Honestly, if you've ever spent five minutes in the Lands Between, you know the feeling. You’re battered. You’re out of Crimson Flasks. You’ve just barely survived a run-in with a Grafted Scion, and you see that familiar white glow on the ground. Maybe it's a hint? A warning about a trap? You click it.
"Dog!"
It’s a turtle. It’s clearly a turtle. But in the weird, hive-mind world of FromSoftware’s masterpiece, that turtle is a dog. That donkey is a dog. That giant, horrifying snail? Also a dog. Finding the funniest Elden Ring messages isn't just about the jokes; it’s about that shared, delirious struggle where the only way to stay sane is to leave absolute nonsense for the next person.
The Art of the Message Trap
FromSoftware didn't give us a keyboard. They gave us a box of magnetic poetry and told us to be helpful. Instead, we chose chaos. The messaging system works by piecing together templates and a limited word bank. It's restrictive on purpose. This limitation is exactly why the comedy hits so hard. When you only have words like "edge," "rump," and "pickle," you have to get creative to be a menace.
One of the most legendary—and infuriating—bits of trolling involves the "try jumping" prompt. You'll see it at the edge of every single cliff in Limgrave. Sometimes there’s a secret ledge down there. Usually, there’s just a pile of bloodstains where a hundred other Tarnished fell to their doom.
But then there are the "trap" messages. Have you ever tried to climb a ladder while a pack of dogs is nipping at your heels, only to accidentally read a message placed right at the base?
"Ladder ahead."
No kidding. You die because you were too busy reading about the ladder to actually climb it. It’s peak Elden Ring. It’s the kind of thing that makes you want to throw your controller and then immediately "Appraise" the message because, honestly, they got you good.
Shadow of the Erdtree and the Evolution of Humor
When the Shadow of the Erdtree DLC dropped, the community didn't lose its touch. If anything, the humor got darker. The difficulty spike in Rauh or the Shadow Keep led to a surge in "I want to go home" messages.
I remember finding a message in the Abyssal Woods—a place that is legitimately terrifying—that just said "Didn't expect rain." Right as I finished reading it, the heavens opened up. It was perfect. Then there’s the "snake!" message placed next to a coiled-up piece of rope. Simple. Stupid. Over 6,000 appraisals.
Why We Can't Stop Appraising the "But Hole" Jokes
Look, we have to talk about it. The "try finger but hole" phenomenon is probably the most famous (or infamous) part of the game’s social layer. It's everywhere. Behind every statue, next to every corpse, and in front of every suspiciously shaped piece of environment.
Why does it work? Why is it still funny after four years?
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- The Healing Mechanic: Every time someone appraises your message, you get a full health refill. I've had my life saved in the middle of a boss fight because someone halfway across the world thought my "Seek rump" joke was funny.
- The Contrast: Elden Ring is a grim, oppressive world. You are a nameless nobody trying to kill gods. Breaking that tension with a middle-school-tier joke is a necessary release valve.
- The Language Barrier: Because the messages are built from templates, they are automatically translated for players in other countries. A Japanese player and a Brazilian player can both look at a turtle and agree: "Dog."
The "O You Don't Have the Right" Chant
There is a specific kind of frustration that comes with finding a locked door in a legacy dungeon. Usually, there’s a message there.
"O you don't have the right, O you don't have the right,
therefore O you don't have the right, O you don't have the right."
It reads like a rhythmic chant. It’s the community collectively pointing and laughing at you for not having the right key or coming from the wrong side. It’s obnoxious, but it makes the world feel inhabited. You aren't the only one being told "no" by the game.
The Most Iconic Message Archetypes
If you're playing today, you're going to see these categories over and over. They are the pillars of the community.
1. The Obvious Captions
These are the minimalist masterpieces. A message right under a giant lever that says "Lever." A message in a swamp that says "Likely rot." It’s the deadpan delivery that makes these work. You’re standing in a lake of poison, and some guy took the time to write, "Poison ahead." Thanks, buddy.
2. The "Fort, Night" Obsession
This one confused people for weeks. "Fort, night." It sounds like a warning. Is there a fort nearby? Should I wait until nightfall? No. It’s a Fortnite joke. It’s a pun that makes zero sense in the lore but makes total sense to anyone who has been on the internet in the last decade.
3. The Existential Crisis
Sometimes you find a message that actually hits home. "Still no Elden Ring..." or "Don't you dare!" placed at a cliffside where you're contemplating a pointless jump. These feel like whispers from other players who are just as tired as you are.
4. The "Edge, Lord"
Usually found near Ensha in the Roundtable Hold. Ensha stands there, leaning against a wall, trying way too hard to look cool. The message "Edge, lord" is the perfect way to take him down a peg.
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How to Leave a Message That Actually Gets Appraisals
If you want to get those sweet, sweet mid-boss heals, you can't just spam "try finger." The market is oversaturated. You have to be tactical.
Placement is everything. Don't put your message where everyone else does. Put it somewhere unexpected. Did you find a weird glitchy corner? "Hidden path?" No, try "Could this be a bug?" or "Behold, master!"
Use the gestures. When you write a message, you can attach an emote. If you’re calling a turtle a dog, use the "Point Down" or "Warm Welcome" gesture. It makes your phantom appear for the other player, adding a visual punchline to the text.
Also, timing is key. During the first week of a DLC launch, helpful messages (actual secrets) get way more love. Once everyone knows the map, the community pivots back to the funniest Elden Ring messages and pure shitposting.
The Social Fabric of the Lands Between
At the end of the day, these glowing scribbles are what make Elden Ring feel different from a standard open-world RPG. It’s a shared language. We all know what "seek grass" means (it means go outside). We all know that a message saying "friend ahead" in front of a Patches encounter is a lie.
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It’s a weirdly wholesome form of communication. In a game where you can't talk to other players directly, these phrases become our dialect. We’re all just Tarnished, stuck in a cycle of death, trying to make each other laugh before the next boss flattens us.
To make your own mark on the Lands Between, start by experimenting with the conjunctions in the message menu. Combining two phrases like "Likely friend" and "therefore try attacking" can create a much more nuanced joke than a simple one-liner. Look for environmental storytelling that FromSoftware left behind—a corpse in a funny position or a weirdly shaped rock—and find the word in the "Objects" category that fits best. Whether you’re genuinely helping or just being a menace, your message contributes to the living history of the game. Just don't be surprised if your "try jumping" note gets a few "disparaged" ratings along the way.