Forget the beret. Seriously. If you walk down the Boulevard Saint-Germain wearing a bright red felt circle on your head, the only thing you’re successfully projecting is "I just spent ten euros at a souvenir stall near Notre Dame." Being Parisian isn't a costume. It's an attitude. It's a specific, slightly grumpy, yet fiercely elegant way of moving through the world.
Most people think learning how to be Parisian is about buying the right trench coat or memorizing a wine list. It’s not. It’s about a refusal to over-explain yourself. It’s about the art of the non. It’s about knowing that "effortless" actually takes a lot of quiet, calculated effort behind the scenes, but you’d sooner die than let anyone see you trying.
The Myth of the Perfect French Woman
We’ve all seen the books. French Women Don't Get Fat. How to Be Parisian Wherever You Are. They paint this picture of a woman who wakes up with perfect bedhead, eats a croissant without dropping a single flake on her silk shirt, and spends her afternoons discussing Sartre at a cafe.
Real life in Paris is noisier. It’s crowded. The metro smells like a mix of expensive perfume and damp stone. To actually live like a local, you have to embrace the friction. A real Parisian is often slightly annoyed. They’re annoyed at the traffic, the weather, and especially at the person standing on the left side of the escalator.
This "grumpiness" isn't actually anger. It’s a high standard for life. When you stop smiling at every stranger you pass, you aren't being mean; you're being private. In Paris, privacy is the ultimate luxury. You don't owe the world your 24/7 "customer service" face.
The Uniform: Less is Always More
Let’s talk clothes because everyone asks. The "Parisian style" is basically a rejection of trends. If you want to know how to be Parisian, look at what was cool in 1970. It’s probably still cool now.
- The Palette: Navy, black, grey, beige, white. That’s it. If you wear neon, you’re a tourist or a fashion week influencer. Neither is particularly "Parisian" in the classic sense.
- The Fit: Nothing is too tight. Nothing is too baggy. It should look like you inherited it from a very chic aunt.
- The Accessories: One good watch. One pair of leather boots that have been resoled three times. A scarf, obviously. But don't tie it in a perfect bow; just throw it on.
Caroline de Maigret, a quintessential figure of Parisian style, often talks about the "imperfection" factor. She suggests that if your outfit is too perfect, you should mess up your hair. If your hair is perfect, wear an old sweater. Balance is everything. You want to look like you forgot how beautiful you are.
Why Your Social Graces Are Probably Wrong
If you walk into a shop in Paris and start asking for prices without saying Bonjour, you’ve already lost. You’ve basically insulted the shopkeeper’s home.
In France, the Bonjour is a mandatory handshake. It’s the gatekeeper of all social interaction. You say it when you enter a bakery, when you get into a taxi, and even when you’re about to complain to a waiter. It’s a sign of mutual respect.
Then there’s the eye contact. It’s intense.
In the US or UK, we tend to look away to avoid awkwardness. In Paris, people look. They observe. They judge? Maybe a little. But mostly, they are just present. Being Parisian means being comfortable with silence and steady gazes.
The Cafe Ritual
Don't order a "coffee to go." Just don't.
Paris runs on the café en terrasse. You sit. You face the street. You watch people. You don't look at your phone every five seconds. You treat that little espresso like it’s a three-course meal.
The waiter will not bring you the check until you ask for it (L'addition, s'il vous plaît). In other countries, this would be bad service. In Paris, it’s a sign of respect. They are letting you own your space for as long as you want. To be Parisian is to refuse to be rushed. Time is something you spend, not something that chases you.
Food, Wine, and the Art of Restraint
Parisian eating isn't about deprivation. It’s about quality over quantity.
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You won't find many Parisians drinking a giant soda while walking down the street. Eating is a stationary activity. You sit down. You use a napkin.
There’s a real focus on seasonality that most visitors miss. You don't buy strawberries in January. You wait for the gariguettes in the spring. You visit your local boulangerie—and yes, everyone has "their" boulangerie. You find the one that does the baguette tradition exactly how you like it.
Pro tip: When you buy a baguette, it is legally required (okay, culturally required) that you rip off the end—the croûton—and eat it on the walk home. It’s the tax you pay for being the one to go get the bread.
Wine is Water
Not literally, but sort of. Wine is a backdrop, not the main event. You don't get "trashed" at dinner. You sip. You pair. You might have one glass of Sancerre that lasts an hour because you're too busy arguing about a movie or a political scandal.
The Intellectual Arrogance (And Why It’s Great)
To truly master how to be Parisian, you need to have an opinion.
A lukewarm "I don't know, it was okay" doesn't fly in a Parisian salon. You should have a favorite neighborhood, a favorite dead philosopher, and a very strong stance on whether the new architecture in the 13th arrondissement is a masterpiece or a travesty.
It’s about culture générale. Parisians read. They go to the cinema—not just for blockbusters, but for weird indie films from the 60s. They value wit over wealth. In many circles, being boring is a far greater sin than being poor.
Don't Brag About Your Job
In New York, the first question is "What do you do?" In Paris, that’s considered incredibly tacky. It’s like asking how much money is in your bank account.
Instead, ask what someone is reading, where they went on their last vacances, or what they think of the current exhibit at the Bourse de Commerce. Your identity isn't your paycheck; it’s your taste.
Living in the "Gray"
Paris isn't always the "City of Light." For a good chunk of the year, it’s the City of Gray Skies. The limestone buildings turn a soft charcoal color when it rains.
Learning how to be Parisian means learning to love the melancholy. There is a certain beauty in a rainy Tuesday in November when the city feels like a black-and-white movie. You don't fight the weather with a giant colorful umbrella. You wear a dark coat, put up your collar, and walk with purpose.
Actionable Steps to Embody the Parisian Spirit
If you want to start living this way today, you don't need a plane ticket to Charles de Gaulle. It’s a mindset shift.
- Stop "Multi-tasking" Your Life: When you eat, just eat. When you walk, just walk. Put the phone away. Observe the architecture around you, even if you’re just in your local suburbs.
- Invest in "The One": Instead of buying five cheap sweaters, buy one high-quality navy wool sweater. Wear it until it falls apart. The "lived-in" look is much more Parisian than "brand-new" shiny stuff.
- Learn the Power of "Non": You don't have to say yes to every invitation or request. Parisians value their time. If you don't want to do something, a simple "No, I can't" is sufficient. You don't need a twenty-minute excuse.
- Curate Your Intellectual Life: Pick up a physical book. Go to a museum alone. Form an opinion on something that doesn't affect your daily life, just for the sake of having a perspective.
- Master the "Bonjour": Practice acknowledging people as humans first. Whether it's the barista or the bus driver, make eye contact and say hello before you ask for what you want.
Being Parisian is ultimately about a certain kind of freedom. It’s the freedom to be slightly difficult, incredibly stylish, and unapologetically yourself. It’s about finding the beauty in the mundane and the "chic" in the everyday.
Stop trying so hard. That’s the most Parisian thing you can do.
Next Steps for Your Transformation
- Audit your wardrobe: Remove anything that feels like a "trend" and keep the classics.
- Practice the "Daily Walk": Take 20 minutes to walk without a destination or a podcast.
- Find your "Signature": Whether it's a scent, a specific way you take your coffee, or a favorite bookstore, lean into the things that make your routine feel personal and deliberate.