It happens. One minute you're curious or looking for a bit of a thrill, and the next, you're sitting in a cold waiting room trying to figure out how to tell a triage nurse that you've got a golf ball into ass. It sounds like a punchline. Honestly, it’s a daily reality in urban emergency rooms. People experiment. That is human nature. But the anatomy of the rectum is a one-way street with a very tricky design, and a dimpled, hard plastic sphere is basically designed to get stuck once it passes the anal sphincters.
ER physicians have seen it all. Truly. From lightbulbs to action figures, the "rectal foreign body" is a specific category of medical intervention that requires a surprising amount of physics and sometimes, unfortunately, major surgery.
The Physics of Why It Won't Come Out
Why can't you just push it out? It seems logical. You pushed it in, so the muscles should work in reverse, right? Wrong.
The rectum isn't just a straight tube. It has a series of folds called the valves of Houston. When an object like a golf ball—which is roughly 1.68 inches in diameter—is inserted, it triggers the internal sphincter to relax, but once it settles higher up, the body’s natural response is to spasm. These spasms grip the object. Because a golf ball is perfectly round and rigid, there is nothing for your internal muscles to "hook" onto to propel it downward. Instead, the muscles often push the ball further up into the sigmoid colon.
Doctors often deal with the "suction effect." The mucosal lining of the rectum creates a seal around the smooth (or dimpled) surface of the ball. When you try to pull it out, a vacuum forms behind the object. You’re not just fighting muscle; you’re fighting atmospheric pressure. This is why doctors sometimes have to insert a small catheter past the ball to introduce air and break that vacuum.
Real Medical Risks Nobody Mentions
Most people are just embarrassed. They worry about the social stigma, but the clinical risks are way more serious than a red face.
Perforation is the big one. While a golf ball is blunt, the pressure it exerts on the delicate rectal wall can cause "pressure necrosis." This means the tissue dies because the blood flow is cut off by the object. If that wall tears, fecal matter leaks into the abdominal cavity. That leads to peritonitis. It’s a life-threatening infection. You don't want to go from a "funny story" to emergency sepsis surgery because you waited 48 hours to seek help.
Then there’s the issue of the material. Golf balls are made of polybutadiene rubber and surlyn. They aren't meant to be inside a human body. While the outer shell is generally inert, if the ball is old or damaged, internal chemicals could theoretically irritate the lining, though the mechanical blockage is always the primary concern.
What Happens at the Hospital
Don't expect a quick "grab and pull." The medical team will likely start with an X-ray. They need to see exactly where the ball is sitting. Is it in the lower rectum? Has it migrated into the descending colon?
Sometimes, they try manual removal under conscious sedation. This involves a lot of lubricant and specialized tools like forceps or even a suction cup. If the ball is too high, you’re looking at an endoscopy. A GI doctor inserts a flexible camera with a small snare to try and catch the ball.
In the worst-case scenarios—and yes, this happens—an exploratory laparotomy is required. That’s a full abdominal incision to manually guide the ball down through the intestines or, if necessary, cut the colon open to retrieve it.
Myths About DIY Removal
Stop. Don't try to use kitchen tongs. Don't use a coat hanger. Don't try to "flush it out" with a garden hose.
Adding more objects into the mix almost always makes the situation worse. Metal tools can easily lacerate the lining. The rectum is incredibly vascular; it bleeds a lot and it bleeds fast. Also, trying to use a "tool" usually just shoves the ball higher up, making the doctor's job twice as hard once you finally give up and go to the ER.
The "squat and push" method rarely works for a golf ball because of that aforementioned vacuum effect. If it hasn't come out in the first thirty minutes of trying, it’s likely not coming out without medical assistance.
The Reality of Rectal Health and Curiosity
There is a weird shame attached to this, but medical professionals like Dr. David B. Rosenfeld, a renowned colorectal surgeon, have documented hundreds of these cases. It isn't new. It isn't even that rare. The primary goal of a doctor isn't to judge you; it's to prevent a bowel obstruction.
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The rectum's primary job is storage and elimination of waste, and it’s lined with sensitive nerves. When people experiment with a golf ball into ass, they are often chasing the stimulation of the prostate or the pelvic floor nerves. However, the lack of a "flanged base" is the fatal flaw here. Anything without a wide, flared base is a high-risk object. This is "Safety 101" in any clinical or educational discussion about sexual health.
Actionable Steps If This Just Happened
If you or someone you're with is currently dealing with a trapped object, follow these steps immediately.
- Stop pushing. If it didn't come out with a gentle bear-down, more straining will only cause hemorrhoids or further internal displacement.
- Do not use tools. Put down the tweezers, spoons, or any other household item. You will cause a tear.
- Monitor for pain. If you feel sharp, stabbing pains in your abdomen or see significant blood, go to the Emergency Room immediately. This suggests a perforation.
- Be honest with the staff. When you get to the hospital, just tell them. "I have a foreign object in my rectum." They’ve heard it before today. Being vague only delays the X-ray and prolongs your discomfort.
- Ask for a specialist. If the ER doctor seems unsure, ask for a colorectal surgeon or a gastroenterologist consult. They have the specific tools for "no-base" object retrieval.
- Check your temperature. A fever after a rectal mishap is a major red flag for infection.
The recovery from a simple retrieval is usually just a bit of soreness. But the recovery from a ruptured colon is months of bags and potentially permanent damage. Make the smart choice.