Let’s be real. We've all been there. You're staring at your phone, a message just popped up, and it starts with those seven letters that make your stomach drop just a little bit. Frankly.
It’s a linguistic landmine.
When someone uses frankly in a text, the vibe shifts instantly. One second you're chatting about where to grab tacos, and the next, it feels like you're being summoned to the principal's office or about to get dumped via iMessage. Why does one word carry so much baggage? It’s basically the "we need to talk" of the adverb world.
Digital communication is a mess. Without the benefit of a raised eyebrow or a softening smile, we rely on these specific markers to signal our intent. But usually, using "frankly" backfires. Instead of coming across as honest, you often end up sounding like a jerk. Or at the very least, someone who's about to drop a truth bomb that nobody actually asked for.
The Hidden Psychology of Being Frank
Psycholinguists have actually looked into this. It's about "pragmatic markers." Basically, words that don't change the literal meaning of a sentence but tell the listener how to feel about it. If I say "I don't like that shirt," it's a statement. If I say "Frankly, I don't like that shirt," I am adding a layer of perceived authority and bluntness.
It feels aggressive.
According to research on computer-mediated communication (CMC), text-based dialogue lacks "social presence." This is a fancy way of saying we can't see the person's face. When you insert a word like "frankly," the brain fills in the missing non-verbal cues with negative ones. We assume the sender is annoyed, impatient, or condescending.
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Is that always the case? No. But it's how it's received.
Think about the last time a boss used it. "Frankly, the numbers aren't where they need to be." Ouch. It shuts down collaboration. It creates a hierarchy where one person is the "truth-teller" and the other is just wrong. In a friendship, it's even worse. It signals that the "niceness" phase of the conversation is over and the "harsh reality" phase has begun.
Most people don't use it to be mean, though. They use it because they feel unheard. They think adding a linguistic intensifier will finally make their point land. Spoiler alert: it usually just makes the other person defensive.
How Context Changes Everything (Or Ruining Your Group Chat)
Context is everything. You've got to look at who is sending the text. If your 80-year-old grandmother says it, she's probably just being precise. If your Gen Z coworker says it? They're likely one step away from quiet quitting or sending a very pointed email to HR.
The Professional "Frankly"
In a business setting, using frankly in a text is a power move. And not a good one. Slack and Microsoft Teams have made our work lives incredibly informal. We send emojis to our CEOs. But "frankly" pulls us back into a 1950s boardroom. It feels stiff.
If you're managing a team, avoid it. It’s a "conversation stopper." Instead of opening up a dialogue about a project's flaws, it dictates the terms of the failure. It leaves the recipient with nowhere to go.
The Romantic "Frankly"
This is the danger zone. If you’re dating someone and they start a sentence with "Frankly," you might as well start looking at new apartments. It’s a precursor to a "but."
- "Frankly, I think we're looking for different things."
- "Frankly, I'm just tired of the drama."
It’s a verbal shield. By labeling their statement as "frank," the sender is trying to protect themselves from being called mean. "I'm not being rude, I'm just being frank!" No, Susan, you're being a bit of a pill.
The "Frankly" Alternatives That Won't Make People Hate You
If you actually need to be honest but don't want to sound like a Victorian villain, you have options. It’s all about softening the blow.
Try "To be honest" (TBH)
Yes, it’s a cliché. Yes, everyone uses it. But it’s significantly lower stakes. "TBH, I'm not feeling that restaurant" sounds like a preference. "Frankly, I'm not feeling that restaurant" sounds like the restaurant insulted your mother.
Just say the thing
Most of the time, you can just delete the word. "I'm worried about this deadline" is much more effective than "Frankly, I'm worried about this deadline." The second one adds a layer of judgment—as if the other person should have been worried already.
Use "I feel" statements
It's therapy 101 for a reason. It works. When you lead with your own experience rather than an objective-sounding "truth," people stay open.
The "Just" Factor
Sometimes, "I'm just a bit concerned" works better. It's smaller. It's less "I am the arbiter of reality."
Why Google Discover Loves (and Hates) This Word
You'll see "frankly" show up in opinion pieces a lot. It's a "clicky" word. It promises a hot take. When an algorithm sees a headline like "Frankly, the iPhone 15 isn't worth it," it flags it as high-engagement. Why? Because it provokes a reaction.
But in personal texts? The algorithm is your friend's brain. And that brain is hardwired to detect threats. Using frankly in a text triggers a "micro-threat" response. It’s a linguistic spike in an otherwise smooth conversation.
If you're writing content—like a blog or a social media post—you can use it to create a persona of a "straight talker." But you have to be careful. If you do it too much, you just seem grumpy.
The Cultural Divide: Is it an Age Thing?
There is a massive generational gap in how we interpret "honesty" in text. Baby Boomers and older Gen Xers often use more formal language because that’s how they were taught to write. To them, "frankly" is just a transition word. It’s like saying "furthermore" (which you should also avoid, honestly).
Millennials and Gen Z, however, grew up with the nuances of "text speak." We know that a period at the end of a one-word text like "Okay." is an act of war. For these generations, frankly in a text is a deliberate choice. It’s perceived as "aggressive-formal." It's the linguistic equivalent of wearing a tuxedo to a backyard BBQ. It’s weird and makes everyone uncomfortable.
Real-World Examples of the "Frankly" Faux Pas
Let's look at some scenarios.
Scenario A: The Late Friend
Friend 1: "Hey, running 15 mins late again!"
Friend 2: "Frankly, it's getting a bit annoying."
Result: Friend 1 feels attacked and defensive. The night is already off to a bad start.
Scenario B: The Better Way
Friend 1: "Hey, running 15 mins late again!"
Friend 2: "Hey, I'm actually starving, can we try to be on time next time? It's tough waiting at the bar alone."
Result: Vulnerability over "frankness." Friend 1 feels bad but not attacked.
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See the difference? The first one uses "frankly" as a gavel. The second one actually communicates a feeling.
When Should You Actually Use It?
Is there ever a right time? Maybe.
If you are actually, truly, 100% done with a situation. If you are setting a hard boundary and you don't care about preserving the "warmth" of the relationship. In those cases, "frankly" is a great tool. It’s a bridge-burner.
"Frankly, I don't want to discuss this with you anymore."
That’s a full stop. It works because it's meant to be cold. It's meant to create distance. If that’s your goal, go for it. But if you’re trying to maintain a connection, keep that word out of your keyboard's auto-fill.
Actionable Takeaways for Better Texting
So, you want to stop accidentally offending people? Or maybe you want to know how to respond when someone "frankly's" you?
1. The 3-Second Rule
Before hitting send on a text containing an intensifier (frankly, honestly, truly, actually), wait three seconds. Read it back. Does it sound like you're being a "truth-teller" or just a bit of a jerk? If it’s the latter, delete the word.
2. Check Your Stress Levels
We tend to use more formal, aggressive language when we’re stressed. If you find yourself wanting to be "frank," you’re probably just frustrated. Address the frustration, not the "truth."
3. Use Emojis as Buffers
If you must use a word that carries weight, add a softening emoji. "Frankly, I'm confused 😅" is light years away from "Frankly, I'm confused." The emoji signals that you aren't actually mad, just genuinely lost.
4. Assume Positive Intent
When you receive a text that says frankly in a text, don't immediately spiral. Consider the source. Is it a family member who doesn't get "text vibes"? Is it a boss who is just busy? Don't let a single word ruin your day.
5. Call Instead
If a conversation has reached the "frankly" stage, it’s probably too complex for a text message. Pick up the phone. Tone of voice solves 90% of the problems that "frankly" creates.
Digital literacy isn't just about knowing how to use an app; it's about understanding the emotional weight of our words. We are all walking around with powerful communication tools in our pockets, but we rarely get the manual for the emotional impact of an adverb.
Stop using "frankly" as a weapon and start using your words to actually connect. Your group chat will thank you. Your partner will thank you. And honestly? You'll probably feel a lot less stressed when you stop trying to be the "truth-teller" and start just being a person.
Next Steps for Better Communication
Audit your recent sent messages for "tone-shifters" like frankly, obviously, or clearly. Identify the people you use these with most often—it's usually a sign of underlying tension in that specific relationship. Moving forward, replace these words with "I" statements or simply remove them to see how the dynamic shifts toward a more collaborative tone.