Biology is weird. Seriously. Most people grow up with their parents and develop a natural, psychological barrier that makes the idea of intimacy with them feel physically impossible. It's called the Westermarck effect. Basically, if you live with someone during the first few years of your life, your brain hardwires a "desaturization" to them as a sexual partner. It's an evolutionary safety net to prevent inbreeding.
But what happens when that net is missing?
When people talk about sex with my mom in a clinical or psychological context, they are almost always referring to a phenomenon known as Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA). It sounds like something out of a tabloid, but for many adult adoptees or children separated from their biological parents at birth, it's a confusing, distressing, and very real medical reality. It’s not about "kinks" or fetishes. It’s about a massive biological misfire that happens during a late-in-life reunion.
The Science of Missing Bonds
The term Genetic Sexual Attraction was actually coined by Barbara Gonyo in the 1980s. She founded Truth Seekers in Adoption after experiencing these intense feelings for the son she had given up years prior.
Think about it this way. You meet someone. They look like you. They have your sense of humor. They have the same quirks, the same smell, and the same temperament. Under normal circumstances, these are the exact traits that draw humans to one another. We are naturally attracted to people who are like us—a concept called assortative mating.
When you share 50% of your DNA with someone but didn't grow up with them, your brain doesn't have the "sibling" or "parent" file open. Instead, it just sees an incredibly compatible stranger. It’s a literal biological "short circuit."
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Why the Taboo Makes It Harder
People don't want to talk about this. Honestly, the shame is so suffocating that many families who experience GSA go into total isolation.
The media usually handles this with the grace of a sledgehammer. You see the headlines about "Incestuous Couples" and the comments sections are a bloodbath. But psychologists who specialize in adoption, like those referenced in various Post-Adoption Support studies, note that this occurs in an estimated 50% of reunions between parents and adult children who were separated at birth.
That is a staggering number.
It’s not just "gross." It’s a complex trauma response.
The Psychological Fallout of Reunion
Reunion is a high-stress environment. You’re trying to cram twenty or thirty years of missed milestones into a few weeks. The emotions are dialed up to eleven. You feel a sense of belonging you’ve never felt before.
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For an adult child, finding their mother can feel like finding the missing piece of their soul. If the Westermarck effect isn't there to keep those feelings in the "familial" category, the brain often misinterprets that intense emotional intimacy as romantic or sexual attraction.
Sometimes, this leads to actual physical encounters.
When sex with my mom occurs in these GSA cases, the aftermath is rarely a "happily ever after." It’s usually followed by extreme guilt, legal complications, and the potential total destruction of the newly formed relationship.
Legal Realities and Gray Areas
We have to be real about the law. In almost every jurisdiction, regardless of whether the attraction is "biological" or "accidental," sexual relations between a parent and child are illegal. These are incest laws. They exist for a reason—primarily to prevent the genetic risks of inbreeding and to protect against the inherent power imbalances in family structures.
Even if both parties are consenting adults who met for the first time last Tuesday, the state doesn't care. The DNA is what triggers the statute.
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What the Experts Say
Dr. Maurice Greenberg, a psychoanalyst who has studied GSA, suggests that the attraction is often a "yearning for the primary bond" that was lost. It’s a hunger for the mother-infant connection that was never satisfied, now manifesting in an adult body with adult hormones.
It’s a tragedy of timing.
Navigating the Feelings Without Crossing the Line
If you are in a reunion and you start feeling "that way," you aren't a monster. You're likely experiencing a known psychological phenomenon.
- Get a therapist who understands adoption. Not just any therapist. You need someone who knows what GSA is so they don't look at you with horror when you're honest.
- Set hard boundaries. If the attraction is there, avoid being alone in private spaces for a while. Treat it like any other high-risk situation.
- Understand the "limerence" phase. Initial reunions often involve a "honeymoon" period where everything feels magical. It fades. Wait for the fade before making any choices you can't take back.
- Read the literature. Books like The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier don't talk specifically about GSA in every chapter, but they explain the underlying trauma of separation that fuels these intense feelings.
The goal of any reunion should be the restoration of a family tree, not the creation of a legal or emotional disaster. Recognizing the "why" behind the attraction is the first step in making sure it doesn't ruin the chance at having a normal, healthy relationship with a biological parent.
Knowledge is the only thing that kills the shame. If you know it's a biological glitch, you can manage it. If you think it’s a moral failing, it’ll consume you.