So, let’s get into it. If you’ve spent any time in the queer community or even just stumbled through certain corners of the internet, you’ve heard about scissoring. It’s one of those things that’s been built up into this legendary, almost mythical status, thanks in large part to how it’s portrayed in mainstream media. But honestly, if you ask ten different people how does scissoring feel, you’re probably going to get ten wildly different answers.
It's complicated. For some, it’s the peak of intimacy. For others, it’s a massive workout that leaves your hip flexors screaming the next morning.
The Physical Sensation: More Than Just Friction
When we talk about the mechanics, we’re talking about tribadism. That’s the formal term for rubbing vulvas together. But "rubbing" feels like such a clinical, underselling word for what’s actually happening. Imagine the heat of skin-to-skin contact combined with a broad, pulsing pressure. It isn’t like the pinpointed sensation of a finger or a toy. It’s expansive.
Because the entire vulvar region is packed with nerve endings—not just the clitoral glans, but the internal "legs" of the clitoris that wrap around the vaginal opening—the feeling is incredibly full. It’s a heavy, grinding sensation. If you’ve ever felt the "good" kind of ache during a deep tissue massage, it’s a bit like that, but electrified.
You aren't just feeling your own pleasure; you’re feeling the literal pulse of your partner’s arousal against you. That’s a unique sensory feedback loop. You move, they react, you feel their reaction, and it just builds.
Why the "Porn Version" is Mostly Lies
Let’s be real for a second. The way scissoring looks in movies is usually focused on the visual. They want the "V" shape. They want the camera to see everything. To make that happen, actors often have to hold themselves in awkward, rigid positions that aren't actually comfortable.
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In reality, if you’re trying to figure out how does scissoring feel based on a movie, you’re going to be disappointed by the logistics. Real scissoring is messy. It involves a lot of adjusting. Sometimes your knees knock together. Sometimes someone gets a leg cramp. It’s rarely that perfect, synchronized rowing motion you see on screen.
Most people find that the "modified" versions feel way better. Maybe one person is lying flat and the other is perpendicular. Maybe there’s a pillow involved—actually, there should almost always be a pillow involved for height and leverage.
The Friction Factor
Lube is your best friend here. While the natural moisture of arousal is great, the broad surface area involved in scissoring means you can dry out faster than you’d think. Without enough glide, it stops feeling like a rhythmic pulse and starts feeling like you’re trying to start a fire with two sticks. Chafing is the ultimate mood killer.
The Emotional and Psychological Layer
There’s a reason this specific act is so tied to queer identity and "lesbian" sex specifically. It’s the total absence of a "giver" and "receiver" dynamic. You are both doing the work. You are both receiving the sensation. It’s radical equality in a bedroom setting.
For a lot of people, the answer to how does scissoring feel isn't even about the nerves in their pelvic floor. It’s about the vulnerability of being completely chest-to-chest or thigh-to-thigh. It’s a full-body embrace that just happens to include genital contact.
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- It feels like being seen.
- It feels like a shared rhythm.
- It feels like a workout (seriously, your abs will know).
Is It Actually Hard to Reach Orgasm This Way?
This is where the nuance comes in. According to various sex educators and surveys within the LGBTQ+ community, scissoring isn't the "most efficient" way to reach climax for everyone.
Since it relies on indirect stimulation of the clitoris through the hood or the labia, it might not be intense enough for someone who needs direct, vibrating, or high-pressure contact to get over the edge. But intensity isn't always the goal. Sometimes the "simmer" of the sensation is exactly what makes it feel so good. It’s a slow burn.
That said, many people find that the grinding motion provides a type of "blunt force" pleasure that hits parts of the anatomy other acts miss. It’s a different kind of peak—broader and more of a "full-body" release than the sharp, localized orgasm you might get from a vibrator.
The Logistics of Making It Feel Good
If you’re going to try it, or if you’ve tried it and thought "this feels like nothing," you probably need to change your angles. Human bodies are like Tetris pieces; you have to find how they click.
- Elevation is everything. If one person props their hips up on a firm pillow or a yoga bolster, it changes the point of contact entirely.
- Thigh placement. Sometimes it’s not about the "V" shape at all. It’s about one person’s vulva grinding against the other person’s thigh or the base of their leg.
- The "Grind" vs. the "Slide." Some prefer a back-and-forth sliding motion, while others find a circular grinding motion much more effective for hitting the internal clitoral structures.
Understanding the Variety of Experience
I've talked to people who describe the feeling as "radiant heat." Others say it feels like a heavy pressure that eventually numbs them out if they do it too long. There is no "right" way for it to feel.
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In a 2017 study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, researchers looked at the sexual behaviors of women who have sex with women. While tribadism (scissoring) was frequently discussed, it wasn't actually the most common path to orgasm—manual stimulation and oral sex took those spots. This tells us that how scissoring feels is often more about the journey than the destination. It’s a way to build tension, to feel close, and to explore the texture of another person’s body.
Common Misconceptions
- "You have to be skinny." Nope. Bodies of all sizes can scissor. In fact, having more "cushion" can actually make the friction feel better and more padded against the pubic bone.
- "It’s easy." It’s actually pretty tiring! It requires core strength and coordination.
- "It’s the only way lesbians have sex." This is probably the biggest myth. It’s just one tool in the shed.
The Actionable Reality
If you want to experience what scissoring actually feels like, forget the pornographic image of two people perfectly intertwined. Focus on the contact. Start with a "T" position where one person is lying horizontal and the other is vertical. Use a lot of water-based lube.
Don't worry about the "scissoring" motion at first. Just focus on the weight. Feel the pressure of your partner's pubic bone against yours. Slow down the movement. If it feels like a lot of work for little reward, switch to a modified version where one person’s leg is between the other’s.
The goal is to find the "sweet spot" where your clitoris is making enough contact with their body to create a rhythmic friction. Once you find that rhythm, it’s less about the "scissor" and more about the synchronized grind.
Practical Steps for Success
To get the most out of the experience, keep these pointers in mind:
- Stretch first. No, really. Your inner thighs and hips will thank you later.
- Communicate about pressure. Since you can't see what's happening, you have to use your words. "More pressure," "Higher up," or "Move left" are essential cues.
- Mix it up. Use scissoring as part of foreplay rather than the "main event" if you find it hard to climax that way. The skin-to-skin contact is a fantastic way to ramp up arousal before moving to more direct stimulation.
- Check your hardware. If your pubic bones are hitting each other painfully, you need more padding or a different angle. It shouldn't hurt.
Ultimately, the sensation of scissoring is about the unique friction of two similar bodies meeting. It’s a broad, warm, and deeply intimate feeling that thrives on communication and comfort rather than athletic performance. Focus on the heat and the pressure, and let the rhythm happen naturally.