We’ve all been there. You’re sitting across from someone—maybe a first date, a new coworker, or that cousin you only see once every three years—and the conversation just dies. It’s painful. You start inspecting your fingernails. They suddenly find the pattern on the wallpaper fascinating. You want to say something, anything, but your brain feels like a dusty chalkboard.
The problem isn't that you're boring. Honestly, it's usually just that you're stuck in the "Small Talk Loop." People ask about the weather or "how's work?" because it's safe. But safe is boring. Safe leads to those long, heavy silences. If you want to actually enjoy a conversation, you need fun topics to talk about that tap into how people actually think and feel. It’s about moving from "What do you do?" to "What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever done for money?"
Why Your Go-To Icebreakers Are Failing
Most advice tells you to ask open-ended questions. That’s fine, I guess. But if the question is "Tell me about yourself," it’s too broad. It feels like a job interview. People panic.
Psychologist Arthur Aron famously researched how "self-disclosure" creates closeness. His "36 Questions to Fall in Love" study proved that specific, slightly vulnerable, and quirky prompts bypass the social filters we all carry around. You don't need to make someone fall in love with you at a networking event, but you can use the same logic. You need topics that spark a story, not a one-word answer.
Think about the last time you really laughed during a chat. Was it because someone told you their job title? Probably not. It was likely a "low-stakes debate" or a shared "ridiculous memory."
The Magic of Low-Stakes Debates
This is my absolute favorite category. A low-stakes debate is an argument about something that doesn't actually matter. It’s the opposite of politics or religion. It’s heated, but it’s funny.
Take the classic: Is a hot dog a sandwich? People have opinions on this. Or ask if they’d rather fight one horse-sized duck or a hundred duck-sized horses. It sounds stupid. It is. But that’s why it works. It lets people be playful.
Another great one is asking about "the hill you’re willing to die on." Maybe someone is weirdly passionate about why cilantro tastes like soap (which is actually a genetic thing involving the OR6A2 gene, by the way). Maybe they think The Empire Strikes Back is overrated. When you give someone permission to be "wrong" or "opinionated" about something trivial, the tension evaporates.
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Pop Culture Rabbit Holes
You don’t have to be a cinephile to talk about entertainment. Instead of asking "What shows are you watching?"—which usually ends with "Uh, some Netflix stuff"—try asking about their "guilty pleasure" media.
Everyone has that one show or movie they know is objectively terrible but they’ve seen it ten times. For some, it’s 2000s reality TV like The Simple Life. For others, it’s watching specialized YouTube channels about power-washing driveways or competitive marble racing.
- The "Niche Interest" Angle: Ask, "What’s a rabbit hole you’ve fallen down lately?"
- The Nostalgia Play: "What was the first CD or digital album you ever bought with your own money?"
Nostalgia is a powerful social lubricant. Talking about the sheer embarrassment of middle school fashion choices or the weird toys we had in the 90s (remember Furbies?) creates an immediate bond. You’re not just talking; you’re reminiscing together.
Travel Disasters and "Anti-Bucket" Lists
Travel is one of the most common fun topics to talk about, but people usually handle it wrong. They talk about the beautiful sunsets or the great food. Boring.
I want to hear about the time you got lost in a rural village in Italy and had to mime "where is the train station" to a confused goat herder. Or the time you booked a "luxury" hostel that turned out to be a literal basement with a leaky pipe.
We connect through shared struggle. Ask someone about their worst travel fail. It’s almost always a better story than their best vacation.
Alternatively, try the "Anti-Bucket List." This is a list of places you have absolutely zero interest in ever visiting. Maybe someone hates the cold so much that Antarctica is a hard "no." Maybe the thought of a crowded cruise ship makes them itch. It’s a great way to learn about someone’s personality without the standard "where do you want to go" platitudes.
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The "What If" Scenarios That Actually Work
If the conversation is really flagging, pivot to a hypothetical. But keep it grounded enough to be relatable.
"If you won the lottery tomorrow, but you couldn't spend a dime on yourself or your family, what would you do with it?" This forces people to think about their values in a fun way.
Or try: "If you could be the world-class expert in one thing overnight, what would it be?" You’ll find out that the quiet accountant next to you actually harbors a secret desire to be a master cheesemaker or a professional rally car driver.
Moving Beyond the "Work" Talk
In many cultures, especially in the U.S., we lead with work. "So, what do you do?" It’s a reflex. But for many, work is just a thing they do to fund their actual life.
If you must talk about work, make it interesting. Ask:
- What’s the biggest misconception people have about your job?
- If you weren't doing this, what would your "dream" 18th-century profession be? (Blacksmith? Lighthouse keeper? Pirate?)
- What’s the most "office-space" thing that’s ever happened at your workplace?
Basically, you’re looking for the human element behind the professional mask. People love complaining about "Reply All" chains or the weirdly aggressive notes people leave in the communal fridge. It’s universal.
The Science of Why This Matters
Social connection isn't just a "nice to have." It's a biological imperative. Research from the Harvard Study of Adult Development—the longest-running study on happiness—found that the quality of our relationships is the single biggest predictor of health and longevity.
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When you engage in fun, meaningful conversation, your brain releases oxytocin. This is the "bonding hormone." It lowers cortisol (the stress hormone). So, by being the person who brings up fun topics to talk about, you’re literally helping the people around you feel healthier and more relaxed.
A Quick Note on Body Language
It’s not just what you say; it’s how you’re positioned while saying it. The "Pratfall Effect" in social psychology suggests that people who are highly competent but occasionally make a mistake or show a "flaw" are more likable than those who seem perfect.
So, don't be afraid to lead with a self-deprecating story. If you tell a story about how you once walked into a glass door while trying to look cool, you give the other person permission to be imperfect, too. That’s where the real fun starts.
How to Handle the Transition
The hardest part is often the "pivot." You’re talking about the weather, and you want to switch to something better.
You can use a "bridge phrase." Something like, "That reminds me of this weird thing I read..." or "I’m tired of talking about work, can I ask you a totally random question instead?"
Most people will feel relieved. They're likely just as bored as you are. By taking the lead, you’re doing them a favor.
Actionable Steps to Improve Your Social Game
Knowing the topics is half the battle. Executing is the other half. Here is how you can actually use this information next time you’re out.
- Prep Two "Backpocket" Stories: Have two short (under 60 seconds) stories ready to go. One should be a "fail" (funny) and one should be a "win" (interesting).
- The 70/30 Rule: Aim to listen 70% of the time and speak 30%. Use the fun topics as "probes" to get them talking, then follow up on the details they seem excited about.
- Watch the Eyes: If you bring up a topic and their eyes light up, stay there. If they give short answers and look away, pivot immediately. Don't force a "low-stakes debate" if they aren't in the mood.
- Use the Environment: Look around. Is there a weird piece of art? A strange appetizer? "I’m trying to decide if this dip is amazing or if I’m just hungry" is a perfectly valid opening.
- Stop Overthinking: The biggest conversation killer is the fear of sounding stupid. Most people are so worried about how they sound that they won't even notice if you stumble over a word.
The goal isn't to be the most interesting person in the room. It’s to be the person who makes the room more interesting. Focus on curiosity rather than performance. When you’re genuinely curious about what makes someone tick—what they hate, what they love, and what weird hill they’d die on—you’ll never run out of things to say.