It sounds like the plot of a taboo-breaking indie film or a late-night Reddit confession thread. But the reality of people experiencing intense, confusing feelings leading to scenarios where "my mother and i had sex" is a documented psychological phenomenon known as Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA). It is unsettling. It is widely misunderstood. Most importantly, it almost always happens in a very specific context: long-term separation followed by a reunion in adulthood.
Human biology usually has a built-in "off switch" for this. It’s called the Westermarck Effect. Basically, if you grow up with someone during the first few years of your life, your brain hardwires a permanent lack of sexual interest in them. It’s nature’s way of preventing inbreeding. But when that bond is broken—when a child is adopted or a parent is absent—and they meet again as adults? That "off switch" was never flipped.
The result is a chemical and emotional wildfire.
The Science Behind GSA and Why It Happens
When two people who share a high percentage of DNA meet for the first time as adults, they often feel an overwhelming sense of "coming home." They look alike. They have the same mannerisms. They might even smell familiar due to similar pheromones. For most people, this manifests as a powerful platonic bond. However, because the brain doesn't have that "sibling" or "parent" label pre-installed from childhood, it can easily misinterpret this intense familiarity as romantic or sexual attraction.
Psychologist Barbara Gonyo, who coined the term in the 1980s after her own experience reuniting with her adult son, noted that the attraction isn't about "perversion." It’s a biological glitch.
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The Role of Mirroring and Dopamine
Think about how dating works. We look for common ground. We look for someone who "gets" us. When you meet a biological parent or child after twenty years, the common ground is 50% of your entire genetic makeup. The mirroring is absolute. This creates a massive dopamine spike. You’re not just meeting a stranger; you’re meeting a version of yourself.
In many documented cases, like the widely reported story of Kim West and her son Ben Ford in 2016, the individuals involved describe the feeling as an "obsessive" pull. It’s a heavy, cloying type of attraction that feels more powerful than any standard relationship because it’s fueled by decades of missed developmental milestones and sudden biological recognition.
The Legal and Social Reality of Incestuous Encounters
Let's be real: society doesn't have a "nuanced" view of this. In the eyes of the law in most jurisdictions, the circumstances don't matter. Whether it's a "consensual" adult reunion or not, the legal system labels these encounters as incest.
In the United States, laws vary wildly by state, but the underlying consensus is that these relationships are prohibited. This creates a massive barrier for people trying to seek help. If someone is struggling with the aftermath of an encounter like "my mother and i had sex," they often feel they can't talk to a therapist or a lawyer without facing immediate criminal consequences or extreme social ostracization.
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The trauma involved in these situations is twofold. First, there is the internal guilt. Second, there is the external terror of being "found out." This often leads to a cycle of isolation. People in GSA-driven relationships often describe feeling like they are in a bubble, separated from the rest of the world by a secret that feels both beautiful and horrifying.
Healing and Navigating the Psychological Fallout
If you are dealing with the reality of an encounter involving Genetic Sexual Attraction, you have to understand that your brain is basically short-circuiting. You aren't "broken," but the relationship is inherently high-risk and psychologically damaging in the long run.
The power dynamic between a parent and a child is never truly equal, even if both are adults. There is a deep-seated biological hierarchy that makes "true" consent a very murky area. This is why many experts, like those at the Post-Adoption Center, emphasize the need for specialized counseling that focuses on "re-parenting" the bond rather than pursuing a romantic one.
Breaking the Cycle
How do you move past this? Honestly, it’s one of the hardest psychological hurdles a person can face.
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- Establish Immediate Distance: The dopamine loop of GSA is incredibly addictive. Like any addiction, you need a period of "detox" to allow your logic centers to catch up with your emotional ones.
- Seek Trauma-Informed Therapy: Look for therapists who specialize in adoption, reunion, or "complex family dynamics." You don't necessarily have to lead with the sexual details if you are afraid of legalities, but you must address the "intense emotional fusion."
- Understand the Westermarck Deficit: Remind yourself that what you’re feeling is a biological reaction to a missing childhood experience. You are trying to fill a twenty-year hole with a physical act, but it won't actually fill the void.
- Focus on Identity: People who fall into these patterns often have a fractured sense of self. They look to the biological relative to "complete" them. Building a life, hobbies, and relationships outside of that family unit is the only way to stabilize.
Moving Toward Recovery
Recovery isn't about forgetting the person or the encounter. It’s about re-categorizing them in your mind. The goal is to move from a state of "romantic obsession" to one of "biological recognition." It’s about mourning the childhood you didn't have so you don't keep trying to recreate it in the bedroom.
The path forward requires brutal honesty. It requires acknowledging that while the feelings felt "real," they were a response to a unique set of tragic circumstances—the loss of a primary bond and its sudden, adult restoration.
To begin the process of untangling these emotions, the first step is recognizing that the attraction is a symptom of a deeper wound. Addressing that wound, rather than acting on the attraction, is the only way to find genuine peace and avoid further psychological or legal trauma. Focus on establishing boundaries that protect your mental health and seek out support groups specifically designed for adult adoptees and birth parents navigating reunions. This is a journey of grief as much as it is one of healing.