It sounds like a headline from a supermarket tabloid. Or maybe a plot point in a gritty HBO drama. But when a real mother and son have sex after being separated for twenty or thirty years, the reality isn't usually about "taboo" thrills. It’s a documented psychological phenomenon known as Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA).
It’s messy. It's confusing. Honestly, it’s one of the most misunderstood aspects of human psychology.
Most people react with instant revulsion. That’s a biological safeguard called the Westermarck effect. Basically, if you grow up with someone during the first few years of your life, your brain hardwires a "desexualization" switch. You don't see your brother or your mother as a sexual being because you were in the trenches of diapers and cereal bowls together. But what happens when that proximity is missing? When a child is given up for adoption and meets their biological parent for the first time at age 25?
The switch never flipped.
The Science of Why This Happens
When two people who look alike, smell similar (due to major histocompatibility complex genes), and share personality traits meet as adults, the "click" is intense. It’s often described as a soulmate-level connection. You've probably felt it on a minor scale when you meet someone and just get each other immediately. Now, amplify that by 50% shared DNA.
Barbara Gonyo, who founded a support group for people experiencing this in the 1980s after she felt an attraction to her own adult son, coined the term Genetic Sexual Attraction. She wasn't a criminal. She was a mother who was terrified by the overwhelming pull she felt toward the man she hadn't seen since his infancy.
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The bond is often mistaken for romantic love because we don't have another category for "intense, overwhelming familiarity mixed with physical pull." In a typical reunion, the biological mother might see her own eyes or her father’s smile in her son. The son sees a woman who accepts him unconditionally—something he might have craved his entire life.
It’s a perfect storm.
The Case of Kim West and Ben Ford
You might remember this story from back in 2016. It’s one of the few times a real mother and son have sex and then go public to explain the "why" behind it. Kim West gave her son, Ben, up for adoption when she was 19. They reunited decades later. They didn't expect to fall in love. But they did.
They described it as a "lightning bolt" moment.
Ben ended up leaving his wife. They moved to a different area to try and live as a couple. Their story is often cited by psychologists because it highlights the lack of the Westermarck effect. Since they didn't have that early childhood bonding, the brain didn't categorize the other person as "off-limits family." Instead, it categorized them as "highly compatible stranger."
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Legal and Social Realities
Let's be clear: in almost every jurisdiction, this is illegal. Incest laws don't typically make exceptions for Genetic Sexual Attraction or "late-discovery" reunions.
In the United States, most states classify this as a felony. In the UK, the Sexual Offences Act 2003 specifically prohibits sexual activity between adult biological relatives, regardless of consent or prior relationship. The legal system doesn't care about the psychological nuance. It cares about the societal standard and the potential for "genetic mischief," even if the parties use protection or are beyond childbearing age.
The Psychological Toll
It’s rarely a "happily ever after."
The guilt is usually soul-crushing. Most people who experience GSA are horrified by their own feelings. They feel like monsters. This leads to a cycle of intense closeness followed by "ghosting" or volatile arguments.
Psychologists like Dr. Maurice Greenberg, who has studied these cases extensively, note that the attraction usually fades if the couple can survive a "limerence" phase, but the damage to the family structure is often permanent. You aren't just a couple; you're a mother and a son who have crossed a line that society—and often your own subconscious—can't uncross.
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Why We Need to Talk About It Honestly
Ignoring GSA doesn't make it go away. With the rise of DNA testing kits like 23andMe and Ancestry.com, reunions between long-lost relatives are happening at an all-time high.
Most reunions are beautiful. They result in a new sense of identity. But a significant percentage—some estimates suggest up to 50% of reunions involving long-term separation—feature some level of GSA, even if it's just a confusing "crush" that never gets acted upon.
If you are a birth parent or an adoptee preparing for a reunion, you need to know this is a possibility. It doesn't mean you're "sick." It means your biology is reacting to a familiar set of genes without the protective "incest taboo" training that childhood provides.
Actionable Steps for Navigating Reconnections
If you’re currently in a reunion or planning one, here is how to keep things on the rails:
- Meet in public. Always. For the first several months, keep your meetings in high-traffic areas. This helps maintain social boundaries.
- Acknowledge the "High." The "honeymoon phase" of a reunion is chemically similar to falling in love. Recognize that the euphoria is part of the bonding process, not necessarily a sign you've found a romantic partner.
- Get a therapist who understands adoption. Not just any therapist. You need someone who understands the specific trauma of "relinquishment and reunion."
- Set boundaries early. It’s okay to say, "I’m feeling very overwhelmed by how much I like you, so I’m going to take a week off from texting."
Understanding Genetic Sexual Attraction doesn't excuse the behavior in the eyes of the law, but it provides a framework for why a real mother and son have sex in these rare, specific circumstances. It’s a failure of the brain's internal filing system, triggered by a late-life reunion.
The goal for anyone in this situation should be to transition that intense energy into a healthy, stable parental or sibling bond. It’s a long road, and it requires brutal honesty with oneself. The attraction is a biological glitch, not a destiny.
For those navigating a recent discovery of biological family, the most important thing is to move slowly. The "genetic pull" is real, but your choices remain your own. Focus on building a history together that mimics the years you lost—one that is based on support, shared memories, and the safety of a family bond that doesn't need to be anything other than what it is.