Living alone used to be the ultimate red flag. If you reached forty without a spouse or a roommate, people assumed you were either deeply eccentric or just plain lonely. But walk through Manhattan or Stockholm today, and you’re looking at a world where one-person households are practically the new default.
Eric Klinenberg, a sociologist at NYU, literally wrote the book on this. In Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone, he argues that we’re living through the biggest demographic shift since the Baby Boom. It’s a massive social experiment. For the first time in 200,000 years of human history, huge chunks of the population are choosing to live by themselves. And honestly? Most of them aren't "lonely hearts" at all. They’re actually some of the most socially active people you'll meet.
The Myth of the Lonely Singleton
We have this mental image of the solo dweller: someone eating a microwave dinner in the dark, surrounded by cats, slowly forgetting how to talk to people. Klinenberg’s research, which involved over 300 in-depth interviews, basically lights that stereotype on fire.
He found that people who live alone—or "singletons," as he calls them—are actually more likely to spend time with friends and neighbors than married people are. They’re the ones keeping the neighborhood bars, cafes, and gyms alive. Think about it. When you live with a partner, it’s easy to become a "coupled-up" hermit. You stay in, you watch Netflix, you talk to each other, and the outside world disappears. But when you live alone, the city becomes your living room. You go out to find the "hum" of human connection.
Actually, the data shows solo dwellers are more likely to:
- Volunteer in their communities.
- Attend public events and lectures.
- Join art or music classes.
- Spend more money at local businesses.
Klinenberg points out a crucial distinction that most people miss: living alone is not the same as being lonely or socially isolated. You can be married and feel profoundly alone every single night. In fact, many people told Klinenberg that nothing felt lonelier than being in the wrong marriage.
Why Is This Happening Now?
It’s not just one thing. It's a "perfect storm" of four major social shifts that happened late in the 20th century. First, you’ve got the rising status of women. Once women gained the ability to earn their own money and control their own lives, they didn't have to marry for financial survival anymore. They could choose to wait, or not marry at all.
Then there’s the communications revolution. You’re never truly "alone" when you have a smartphone in your hand. You can be in your pajamas in a studio apartment while simultaneously gossiping with three friends on Discord. It bridges the gap between solitude and connection.
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Add in mass urbanization and the "longevity revolution"—where we’re living way longer, often outliving our partners—and you see why 31 million Americans (and counting) now live alone. In places like Manhattan, more than half of all residences are one-person households. Stockholm is even wilder; about 60% of households there are solo.
The Darker Side of Going Solo
It’s not all sunshine and brunch, though. Klinenberg is careful not to paint a purely rosy picture. While the wealthy and middle class might see living alone as a "mark of distinction" or a reward for success, it’s a very different story for the poor.
If you’re struggling financially, living alone can feel like a trap. He highlights "defensive individualism" among poor men living in Single Room Occupancy (SRO) hotels. For them, being alone is often a way to hide from the shame of perceived failure or to escape chaotic family situations. There’s also the legitimate fear of "aging alone." If you’re 85, live on the fourth floor of a walk-up, and don't have a strong "social infrastructure" around you, the risk of isolation is real.
He points back to his earlier work on the 1995 Chicago heat wave, where hundreds of people died alone because they were literally disconnected from their neighbors. Being alone works best when it’s backed by a strong community and a safety net.
Why This Matters for the Future
We need to stop treating solo living like a temporary "problem" and start designing our world to accommodate it. Our housing laws, our apartment buildings, and even our social policies are still built for the 1950s nuclear family.
We need "micro-units" that are actually affordable. We need communal spaces that aren't just an afterthought. Klinenberg suggests we should look at Scandinavian models, where the state invests in social infrastructure—guaranteed healthcare, great public transit, and community-owned facilities—that makes going solo a viable, healthy lifestyle for everyone, not just the rich.
Moving Forward: How to Make Solo Living Work
If you're currently living alone or thinking about it, the research suggests a few "success factors" for the singleton life:
- Build a "Social Convoy": Don't rely on just one or two people. Have a diverse mix of friends, neighbors, and "third places" (like a favorite coffee shop) where people know your name.
- Invest in Your Space: If you’re going solo, your home needs to be a sanctuary, not just a place to sleep.
- Stay Digitally Connected, but Physically Present: Use the internet to coordinate meetings, but make sure you actually show up in person.
- Acknowledge the Interdependence: No one is truly an island. Even Thoreau had his mom bring him sandwiches at Walden Pond. Your independence is actually made possible by the people and services around you.
The "cult of the individual" isn't going away. If anything, the trend of Going Solo is only speeding up. The goal isn't to force everyone back into traditional marriages; it's to make sure that when we do choose to live alone, we aren't actually left on our own.