It happened on a Tuesday. I remember the coffee was lukewarm and the fluorescent lights were humming at a frequency that felt like it was drilling directly into my skull. That was the day I realized I wasn't just at a high-pressure startup anymore. I was somewhere else. I had finally figured out how I ended up working in hell, and honestly, the path there was paved with "competitive salaries" and "fast-paced environments."
You know the feeling.
It starts with a LinkedIn message. A recruiter tells you that you’re a "perfect fit" for a "disruptor" in the industry. You take the interview. The office has a beanbag chair and a cold-brew tap. Everyone looks like they haven’t slept since 2022, but they’re smiling—that weird, fixed smile that doesn't reach the eyes. You sign the contract. Then, six months later, you’re crying in a bathroom stall at 8:00 PM because a middle manager named Gary screamed at you about a spreadsheet formatting error.
The Subtle Art of the Professional Descent
Most people think "hell" in a professional sense is a sudden catastrophe. It’s not. It’s a slow erosion. It’s a series of "just this once" moments that eventually become the standard operating procedure.
According to the American Psychological Association (APA), work-related stress is at an all-time high, with nearly 77% of workers experiencing physical symptoms caused by burnout. When we talk about how I ended up working in hell, we’re really talking about the normalization of deviance. This is a sociological term—pioneered by Diane Vaughan while analyzing the Challenger disaster—where people within an organization become so accustomed to a deviant behavior that they don't see it as a problem anymore.
In a toxic office, the "deviant behavior" is usually unpaid overtime, lack of boundaries, or psychological warfare disguised as "radical transparency."
The Interview Red Flags We Love to Ignore
We’ve all seen them. The job description says "we’re like a family." Run. Honestly, just run. Families are where you have unresolved trauma and arguments over who didn't do the dishes; they aren't where you should be performing high-stakes professional tasks.
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Another big one? "Must be a self-starter who thrives in ambiguity." Basically, this is code for "we have no processes, no training, and if you fail, it’s your fault."
I remember talking to Dr. Jennifer Moss, author of The Burnout Epidemic. She’s been very vocal about how organizations often put the burden of "wellness" on the employee rather than fixing the systemic issues. If your company offers a meditation app but expects you to answer Slack messages at 10:00 PM on a Saturday, that’s not wellness. That’s a trap.
How the Culture Actually Breaks You
It’s the gaslighting. That’s the most effective tool in the "working in hell" toolkit.
You bring up a legitimate concern about workload. Your manager looks at you with genuine concern—or at least a very well-rehearsed version of it—and asks if you're "struggling with time management." Suddenly, the fact that you’re doing the work of three people is a you problem. It’s a personal failing. You start staying later to prove you’re not the weak link.
Then comes the isolation. Toxic workplaces thrive on "silos." They don't want you talking to your peers because if you did, you’d realize everyone else is also miserable. You’d realize the "star performer" is actually on the verge of a nervous breakdown and the "low performer" is just someone who had the audacity to set a boundary once.
The Psychology of "Golden Handcuffs"
Why do we stay? This is the question everyone asks when they hear about how I ended up working in hell.
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The answer is usually boring: money and fear.
Economic uncertainty makes people risk-averse. If you have a mortgage, a car payment, or kids in daycare, the idea of jumping ship into an unknown market is terrifying. Companies know this. They use "golden handcuffs"—stock options that vest in four years, high bonuses that are only paid out if you stay through the end of the fiscal year—to keep you anchored to a sinking ship.
Spotting the Exit Before the Burnout Wins
If you’re currently wondering how you ended up working in hell, you need to look at the data.
The MIT Sloan Management Review published a massive study on why people leave jobs. You know what the number one reason was? It wasn't pay. It was toxic corporate culture. In fact, a toxic culture is 10.4 times more powerful than compensation in predicting a company's turnover rate.
You can't "self-care" your way out of a toxic environment. You can't do enough yoga or drink enough green juice to offset a boss who belittles you in front of your colleagues.
Tangible Signs You're in Too Deep
- Physical symptoms: Unexplained headaches, digestive issues, or that "Sunday Scaries" feeling that starts on Friday night.
- Cognitive changes: You’re making simple mistakes you never used to make. Your brain is in constant "survival mode."
- The "Venting" Cycle: You spend 90% of your time outside of work talking about how much you hate work.
- The Loss of Self: You don't remember who you were before you took this job. Your hobbies are gone. Your personality is just... tired.
Breaking Free and Rebuilding Your Career
So, you're in it. You've identified the beast. What now?
First, stop trying to fix the company. You are one person. Unless you are the CEO, you cannot change a systemic culture of toxicity. Your priority is extraction.
Start by documenting everything. Keep a "paper trail" of instructions, feedback, and incidents. Not only does this protect you legally, but it also helps you stay grounded in reality. When the gaslighting starts, you can look at your notes and say, "No, I am not crazy. Gary did actually say that."
Next, rebuild your network outside the company. When you're in a "hell" job, your world becomes very small. Reach out to old colleagues. Go to industry meetups. Remind yourself that there is a world where people are treated with basic human decency.
Actionable Steps for the Extraction Phase
- Audit your finances. How many months can you survive without a paycheck? Knowing your "runway" gives you the psychological leverage to say "no" to unreasonable demands.
- Quietly update your materials. Don't do it on your work laptop. Don't do it on the company Wi-Fi. But do it now.
- Set one hard boundary. Start small. No Slack after 6:00 PM. Or, no working through lunch. See what happens. If the world doesn't end, set another one.
- Seek professional help. A therapist specializing in workplace trauma is worth their weight in gold. They can help you untangle your self-worth from your job title.
The truth about how I ended up working in hell is that I let my ambition blind me to my boundaries. I thought I could "outwork" the toxicity. I couldn't. Nobody can. The only way to win is to leave the game and find a different one—one where the coffee is decent, the lights don't hum, and you can actually breathe again.
It’s a long road back to a healthy career. It takes time to stop flinching when you get an email notification. It takes time to realize that not every "urgent" request is actually an emergency. But once you’re out, the air feels different. You start to remember the version of yourself that liked your job—or at least didn't feel like a hollow shell of a human because of it.
Start your exit plan today. Not tomorrow. Today. Even if it's just updating one bullet point on your resume. That’s the first step out of the basement.