It is a chilling phrase that feels like a relic from a medieval history book, but the reality is much more immediate. When we talk about honour killing, we aren't just discussing a "cultural quirk" or something that only happens in a remote village halfway across the world. It’s happening in London suburbs, Canadian cities, and across the United States.
Basically, it's a murder. But the motive is what sets it apart. The core idea is that a family member—usually a woman, though men are victims too—has supposedly brought "shame" or "dishonour" upon the family or community. To "cleanse" that reputation, the family decides the only solution is to kill the person.
Honestly, the word "honour" is doing a lot of heavy lifting here. Most human rights activists, like those at the United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA), argue there is absolutely nothing honourable about it. It’s about control. It’s about the extreme end of domestic violence where the entire family unit, rather than just a single partner, becomes the perpetrator.
What is honour killing and why does it still happen?
You might think this is strictly a religious issue. It’s not. While many people try to link these crimes to specific faiths, experts like Dr. Diana Nammi, founder of the Iranian and Kurdish Women’s Rights Organisation (IKWRO), have spent decades proving that these killings cross religious lines. They happen in Muslim, Hindu, Sikh, and even some Christian communities.
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It's deep-rooted. It's about patriarchy.
The "trigger" for an honour killing can be something as simple as wearing the "wrong" clothes, talking to a boy who hasn't been approved by the family, or wanting to go to university. In 2016, the case of Qandeel Baloch in Pakistan gripped the world. She was a social media star, often called the "Kim Kardashian of Pakistan." She was bold, she was loud, and she challenged social norms. Her own brother strangled her, claiming her online presence was "intolerable."
That’s the extreme reality.
But it’s also important to look at the "lower level" stuff that leads up to it. It rarely starts with murder. It starts with monitoring phone calls. It moves to physical isolation. Then, if the person doesn't "fall in line," the family council might meet to decide their fate. Sometimes, the youngest male in the family is chosen to carry out the deed because he might receive a lighter sentence in certain legal systems.
The global scale of the problem
How many people are we talking about? The numbers are notoriously hard to pin down. The United Nations has frequently cited an estimate of 5,000 women killed annually in the name of honour.
However, many NGOs think that’s a massive underestimate.
Why? Because these deaths are often reported as suicides or accidents. A woman "slips" in the kitchen. A girl "accidentally" falls from a balcony. In some regions, the community remains silent because they agree with the motive. They see the family as the victim of the girl's "bad behavior," not the girl as the victim of a crime.
In India, Khap Panchayats (unelected village councils) have historically played a role in sanctioning these killings, particularly when young couples marry outside their caste. The 2010 Manoj-Babli murder case is a landmark example where a court finally handed down death sentences to those involved in an honour killing, sending a massive shockwave through the traditional council systems.
The Psychology of "Shame"
Let’s be real for a second: the pressure of what the neighbors think can be a powerful, toxic force. In many collectivist cultures, your value isn't just about you. It’s about your family’s standing. If a daughter is seen "dating," the father might lose his business contacts. The sisters might become "unmarriageable."
This creates a pressure cooker.
The family feels they are being "erased" from society. In their minds—and this is the part that’s hardest to wrap your head around—they believe they are doing the "right" thing. They aren't necessarily monsters in their own eyes; they are protectors of a social order that has existed for centuries.
Modern triggers in the digital age
Social media has made everything worse. A photo on Instagram or a video on TikTok can go viral in a community within minutes. Before the internet, a "transgression" might stay a secret. Now? It’s public.
In the UK, the case of Banaz Mahmod in 2006 showed how the police often fail to understand this. Banaz went to the police five times. She even gave them a list of the men she thought would kill her. They didn't believe her. They thought she was being "melodramatic." She was later murdered by her father and uncle because she left an abusive marriage and started a relationship with someone else.
This is where the system breaks down. If the authorities don't understand the specific dynamics of honour killing, they treat it like a standard domestic dispute. But you can't "mediate" an honour threat. You can't put the victim and the family in a room to "talk it out." That just gives the family a chance to lure the victim back home.
Legal loopholes and the fight for justice
For a long time, laws in countries like Pakistan allowed for "blood money" or Diyat. Basically, if the family of the victim forgave the killer, the killer walked free.
Think about that.
If the father kills the daughter, and the mother "forgives" the father, the case is closed. It was a perfect legal loophole for murder. Thankfully, after the public outcry over Qandeel Baloch, Pakistan changed its laws to ensure that even if the family forgives the killer, the state can still pursue a life sentence. It’s progress, but it’s slow.
In the West, the challenge is different. It’s about training. Police in the US and Europe are getting better at identifying "Honour-Based Abuse" (HBA). They are learning that if a girl from a certain background says "I’m scared of my dad," it might mean something very different than a typical rebellious teen phase.
What should you look for?
If you're an educator, a social worker, or just a concerned friend, there are signs. It’s not always obvious.
- Sudden restriction of movement: She used to go to coffee after work, now she has to be home the second her shift ends.
- Fear of upcoming holidays: Many "honour" crimes happen during trips abroad, where the victim is forced into a marriage or worse.
- A change in appearance: Suddenly dressing much more conservatively to avoid conflict at home.
- Pressure to drop out of school: Education is often seen as a gateway to "dangerous" Western ideas.
The path forward: Actionable insights
Ending this isn't just about passing laws. You can’t just arrest your way out of a cultural mindset that has existed for a thousand years. It takes a different approach.
First, we have to support "insider" activists. People within these communities are the ones who can actually change hearts and minds. When a local Imam or a village elder stands up and says "this is not part of our faith and it is a crime," people listen.
Second, we need to stop being afraid of being "culturally insensitive." Sometimes, people are so worried about looking racist or Islamophobic that they ignore clear signs of abuse. Violence is not a culture. Abusing a woman is not a "tradition" that deserves respect. We have to call it what it is.
If you or someone you know is facing this, you need specific help. Standard domestic violence shelters are great, but HBA victims often need extra security because their families will go to extreme lengths to find them.
Steps to take if you suspect an honour-based threat:
- Don't mediate: Never try to bring the family together to "settle things." This is often the most dangerous thing you can do.
- Secure documents: If you are the one at risk, try to get your passport, birth certificate, and some cash into a safe place or with a trusted friend.
- Use "Code Words": Establish a word with a friend that means "I am in danger, call the police" so you can communicate even if you are being watched.
- Contact specialized NGOs: Organizations like Karma Nirvana in the UK or the AHA Foundation in the US specialize in exactly this. They understand the nuances that a general police officer might miss.
- Clear your digital footprint: If you are looking for help or planning to leave, use "Incognito" mode and be aware that many families use tracking apps on phones.
The reality of honour killing is that it thrives in silence and "respect" for private family matters. Breaking that silence is the only way to stop the cycle. It’s about shifting the definition of honour away from controlling women and toward protecting the individual rights of every family member.
Education and consistent legal pressure are the only tools that have actually worked to lower these numbers over time. We aren't there yet, but the conversation is finally out in the open.