Breakups are weird. One minute you're planning a trip to Greece, and the next you're staring at a half-empty bottle of soy sauce in the fridge, wondering who gets to keep the good pillows. It’s messy. It’s loud. Or sometimes, it’s just terrifyingly quiet. You probably landed here because you're tired of people telling you to "just give it time" or "get back out there." Honestly, those are the two most useless pieces of advice ever given to a person with a broken heart.
Time doesn't actually do anything if you're just sitting in the dark waiting for a magical clock to strike "Healed."
If you’re asking how do you move on from a relationship, you’re really asking how to stop the physical ache in your chest and the mental loops that replay every fight you ever had at 3:00 AM. It’s a biological process as much as an emotional one. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist who has spent decades studying the brain in love, found that being rejected by a partner activates the same parts of the brain associated with physical pain and cocaine withdrawal. You aren't just "sad." You are literally detoxing.
The Science of the "Relapse"
Let’s talk about why you keep checking their Instagram. It’s not because you lack willpower. When you're in love, your brain is flooded with dopamine. It's a reward system. When that person leaves, the supply is cut off. Your brain starts screaming for a "hit." Checking their "Last Seen" on WhatsApp or seeing who liked their new photo provides a tiny, pathetic micro-dose of that dopamine.
It feels good for exactly four seconds. Then comes the crash.
To move on, you have to treat this like a literal addiction. You wouldn't tell a recovering alcoholic to just "have a little bit of beer" every Tuesday. That's why the "No Contact Rule" isn't just a trend on TikTok; it's a neurological necessity. Every time you see their face or hear their voice, you reset your internal recovery clock. You’re poking an open wound and wondering why it’s still bleeding.
Why Your Memory is a Liar
Have you noticed how, the moment someone leaves, they suddenly become a saint? You forget the way they chewed with their mouth open. You forget how they never supported your career goals or how they were weirdly passive-aggressive with your mom. This is "euphoric recall." Your brain filters out the bad to focus on the good because it wants that dopamine back.
It’s a trap.
Psychologist Guy Winch, who gave a now-famous TED talk on emotional first aid, suggests making a literal list of all the ways they were wrong for you. Put it on your phone. Every time you feel that urge to text them because you "miss their laugh," read the list. Read about the time they forgot your birthday or the way they made you feel small in front of your friends. It’s not about being bitter. It's about being accurate.
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Creating a Physical Barrier
Stop trying to be "mature" by keeping their stuff. Maturity is knowing when you're vulnerable. If that oversized hoodie makes you cry, it shouldn't be in your bedroom.
- The Box Method: Take everything that smells like them—candles, shirts, books—and put it in a box. Give it to a friend. Tell them not to give it back for six months.
- Digital De-cluttering: Mute them. You don't have to block them if that feels too "dramatic," but muting is a godsend. If you don't see them living their best life (which is usually a curated lie anyway), you won't compare it to your current state of eating cereal over the sink.
- Changing the Scenery: If you always went to the same coffee shop together, stop going there. Your brain has "location-based triggers." Find a new spot. It sounds small, but new environments foster new neural pathways.
The Myth of Closure
We’re obsessed with closure. We think if we can just have one more conversation, one more long-winded email, or one more "talk," everything will make sense.
It won't.
Closure isn't something someone else gives you. In fact, seeking closure from an ex is usually just a disguised attempt to see them one last time. Real closure is a DIY project. It’s the moment you realize that the reason they left doesn't actually change the fact that they are gone. Whether they left because of "unresolved trauma" or because they're just a jerk, the result is the same. You are still standing here.
The Social Media Hall of Mirrors
Let’s be real about "Stalking-lite." We all do it. You see them tagged in a photo with someone new and your stomach drops. You spend the next three hours investigating who this new person is.
Stop.
Social media is a highlight reel. Research from the University of Pennsylvania found that high usage of social media actually increases feelings of loneliness and depression. When you're trying to figure out how do you move on from a relationship, the algorithm is your enemy. It wants to keep you engaged, and nothing keeps you engaged like outrage or heartbreak. Delete the apps for a week. The world won't end, I promise.
Reclaiming Your Identity
Who were you before you were "us"?
Most people lose bits of themselves in a long-term relationship. Maybe you stopped painting because they thought it was a waste of time. Maybe you stopped going to the gym because they wanted to sleep in. This is the time to go find those pieces.
It’s not about "self-care" in the sense of bubble baths and face masks—though those are fine. It's about agency. It's about realizing you can make decisions without checking with a committee of two. Buy the weird rug you liked. Listen to the music they hated. Reclaim your space.
The Power of Routine
When a relationship ends, your schedule shatters. Saturday mornings used to be pancakes; now they're a void. Nature hates a vacuum, and so does your brain. If you don't fill that time, the "sadness" will fill it for you.
Build a "Breakup Routine." It should be rigid.
7:00 AM: Gym.
8:30 AM: Work.
6:00 PM: Walk the dog.
8:00 PM: Read a book (no screens).
Predictability creates a sense of safety. When your internal world is chaotic, your external world needs to be boringly consistent.
Dealing with the "Rebound" Urge
There is a huge temptation to jump into something new just to feel "wanted." It’s like putting a Band-Aid on a bullet wound. While "getting under someone to get over someone" is a popular trope, it often backfires. You end up comparing the new person to the old one, and when they don't measure up, you feel even lonelier.
Wait until you can spend a Friday night alone without feeling like the world is ending. That's when you're ready.
When to Seek Professional Help
Sometimes, heartbreak turns into something heavier. If it’s been months and you still can’t function at work, or if you’re using alcohol or substances to numb the pain, it’s time to talk to a pro. Complicated grief is a real thing. Therapists—especially those specializing in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)—can help you break the rumination loops that keep you stuck in the past.
There is no prize for suffering the longest.
Actionable Next Steps
If you want to start moving forward today, don't try to "fix" your whole life. Just do these things:
- The 24-Hour Digital Fast: Delete every social media app from your phone for exactly 24 hours. See how much your anxiety drops when you aren't waiting for a notification.
- The "Ugly" List: Open your notes app. Write down five times your ex made you feel like you weren't enough. Read it every time you feel the urge to call them.
- Physical Purge: Find one item of theirs that is still in your house. Either mail it back (no note!) or throw it away. Do it now.
- Re-connect: Call one friend you haven't spoken to in a while because you were "too busy" with your relationship. Don't talk about the breakup. Ask about their life.
- New Input: Start a new hobby or project that has zero connection to your ex. Learn a language, join a kickball league, or start a garden. Give your brain something new to process.
Moving on isn't a straight line. You'll have great days where you feel like a superhero, followed by a Tuesday where a specific song makes you cry in the grocery store. That’s normal. The goal isn't to forget they existed. The goal is to reach a point where their existence doesn't dictate your mood. You’ll get there. Just keep walking.