your jaw ache after five minutes. If you’ve ever felt like you’re just guessing, you aren’t alone. Even people who have been sexually active for decades often struggle with the mechanics of the male anatomy because, frankly, every guy is built a little differently.
The Anatomy Lesson Nobody Gave You
Before you even start, you have to understand what you're working with. It's not just a single nerve ending. The glans—the head of the penis—is packed with about 4,000 nerve endings. To put that in perspective, the clitoris has about double that, but 4,000 is still a massive amount of sensitivity concentrated in a very small area.
The frenulum is the real MVP here. It’s that small, V-shaped bit of skin on the underside, just below the head. If you ignore the frenulum, you're missing the most sensitive spot on his body. Most guys will tell you (if they’re being honest) that direct, focused attention right there is the difference between "that's nice" and "I can't breathe."
Then there’s the shaft. While it’s less sensitive than the head, it’s essential for building pressure. Pleasure for men is often a combination of temperature, moisture, and tension. Without tension, it just feels like someone is touching their arm. You need to create a vacuum or use your hands to provide that snugness that his body is wired to respond to.
The Moisture Myth
The biggest mistake? Not using enough spit. Or lube.
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Seriously. Friction is the enemy of a good experience. If the skin is dragging, it’s not pleasurable; it’s irritating. Think about it like a slip-and-slide. If there’s no water, you’re just getting a rug burn. While your mouth produces saliva, it’s usually not enough for a long session, especially if you’re focusing on the shaft.
Don't be afraid to use a water-based lubricant. A lot of people think using lube for head is "cheating" or means they aren't doing a good job. That’s total nonsense. Pros use lube. It protects your throat, it protects his skin, and it makes every movement smoother. Just make sure it’s a flavor you actually like, or go for something high-quality and unflavored like Sliquid.
Why Your Hands Are Your Best Friend
Your mouth is a relatively small space. You can’t fit everything in there comfortably, and you shouldn't try to. This is where people get "jaw lock" or start feeling like it's a chore.
Use your hands to do the heavy lifting.
If you wrap one hand around the base and move it in sync with your mouth, you’re creating the illusion of more depth than actually exists. It’s a literal magic trick. By using your hand to cover the parts of the shaft that aren't in your mouth, you provide constant stimulation. This also allows you to take breaks. You can slow down the oral part, focus on the tip with your tongue, and let your hand maintain the rhythm on the shaft.
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Rhythms, Patterns, and the "Finish Line"
Consistency is better than variety.
This is counter-intuitive. We’re taught that we need to have a "bag of tricks" and keep switching things up to keep it interesting. But for most men, once they get close to climax, they need one specific sensation repeated exactly the same way. If you change the rhythm right when he’s about to finish, you might actually kill the momentum.
Start slow. Explore. Find what makes him make that sound. Once you find it, stay there. Speed it up slightly as he gets closer, but keep the technique the same.
Common Pitfalls (And How to Fix Them)
Teeth. They happen. It’s not the end of the world, but it can be a mood killer. The trick is to keep your lips tucked over your teeth like you're imitating an old person without dentures. It feels a bit silly at first, but it creates a soft, pillowy cushion.
Another big one: Gagging. It’s a natural reflex. Your body thinks it’s choking. To bypass this, try tucking your thumb into your fist and squeezing it hard. It’s a weird neurological hack that suppresses the gag reflex for many people. Also, try angling your head. Instead of going straight down, tuck your chin toward your chest or tilt your head to the side.
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The Mental Game
He’s nervous too. Most guys are hyper-aware of whether or not you’re enjoying yourself. If you look bored or like you’re checking a task off a to-do list, he’s going to feel it. You don't have to put on a porn-star performance, but showing genuine interest makes a huge difference.
Talk to him. Ask "Do you like this?" or "Faster or slower?" It isn't "unsexy" to communicate. In fact, Dr. Emily Nagoski, author of Come As You Are, emphasizes that communication is the primary driver of sexual satisfaction. Knowing exactly what works for your partner removes the guesswork and makes the whole experience more efficient and enjoyable for both of you.
Actionable Next Steps for Your Next Session
If you want to improve your technique tonight, start with these three specific adjustments:
- Focus on the Under-side: Spend sixty seconds focusing exclusively on the frenulum with just the tip of your tongue. Use light, flicking motions.
- The "O" Shape: Keep your lips firm but your jaw relaxed. Use your hand to grip the base firmly while your mouth handles the top third.
- Breathe through your nose: It sounds simple, but many people hold their breath, which increases tension and makes the gag reflex worse. Deep, steady nose-breathing keeps you relaxed and allows you to stay in the moment longer.
Experiment with the "Twist and Pull" method—as you move your mouth up, give your hand a slight clockwise twist. It changes the way the skin moves over the nerve endings and provides a sensation he likely hasn't felt before. Pay attention to his breathing; it’s the best GPS you have.