Marriage isn't a Hallmark movie. Most days, it’s a blur of "did you pay the water bill?" and "whose turn is it to unload the dishwasher?" Life gets loud. Between the chaotic buzz of Slack notifications and the relentless pile of laundry, intimacy—the real, soul-level kind—usually gets shoved to the back burner. That’s where a husband and wife devotional comes in. Honestly, it sounds a little old-school or even cringey to some people, but it’s basically just a dedicated huddle for your relationship.
It’s not about being perfect. You don’t need to be a theologian.
Most couples I talk to feel a weird sort of guilt. They think they should be praying more or "connecting" better, but they don't know where to start. They buy a book, read it for three days, and then it becomes a very expensive coaster on the nightstand. That’s because we treat devotionals like a chore instead of a lifeline.
The Messy Reality of Connecting Spiritually
Let’s be real. Sitting down to read a husband and wife devotional when you’ve just had a spat about the grocery budget feels fake. It’s awkward. You’re sitting there, staring at a page about "grace," while secretly wondering why your spouse can’t ever seem to put their shoes in the closet. But that’s exactly why the practice exists. It forces a pause. It creates a space where you have to look at each other and acknowledge something bigger than your current annoyance.
Research from organizations like the Institute for Family Studies suggests that couples who share religious or spiritual practices often report higher levels of relationship quality. It’s not magic. It’s the fact that you’re habitually centering your marriage on shared values rather than just co-existing in the same zip code.
Dr. Greg Smalley, a well-known marriage expert, often points out that spiritual intimacy is the "soul" of the relationship. If you skip it, you’re just roommates with a joint bank account.
Why Most Devotionals Fail
People pick the wrong ones. They go for something super dense and academic that makes them feel like they’re back in a college lecture hall. If it’s boring, you won't do it. Period. Or, they try to do a 45-minute deep study when they have three kids under five screaming in the next room.
Consistency beats intensity every single time.
If you have five minutes, give it five minutes. Some of the most effective couples I know don’t even use a formal book every day. They might just read a single verse from the Book of Proverbs and ask, "How does this hit you today?" That’s a devotional. It’s the act of turning toward one another.
Finding the Right Husband and Wife Devotional for Your Vibe
You’ve got options. Like, a lot of them.
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For the couple that likes structure, classic books like The Love Dare Day by Day by Stephen and Alex Kendrick offer very specific "dares" or actions. It’s practical. It gives you homework. Some people hate that. They feel pressured.
Then you have the more reflective stuff. Paul David Tripp’s New Morning Mercies isn't specifically for couples, but many use it together because it’s gritty and honest about how difficult being a human actually is. It doesn't sugarcoat things.
- The Liturgical Approach: Some couples prefer following a formal lectionary or a prayer book like the Book of Common Prayer. It takes the pressure off "finding the right words" because the words are already there for you.
- The App Route: You’ve got the YouVersion Bible app. They have hundreds of "Marriage" plans. You can even do them "with friends" (meaning your spouse) so you get notifications on your phone. It’s harder to ignore a ping than a book on a shelf.
- The DIY Method: Just pick a book of the Bible—James or Philippians are great starters—and read three verses. Discuss. Pray. Done.
Dealing With the "One-Sided" Problem
This is the elephant in the room. Usually, one person is "the driver." One spouse wants the husband and wife devotional time, and the other is... well, they’re tired. Or they feel judged.
If you’re the driver, stop pushing so hard. You can't nag someone into spiritual intimacy. That’s like shouting at a flower to grow faster. It just doesn't work. Instead, try making it as low-friction as possible.
"Hey, I found this 2-minute reading. Can I just read it to you while we have coffee?"
That’s a lot less intimidating than "We need to sit down for an hour of spiritual reflection."
If you’re the one who’s hesitant, ask yourself why. Usually, it’s a fear of being "seen" or the fear that you’ll say something "wrong." There is no "wrong" in a devotional. It’s a conversation, not a test.
The Science of Shared Rituals
Psychologists often talk about "rituals of connection." These are small, repeatable actions that signal to your brain—and your partner—that the relationship is a priority. John Gottman, the famous marriage researcher who can predict divorce with scary accuracy, emphasizes the importance of "turning towards" your partner's bids for connection.
A husband and wife devotional is a formal bid for connection.
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When you do this, you’re building a "Sound Relationship House," as Gottman calls it. You’re creating shared meaning. Even if the content of the devotional is about ancient texts or abstract theology, the act of doing it together builds a psychological safety net. You're saying, "We are a team, and we are looking at the world through the same lens."
Avoiding the "Check-the-Box" Mentality
It’s easy to turn this into another item on the to-do list. Right between "pick up dry cleaning" and "feed the dog."
Read devotional. Check.
If you find yourself just reciting words without thinking, stop. Change the location. Do it on a walk. Do it while you’re driving (keep your eyes on the road, obviously). The moment it becomes a legalistic requirement, it loses its power to transform your marriage.
I’ve seen couples who do their devotional while washing dishes together. One reads, the other scrubs. It links the spiritual to the mundane. That’s where the real growth happens anyway—in the middle of the mess.
Real Examples of Impact
I remember a couple, let’s call them Sarah and Mike. They were on the brink. Every conversation was a landmine. They started a 30-day devotional journey, not because they were "holy," but because they were desperate.
At first, Mike hated it. He felt like he was being lectured. But about two weeks in, they hit a section on forgiveness that used a specific analogy about "carrying bricks." It gave them a new vocabulary. Instead of saying "You always bring up the past," Mike started saying, "I feel like we’re carrying a lot of bricks today."
It shifted the tone. It gave them a third-party perspective so it wasn't just "me vs. you." It became "us vs. the problem."
How to Start (and Actually Stick to It)
If you’re ready to try this, don’t go out and buy five books. Start small.
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First, pick a time. Maybe it's 6:30 AM before the house wakes up. Maybe it's right after you put the kids to bed. Don't pick a time when you're both exhausted and your brains are melting.
Second, keep it short. Seriously. Five to ten minutes is plenty. If it goes longer because you get into a great conversation, awesome. But don't require it to be long.
Third, be vulnerable. If the devotional asks a question about your biggest fear or a struggle you're having, answer honestly. This isn't Sunday School. Your spouse already knows you're not perfect. You might as well be real about it.
Common Pitfalls to Dodge
Avoid using the devotional as a weapon. This is the biggest mistake.
"See, honey? The book says you should be more submissive/loving/patient."
The moment you use a husband and wife devotional to point out your partner's flaws, you’ve killed the intimacy. The focus should always be on your heart and your growth. If you’re both focusing on how you can improve, the marriage takes care of itself.
Also, don't get discouraged by "dry spells." Some days, the reading will feel profound. Other days, it’ll feel like you’re reading a cereal box. That’s okay. The benefit comes from the habit, not necessarily the "emotional high" of every single session.
Actionable Steps for Your First Week
Don't overthink this. Just start.
- Select your "Source": Pick one book or app today. Don't spend a week researching. Just pick one. The FamilyLife Marriage Bible or the Love & Respect devotional are solid, time-tested starting points.
- Set a "Trial Period": Commit to 7 days. Just seven. At the end of the week, talk about how it felt. Was it too long? Too preachy? Did you like the time of day?
- Create a "No-Phone Zone": If you’re using a physical book, leave the phones in the other room. If you’re using an app, turn off notifications. Give each other undivided attention for those few minutes.
- Pray Simple: If you end with prayer, don't feel like you need to give a sermon. A simple, "Help us be kind to each other today," is more powerful than a ten-minute flowery speech that feels performative.
- Focus on Application: Ask one question: "What’s one way I can support you better today based on what we just read?"
Establishing a husband and wife devotional routine isn't about adding more work to your life. It’s about building a fortress around your relationship. In a world that is constantly trying to pull you apart—through work stress, social media envy, and plain old exhaustion—taking ten minutes to align your hearts is the most rebellious and productive thing you can do for your future together.
Start tonight. Even if it's awkward. Especially if it's awkward. The best things usually are at first.