Let's be real. Buying a piece of silicone or glass and expecting it to solve your life is a lot of pressure to put on an object. Honestly, the first time using a dildo is usually a mix of high expectations and a fair bit of "wait, am I doing this right?" It’s not like the movies. There aren’t rose petals everywhere, and you probably won't reach some transcendental state of being in the first five minutes. It’s a skill. You’re basically learning to use a new tool, like a high-tech kitchen gadget, but for your pelvis.
People overcomplicate it. They read these overly clinical guides that make it sound like surgery. It isn't. But if you go in dry or too fast, you're going to have a bad time. Curiosity is great, but preparation keeps things from getting awkward or painful.
The gear matters more than the marketing
Don’t just buy the first thing you see on a clearance rack. Material science is actually a big deal here because your internal tissues are incredibly absorbent. Non-porous materials are the gold standard. We’re talking medical-grade silicone, borosilicate glass, or stainless steel. Why? Because porous materials like "jelly," "cyber-skin," or PVC have tiny microscopic holes. Bacteria love those holes. You can’t ever truly get them clean, and they often contain phthalates, which are chemicals used to make plastic flexible but can cause irritation or hormonal issues.
Go for silicone. It warms up to your body temperature, it’s velvety, and it lasts forever if you treat it right.
Size is the other trap. Everyone thinks they want the "Mega-Thrust 9000," but your body needs to acclimate. If it’s your first time using a dildo, start with something small to medium. Think about the girth more than the length. Your vaginal or anal muscles need to relax to accommodate something new, and starting with a literal baseball bat is a recipe for a bad Sunday afternoon.
Lube is not optional
If you think you have enough lube, you’re wrong. You need more. Friction is the enemy of pleasure in this specific scenario. Since we’re recommending silicone toys, you have to use water-based lubricant.
- Silicone-on-silicone is a disaster. The silicone lube will actually dissolve the surface of your silicone toy, making it pitted and ruined.
- Water-based options like Sliquid or Good Clean Love are solid choices because they don't have glycerin or parabens, which can cause yeast infections for some people.
- Apply it to yourself and the toy. Don't be shy.
Setting the scene without being weird about it
You don't need candles. You don't need a Barry White playlist. You just need privacy and a lack of a deadline. If you're checking your watch because you have a Zoom call in twenty minutes, your pelvic floor is going to be as tight as a drum. Stress is a physical sensation. When you're stressed, your muscles contract.
Try a warm bath first. It’s a cliché because it works. It raises your core temperature and helps those deep pelvic muscles let go.
How to actually start your first time using a dildo
Don't just aim and fire. That’s how you get hurt. Start with your hands. You need to get your blood flowing to the area first—this is called vasocongestion. When you're aroused, the vaginal walls actually "tent" and expand, and the cervix moves out of the way. If you try to insert a toy while you're "cold," you're hitting a wall.
- Warm up. Spend 10 or 15 minutes doing whatever else makes you feel good.
- The "Door Knock." Take the tip of the toy and just rest it against the opening. Don't push. Just let your body get used to the sensation of the material.
- The Angle. Most people don't realize the vaginal canal isn't a straight line up; it curves slightly toward the small of your back. Aiming toward your tailbone usually feels much more natural than aiming straight "up" toward your belly button.
- Breathing. If you feel resistance, stop. Take a deep breath. Exhale. On the exhale, try to slide it in just a little further.
It might feel "full." That’s normal. It shouldn’t feel sharp. If it feels sharp, stop immediately and check your lube levels. You might also just need a smaller toy, and there is zero shame in that.
Exploration vs. Performance
This isn't a porn set. You don't have to move the toy at 100 miles per hour. Try different things.
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- Rotation: Sometimes twisting the toy feels better than the standard in-and-out.
- Vibration: If your toy vibrates, start on the lowest setting. High-intensity vibration can sometimes "numb" the nerves if you jump straight to the max setting.
- External stimulation: Most people with vaginas need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. Using a dildo internally while using a vibrator or your hand externally is usually the "secret sauce" for a successful first time.
Cleanliness is next to... well, safety
Once you're done and the endorphins are hitting, don't just throw the toy back in the drawer.
Wash it. Immediately.
Warm water and mild, unscented soap are usually fine for medical-grade silicone. You can also buy specific "toy cleaners," which are basically just convenient sprays. If it’s 100% silicone (and doesn't have a motor inside), you can actually boil it for three minutes to completely sterilize it. Just don't do that with a vibrator, or you’ll have a very expensive, melted paperweight.
Dry it off with a lint-free towel or just let it air dry. If you put it away wet, you’re asking for mold, even on silicone. Store it in a breathable cloth bag. Avoid plastic baggies; they trap moisture.
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Common "Oh no" moments
It is very common to feel like you have to pee. This is usually just the toy pressing against your bladder or the G-spot (the Sponge). If you actually went to the bathroom before you started, you're fine—it’s just a sensation.
You might also have some light spotting if it’s your first time or if you were a bit rough. If it’s a lot of blood or it hurts the next day, talk to a doctor. But a tiny bit of pink on the tissue? Usually just a sign that the tissue was a little dry or stretched. More lube next time.
Why it might not have felt "Amazing"
If your first time using a dildo was a bit "meh," don't sweat it. It takes time to figure out what angles work for your specific anatomy. Everyone is built differently. Some people have a retroverted uterus, some have a high cervix, some have high muscle tone. It’s a learning curve.
Actionable Steps for Success
- Verify your toy's material. If the packaging doesn't say "100% Medical Grade Silicone," be cautious. Look for a brand that is transparent about its manufacturing.
- Invest in a high-quality water-based lube. Skip the "warming" or "tingling" lubes for your first time; they often contain irritants like menthol or capsicum that can cause a burning sensation you definitely don't want.
- Pee after. Just like after sex, peeing helps flush out any bacteria that might have been pushed toward the urethra, reducing your risk of a UTI.
- Check in with yourself. If at any point you feel bored, uncomfortable, or just "over it," stop. You don't owe the toy an orgasm.
The goal is to understand your own body better. The toy is just an accessory to that process. Take it slow, use way too much lube, and keep your expectations grounded in reality. Comfort leads to pleasure, never the other way around.