It was 2012. The world was supposedly ending according to the Mayans, but something much more world-shaking was happening in the literary world. E.L. James had just released Fifty Shades of Grey. It was everywhere. You couldn't go to a Starbucks or sit on a subway without seeing someone staring intently at a Kindle or a paperback with a silver tie on the cover. The "mommy porn" phenomenon was at its absolute peak.
Then came the voice.
You know the one. That shrill, grating, squinty-eyed squawk that voiced Iago the parrot in Aladdin and sold Aflac insurance before a poorly timed tsunami joke ended that gig. When Gilbert Gottfried reads 50 shades of gray, something magical—and deeply unsettling—happens. It wasn't just a parody. It was a cultural exorcism.
The CollegeHumor Video That Broke the Internet
Honestly, the setup was so simple it’s a wonder it worked so well. CollegeHumor (under their Jest brand at the time) sat Gilbert Gottfried down in front of a microphone. No fancy sets. No costumes. Just a man and some of the most questionable prose ever to hit the New York Times Bestseller list.
The video dropped in May 2012. It quickly became the definitive way to mock the book's purple prose. While most critics were busy writing long-form essays about the "dangers of its depiction of BDSM" or the "decline of Western literature," Gilbert just leaned into the microphone and screamed the word "clitoris" like he was calling a bingo game in a hurricane.
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Why his voice was the perfect weapon
The genius of the bit lies in the contrast. Fifty Shades relies entirely on a specific kind of internal intensity—the "inner goddess" and the smoldering Christian Grey. It's meant to be breathless. Sultry.
When you run those lines through Gilbert’s vocal cords, the absurdity of the writing is laid bare. Hearing him describe Christian Grey "inhaling deeply" or "scrunching panties" in that signature rasp makes it impossible to take the source material seriously ever again. It turned erotic fiction into a fever dream.
Breaking Down the Most Iconic Lines
There are certain moments in that reading that have lived on in internet lore long after the movie adaptations faded from memory. People still quote his pronunciation of specific anatomical terms.
- The "Clitoris" Rant: The way he stretches the word out, emphasizing the "ORIS" part, is legendary. It’s less like a romance novel and more like a biology lecture delivered by a very angry Brooklyn taxi driver.
- The Panty Sniffing: "He scrunches my panties in his hand... and inhales deeply." In the book, it’s supposed to be a moment of animalistic desire. In Gilbert’s voice, it sounds like he's describing a suspicious smell in the back of a deli.
- The Fisting Discussion: Yeah, he went there. The video didn't shy away from the more... adventurous parts of the text. Hearing the voice of a Disney character discuss "the fisting" is a core memory for anyone who was online during the early 2010s.
The Cultural Impact: More Than Just a Laugh
We have to talk about why this mattered. In 2012, Fifty Shades was being treated with a weird amount of reverence in some circles and vitriol in others. Gilbert provided a third option: pure, unadulterated ridicule that was also somehow affectionate toward the chaos of it all.
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He wasn't the only one to do it. George Takei famously read excerpts too. So did Steve Buscemi (sorta). But Gottfried’s version is the one that stuck. It’s the one people go back to on YouTube when they need a "mind cleanser" after seeing the movies.
The "Better Than the Movie" Argument
Kinda funny, right? Many fans actually argue that Gilbert’s reading is more entertaining than the actual 2015 film starring Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan. The film was criticized for being a bit "languid" and "stilted." Gilbert, on the other hand, was never stilted. He was a force of nature.
Remembering the Legend
Gilbert Gottfried passed away in April 2022, and when the news broke, his reading of Fifty Shades was one of the first things people shared. It stands alongside his "The Aristocrats" performance at the Hugh Hefner roast as a testament to his ability to take the "un-talkable" and make it hilarious through sheer volume and commitment.
He knew exactly what he was doing. He knew that by being the least sexy person on the planet, he could make the "sexiest" book on the planet look ridiculous.
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How to experience it today
If you haven't seen it in a while, it’s still out there. The original CollegeHumor/Jest versions are archived on YouTube and Dailymotion. It’s a short watch—only about two minutes—but it’s two minutes that will permanently alter how you read romance novels.
Actionable Takeaways for Comedy Fans
If you want to dive deeper into the world of Gilbert’s "erotic" readings or just appreciate the art of the parody, here is what you should do next:
- Watch the "WAP" Reading: Shortly before his passing, Gilbert did a reading of Cardi B’s "WAP." It carries the exact same energy as the Fifty Shades video and is equally "horrifying" in the best way.
- Listen to Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast: If you want to hear the man behind the voice, his podcast is a treasure trove of Hollywood history and dirty jokes. He was a true student of film and comedy.
- Check out the George Takei Version: For a different flavor of "celebrity reads smut," Takei’s deep, booming baritone provides a hilarious counterpoint to Gilbert’s shrillness.
- Revisit the "Aristocrats" Joke: If you want to see Gilbert at his most fearless, find the footage of him performing after a 9/11 joke flopped. It’s a masterclass in winning back a crowd by being as offensive as humanly possible.
Basically, the world is a little quieter without Gilbert Gottfried’s screaming. But as long as someone is reading a poorly written romance novel and hears that raspy voice in the back of their head, his legacy is safe.