Honestly, the advice we get about shut-eye is usually pretty garbage. You’ve heard it all before: eight hours, no screens, cool room. It sounds easy. But if it were that simple, we wouldn't be a DIY-coffee-addicted society. Most people asking how are you supposed to sleep are actually asking why they feel like a zombie despite trying all the "rules."
The truth? Your body isn't a machine you just switch off. It’s a biological clock governed by light, temperature, and chemicals like adenosine and melatonin. If you’re fighting your biology, you’re going to lose. Every. Single. Night.
The Myth of the Magic Eight Hours
We’ve been told since kindergarten that eight hours is the gold standard. That’s not exactly true. While the CDC suggests 7 to 9 hours for adults, sleep is actually about cycles. You don't just "sleep." You descend through stages: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM.
Each cycle takes roughly 90 minutes. If you wake up at the end of a cycle, you feel like a rockstar. If you wake up in the middle of deep sleep because your alarm went off at a "perfect" eight-hour mark that didn't align with your internal rhythm? You’ll feel like you got hit by a truck. This is called sleep inertia. It’s better to get six hours of high-quality, uninterrupted cycles than eight hours of fragmented, shallow tossing and turning.
Think about it this way. Have you ever slept for ten hours and felt worse than when you slept for five? That’s your timing being off. Quality beats quantity. Always.
Stop Obsessing Over Blue Light (Kinda)
Everyone blames their phone. "Blue light ruins your melatonin!" Well, yeah, it does. But it’s not just the blue light. It's the engagement.
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Watching a stressful news clip or arguing with a stranger on X (formerly Twitter) keeps your brain in "fight or flight" mode. Your cortisol spikes. Cortisol is the literal enemy of sleep. You can wear the fanciest orange-tinted glasses in the world, but if you’re doomscrolling, your brain stays wired.
The real secret to how are you supposed to sleep involves a "wind-down" period that is actually boring.
What a Real Wind-Down Looks Like
- Dim the lights: About an hour before bed, turn off the overheads. Use lamps. It signals to your pineal gland that the sun is "down."
- Cool the core: Your body temperature needs to drop by about 2 or 3 degrees Fahrenheit to initiate sleep. This is why a hot bath actually works—not because it's relaxing, but because the vasodilation causes your core temp to plummet once you get out.
- Brain dump: If your mind is racing, write it down. Get the "to-do" list out of your skull and onto paper.
The Role of Magnesium and Supplements
People love a quick fix. They reach for Melatonin like it's candy. Please, stop doing that. Melatonin is a hormone, not a sedative. Taking high doses (like those 5mg or 10mg gummies) can actually desensitize your receptors.
Experts like Dr. Matthew Walker, author of Why We Sleep, often point out that we over-rely on external hormones. If you must use a supplement, many nutritionists point toward Magnesium Glycinate. It helps with muscle relaxation and supports the GABA receptors in the brain, which are responsible for "quieting" neural activity. But even then, pills won't fix a broken schedule.
Temperature: The Most Underrated Factor
If your room is 72 degrees, you’re probably struggling. Most sleep researchers, including those at the National Sleep Foundation, suggest a room temperature around 65 degrees Fahrenheit (18.3°C).
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It sounds freezing. It is. But your brain needs that thermal drop to stay in deep sleep. If you’re too hot, your body spends energy trying to sweat and cool down, which pulls you out of the restorative stages. Ever notice how you sleep like a baby in a cold hotel room with a heavy duvet? That’s the sweet spot.
How are You Supposed to Sleep When Your Schedule is Chaotic?
Consistency is king, but life is messy. Maybe you work shifts. Maybe you have a newborn.
The "Master Clock" in your brain—the suprachiasmatic nucleus—craves a predictable rhythm. If you sleep until 7 AM on weekdays but stay in bed until 11 AM on Sunday, you’re giving yourself "social jetlag." You’re essentially flying from New York to California and back every weekend.
If you can’t get the "perfect" amount of sleep, at least try to wake up at the same time every day. Yes, even weekends. It keeps your circadian rhythm anchored. Sunlight in your eyes within 30 minutes of waking up is the single most powerful thing you can do to ensure you'll be tired 16 hours later. It sets the timer.
Specific Positions: Side, Back, or Stomach?
There is no "best" way, but there are definitely "worse" ways.
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- Side Sleeping: Great for most. It helps clear brain waste (the glymphatic system works best here). If you have acid reflux, sleep on your left side. The shape of your stomach makes it harder for acid to escape into the esophagus that way.
- Back Sleeping: Good for spine alignment, but a disaster if you snore or have sleep apnea. Gravity pulls the tongue back, closing the airway.
- Stomach Sleeping: Generally the worst. It puts immense pressure on your lower back and forces your neck to stay turned at a 90-degree angle for hours. Just don't.
The Caffeine Trap
Caffeine has a half-life of about 5 to 6 hours. That means if you have a cup of coffee at 4 PM, half of it is still swishing around your brain at 10 PM.
Even if you’re one of those people who says, "I can drink an espresso and go right to sleep," you’re lying to yourself. Well, your brain is lying. You might fall asleep, but the quality of your deep sleep is decimated. You won't feel restored. Try a "caffeine cutoff" at 2 PM. It’s life-changing.
Actionable Steps for Tonight
Stop trying to "force" sleep. You can’t command yourself to be tired. Instead, focus on creating the conditions where sleep is inevitable.
- Check your light: Swap your bedroom bulbs for warm, amber-toned LEDs.
- The 10-3-2-1-0 Rule: No caffeine 10 hours before bed. No food 3 hours before bed. No work 2 hours before bed. No screens 1 hour before bed. 0 is the number of times you should hit the snooze button in the morning.
- Morning Sunlight: Get outside for 10 minutes as soon as you wake up. This triggers the suppression of melatonin and starts the countdown for its release later that night.
- Nose Breathing: If you wake up with a dry mouth, you’re likely mouth-breathing, which lowers oxygen quality and keeps you in a lighter sleep state. Many people find success with simple medical tape (mouth taping) to ensure nasal breathing, though consult a doctor if you suspect apnea.
- Don't Stay in Bed if You're Awake: If you’re tossing and turning for more than 20 minutes, get out of bed. Go to another room. Do something boring in dim light. Your bed should only be for sleep and intimacy. Don't let your brain associate the mattress with the frustration of being awake.
Sleep isn't a luxury. It's the foundation of every single biological process you have. Fix the environment, respect the light, and listen to your body's temperature signals. That is how you actually get the rest you've been chasing.