Mother’s Day is weird. We spend weeks seeing flower commercials and jewelry ads that look like they were filmed in a hazy, golden meadow, but the reality for most of us is a lukewarm cup of coffee and a pile of laundry that didn't magically disappear just because it's the second Sunday in May. To be honest, saying happy mother's day to all the mommies out there feels like a massive understatement when you consider the sheer mental load of keeping tiny humans alive and functioning in 2026.
It’s a heavy day. For some, it’s pure joy. For others, it’s a stinging reminder of loss, or a complicated relationship with a woman who didn't quite know how to be what they needed. We treat it like a hallmark holiday, but the roots are actually kind of dark and radical. Anna Jarvis, the woman who basically invented the modern version of the holiday in the early 1900s, actually spent the end of her life trying to get it abolished because she hated how commercial it became. She’d probably lose her mind if she saw a "Best Mom Ever" hydro-flask.
The Mental Load Nobody Puts on a Card
When we say happy mother's day to all the mommies out there, we are often talking to people who are drowning in "invisible labor." You know the stuff. It's the knowing when the kids need their next tetanus shot. It's remembering that Tuesday is library book day. It's the constant, low-grade humming in the back of your brain about whether the toddler is eating enough fiber.
Sociologist Allison Daminger has done some incredible work on this, breaking down cognitive labor into four stages: anticipating, identifying, deciding, and monitoring. Moms usually handle all four. Dad might "help" by going to the store, but Mom is the one who identified that the milk was low, anticipated that they’d need more for cereal tomorrow, and decided which brand to buy. That’s why you’re tired. It’s not just the physical work; it’s the management.
The Biological Reality of "Mom Brain"
People joke about "mom brain" like it’s just being forgetful or scatterbrained. It’s actually a structural reorganization of the brain. Research published in Nature Neuroscience showed that pregnancy leads to long-lasting changes in human brain structure, specifically a reduction in gray matter in regions subserving social cognition.
This isn't a bad thing.
It’s an adaptation. Your brain is literally pruning itself to become more efficient at understanding your baby’s needs and detecting threats. You aren't losing your mind; you're upgrading your hardware for a very specific, high-stakes mission. But man, it makes remembering where you put your keys a lot harder.
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Why We Need to Move Past the "Supermom" Myth
Can we just stop with the Supermom thing? Seriously. The trope of the woman who "does it all" while wearing a blazer and holding a baby is exhausting and, frankly, a bit of a scam. It implies that if you’re struggling, you just aren't "super" enough.
In reality, the moms who seem to have it all together usually just have more help. Whether it’s a supportive partner, hired childcare, or a "village" of grandparents, nobody does this alone. When we wish a happy mother's day to all the mommies out there, we should be acknowledging the grit, not the perfection.
I think about the "intensive mothering" ideology that sociologists like Sharon Hays have discussed. It’s this idea that mothering should be child-centered, expert-guided, emotionally absorbing, and labor-intensive. It’s a relatively new historical concept, and it's driving people into the ground. You don't have to be an expert on every developmental milestone to be a "good" mom. Sometimes, just being there and not losing your cool is a massive win.
The Different Faces of Motherhood
Motherhood isn't a monolith. It’s a spectrum.
There are the biological moms, the adoptive moms, and the foster moms who step into the gap with zero notice. There are the "bonus" moms—stepmothers navigating the incredibly tricky waters of blending families. We also have to talk about the women who are mothering their own parents as they age, or the women who have lost children and find this day to be an absolute minefield.
Then there are the "mommies" who don't have human kids. People get weirdly gate-keepy about "dog moms" or "cat moms," but the nurturing instinct is real. If you’re pouring your love and care into another living thing, you’re part of the club in my book.
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How to Actually Support the Moms in Your Life
Giving a card is nice. Buying flowers is fine. But if you really want to make an impact, you have to look at the systems.
In the U.S., we are still the only wealthy nation without a national paid parental leave policy. We have a childcare crisis where it often costs more to send a kid to daycare than it does to pay for college. If we want to say happy mother's day to all the mommies out there and actually mean it, we have to talk about policy.
- Practical Help Over "Pampering": Instead of a bath bomb, try folding the four baskets of laundry.
- The Gift of Time: Don't ask "what can I do?" That just adds another task to her list (deciding). Just say, "I am taking the kids to the park for three hours, go take a nap or stare at a wall."
- Emotional Validation: Acknowledge how hard it is. Not in a "you're a hero" way, but in a "I see how much you're carrying and it's a lot" way.
A Note on Self-Compassion
If you are a mom reading this, give yourself a break. The pressure to "savor every moment" is toxic because some moments objectively suck. Diaper blowouts in the middle of a grocery store aren't meant to be savored. They are meant to be survived.
The goal isn't to be a perfect mother; it’s to be a "good enough" parent—a term coined by pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott. He argued that kids actually benefit from parents who fail them in small, manageable ways, because it teaches them how to deal with a world that won't always cater to their every whim.
So, if you ordered pizza for the third time this week or let the kids have way too much screen time so you could have five minutes of silence, you aren't failing. You're adapting.
Moving Forward: Actionable Steps for a Better Mother's Day
Forget the grand gestures if they cause more stress than they're worth. If you're looking for a way to actually celebrate the moms in your life—or yourself—start here:
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Audit the Mental Load: Sit down with your partner or support system and actually list out the invisible tasks. Use tools like the "Fair Play" deck by Eve Rodsky to redistribute the chores so one person isn't carrying everything. It's a game-changer for long-term happiness.
Reclaim the Narrative: If Mother's Day feels performative or painful, redefine it. Don't go to the crowded brunch if you hate crowds. Spend the day doing exactly what you want, even if that’s just going to the movies alone.
Community Care: Check in on the moms who might be struggling. The single moms, the moms with newborns, the moms whose kids have moved away. A text that says "I’m thinking of you today" goes a lot further than a generic social media post.
Set Boundaries: It is okay to say no to family obligations on Mother's Day if they drain you. You don't owe anyone a "perfect" family gathering at the expense of your own mental health.
The reality of being a mom is messy, loud, exhausting, and occasionally very funny. When we say happy mother's day to all the mommies out there, let’s make sure we’re honoring the real version of motherhood—the one that happens in the middle of the night, in the carpool lane, and in the quiet moments of doubt—not just the version we see on Instagram.