Let’s be real for a second. Most of what we learn about pleasure comes from a mix of awkward health class diagrams and whatever we happen to stumble across on the internet, which is usually... intense. But when you’re actually alone in your room, trying to figure out the best way to finger myself, it can feel a little clinical or even confusing. Is there a "right" way? Not really, because bodies are weird and unique. However, there is definitely a way to make it feel a whole lot better than just "poking around" and hoping for the best.
Pleasure is a skill. It’s not just an instinct. You have to learn the landscape of your own body, and that takes a bit of patience and, honestly, a lot of lube.
It starts way before you actually touch anything
Most people make the mistake of jumping straight to the "main event." They think the goal is just to reach a finish line as fast as possible. That's a trap. If your body isn't actually aroused, the tissue isn't going to be receptive. For many, the "best way" involves about twenty minutes of doing literally anything else. Read something spicy. Listen to an audio story. Think about that one person. Get your heart rate up a little bit.
When you’re aroused, blood flow increases to the pelvic region. This is called vasocongestion. It makes everything more sensitive and—crucially—it makes the vaginal walls more elastic. If you try to skip this, it’s just skin on skin, which can end up feeling more like an itch than an orgasm.
Why your brain is the biggest sex organ
Seriously. If you’re stressed about your to-do list or worried someone is going to walk through the door, your nervous system is in "fight or flight" mode. You can’t reach peak pleasure when your body thinks it needs to run from a tiger. Set the vibe. Lock the door. Turn on some music so you aren't listening for every floorboard creak.
The mechanics of the "come hither" motion
If you’re looking for the G-spot (which is actually more of a zone than a specific "spot"), the most effective technique is usually the "come hither" motion. You insert one or two fingers—palm facing up toward your belly button—and curl them toward you.
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It's located about one to two inches inside the anterior (front) wall of the vagina. It’s not a smooth surface. It usually feels a bit textured or ridged, kind of like the roof of your mouth. When you find it, you don't just keep doing the same thing. You vary the pressure. Start light. Then, as you get more into it, you can get a bit more firm.
Some people find that using two fingers—the index and middle—gives a bit more surface area and feels more "full." Others prefer just the middle finger because it's longer and can reach different angles. Honestly, it's worth trying both to see what your body reacts to.
Don't ignore the clitoris
Here is a huge fact: about 75% to 80% of people with vulvas do not reach orgasm from internal penetration alone. If you are focusing entirely on "fingering" as an internal act, you’re missing the powerhouse of the whole operation. The clitoris has over 8,000 nerve endings. That's way more than the penis.
The best way to finger myself almost always involves a "combo platter." Use one hand for internal stimulation and the other for the clitoris. Or, use your thumb on the clitoris while your fingers are inside.
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- Circular motions: Use the pads of your fingers, not the tips.
- Side-to-side: Some people like a "flicking" motion, though that can be too much for some.
- Pressure variation: Start with the lightest touch possible. Think of it like a whisper.
The lube conversation (it's not optional)
I cannot stress this enough: use lubricant. Even if you think you’re "wet enough," a little extra slide makes everything better. Natural arousal fluid can dry up surprisingly fast once you start moving, leading to micro-tears or just annoying friction.
Water-based lubes are the standard because they’re easy to clean and safe with toys. Silicone-based lubes last longer and feel silkier, but they can be a pain to wash off and can ruin silicone toys. Just stay away from anything with "warming" or "tingling" agents unless you know for a fact your skin isn't sensitive. Most of the time, those just end up burning.
Dealing with the "I'm about to pee" feeling
This is a huge barrier for a lot of people. When you start stimulating the G-spot or the urethral sponge, you might feel a sudden, intense urge to urinate.
That's normal.
It doesn't actually mean you're going to pee. It’s usually a sign that you’re hitting the right spot. If you can lean into that feeling instead of tensing up and stopping, that is often the doorway to a much more intense orgasm or even "squirting," which is just fluid released from the Skene’s glands. If you're worried about the mess, just put a towel down. Honestly, the fear of making a mess is the number one reason people stop right before they get to the best part.
Trimming your nails is a safety requirement
This isn't just about aesthetics. It's about safety. The skin inside the vagina is incredibly delicate. Even a tiny jagged edge on a fingernail can cause a scratch that leads to an infection or just a lot of stinging the next time you go to the bathroom.
If you have long acrylics, you’re not out of the game, but you have to be way more careful. Some people use "finger cots" (like tiny condoms for your fingers) or even a latex glove to keep things smooth.
Rhythm and the "plateau" phase
Once you find a rhythm that feels good, stay there. This is where a lot of people mess up. They think, "Oh, this feels great, let me try something else!" No. If it feels good, keep doing exactly that.
You’ll likely hit a plateau where it feels like you're right on the edge. Your breathing will get shallower. Your muscles might tense up. This is the moment to either maintain your speed or slightly increase the pressure. Don't overthink it. Just stay in the zone.
Changing positions
Sometimes the best way to finger myself isn't lying flat on your back.
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- Prop your hips up: Put a pillow under your butt to change the angle of your pelvis. This makes it easier for your fingers to reach the G-spot.
- The "squat": Doing this in the shower while squatting can change the internal shape of the vaginal canal and give you a totally different sensation.
- On your stomach: Some people like the "grinding" sensation of being on their stomach while using their fingers underneath them.
Aftercare isn't just for partners
Once you’re done, take a second. Don't just jump up and check your email. Your body just went through a massive neurological event. Drink some water. Go pee (this helps flush out any bacteria to prevent UTIs).
If you didn't reach an orgasm, that's fine too. Seriously. Masturbation is about exploration, not just a result. If you spent twenty minutes learning what you don't like, that's still a win for your future self.
Next Steps for Success:
- Conduct a "Sensation Map": Spend 10 minutes touching different areas (inner thighs, labia, clitoris, different depths) without the goal of climaxing. Note what feels "sharp," "dull," or "electric."
- Invest in Quality Lube: Grab a bottle of pH-balanced, water-based lubricant to see how much it changes the friction levels.
- Check Your Nails: File down any rough edges and wash your hands thoroughly with unscented soap before your next session.
- Focus on Breath: Practice deep belly breathing while you explore; it keeps the pelvic floor muscles from over-tensing, which can actually block sensation.