Finally It Happened to Me: The Psychology of Success and Why We Wait

We've all been there. You’re staring at a screen, a positive pregnancy test, a signed contract, or maybe just a quiet sunrise in a city you never thought you’d reach. That sudden, sharp intake of breath happens. Your brain does a weird little skip. You realize, with a mix of relief and terror, that finally it happened to me.

It’s a bizarre human phenomenon. We spend years—sometimes decades—rigging the deck in our favor, yet when the winning card actually flips over, we act like it's a cosmic accident. Why? Because the gap between "wanting" and "having" is where most of us live our entire lives. When that gap closes, it’s a shock to the system.

Honestly, the phrase itself is a cultural staple. You probably hear CeCe Peniston’s 1991 house anthem "Finally" playing in the back of your head the second you read those words. But beyond the dance floor, there is a deep, psychological architecture to what happens when a long-awaited goal actually manifests. It isn't just about the "win." It’s about the identity crisis that follows.

The Arrival Fallacy and the Wait

Most people assume that "finally it happened to me" is the end of the story. In reality, it’s just the start of a very strange transition period. Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar, a Harvard-trained expert in positive psychology, coined a term for this: the Arrival Fallacy.

It’s the mistaken belief that reaching a destination—a promotion, a marriage, a weight loss goal—will result in sustained happiness. It doesn’t. You get a spike. A massive, beautiful spike of dopamine. Then, the "hedonic treadmill" kicks back in. You start looking for the next thing.

But let’s talk about that specific moment of arrival. It’s rarely like the movies. There’s usually no slow-motion montage. Instead, it’s often a quiet realization in a grocery store or at 2:00 AM while checking email. It’s the moment the "expected" becomes the "reality."

Why the wait feels so long

Have you ever noticed how time seems to dilate when you’re waiting for a breakthrough? Scientists call this "oddball effect" or time perception distortion. When we are intensely focused on a single outcome, every day that passes without it feels like a personal failure.

• The brain’s reward system (the ventral striatum) is actually more active during the anticipation of a reward than the reward itself.
• We are biologically wired to enjoy the hunt more than the kill.
• This is why, when "finally it happened to me," there’s often a weird sense of "Oh. This is it?"

The Reality of Professional Breakthroughs

Let’s look at a real-world example: the "overnight success" in the business world. Take James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits. People see the millions of copies sold and think it just happened. In reality, Clear wrote two high-quality articles a week for years before the "finally" moment arrived.

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When he finally hit the #1 spot on the New York Times Bestseller list, he didn't transform into a different human. He was still the guy who had to sit down and write. The breakthrough was a lagging indicator of years of work.

I’ve talked to founders who spent seven years in a garage. They describe the moment they got acquired not as a "champagne-popping" frenzy, but as a profound sense of exhaustion mixed with a "thank god that's over" sentiment. The "finally it happened to me" moment in business is usually less about glory and more about the cessation of chronic stress.

Dealing with the "Now What?" Syndrome

So, it happened. You got the thing. What now?

The day after a major milestone is notoriously depressing. Olympic athletes frequently report "post-Olympic blues." After years of training for a single 10-second window, the void left behind is massive.

If you’ve recently hit a milestone and find yourself feeling empty rather than elated, you aren't broken. You’re just experiencing the recalibration of your nervous system. Your brain has been running on "pursuit mode" for so long that it doesn't know how to operate in "maintenance mode."

Navigating the Identity Shift

When you say finally it happened to me, you are acknowledging that you are no longer the person who is trying. You are now the person who has.

This requires a complete rewrite of your internal narrative. If you’ve spent ten years being "the struggling artist," who are you once you’re "the successful artist"? The struggle was your fuel. Without it, many people self-sabotage just to get back to the familiar feeling of the climb.

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The Science of Luck vs. Preparation

We love to credit luck. It makes us feel humble. Or, if it hasn't happened to us yet, it gives us an excuse.

But researchers like Dr. Richard Wiseman, who spent a decade studying "luck," found that people who eventually experience "finally" moments aren't necessarily luckier—they just have a higher "surface area" for luck to hit. They try more things, talk to more people, and stay in the game longer.

Preparation meets opportunity. It’s a cliché because it’s true. If you aren't ready when the door opens, the door just closes again. The "finally" moment is usually the result of a thousand tiny, invisible "no's" that eventually turned into a "yes."

Real Stories: The Quiet "Finally"

I remember talking to a woman who had tried to conceive for six years. When she finally saw the positive test, she didn't scream. She didn't cry. She went and made a piece of toast.

She told me, "I had spent so long imagining the moment that when it actually occurred, I felt like I was watching a movie of someone else's life."

That’s the nuance of the human experience. We expect fireworks, but we often get a profound, heavy silence.

Common Misconceptions

1. It will fix everything: It won't. If you were anxious before the "finally" moment, you’ll likely be anxious after, just about different things.
2. The feeling lasts: The "high" usually lasts about 72 hours. After that, your brain starts looking for the next problem to solve.
3. Everyone will be happy for you: This is a hard one. Your "finally" moment can act as a mirror to others' "not yet" moments. It can be lonely at the finish line.

What to Do Once it Happens

If you are currently standing in the middle of your finally it happened to me moment, here is how to handle it without losing your mind.

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First, acknowledge the shock. Don't rush into the next goal. Your brain needs time to catch up to your reality. Sit with the achievement. Tell yourself, "I am here now."

Second, audit your circle. Notice who celebrates with you and who suddenly gets very busy. Success is a fantastic filter for friendships.

Third, re-evaluate your 'Why.' If your entire identity was wrapped up in the pursuit, you need to find a new reason to get out of bed. This is the perfect time to pivot from "attainment" to "contribution."

Practical Steps for the Post-Breakthrough Phase

Stop. Just stop for a second.

• Document the feeling. Write down exactly how it feels—the good and the weird. You’ll forget the nuance of this moment within six months.
• Don't make big decisions. People often make impulsive "victory" purchases or life changes immediately after a breakthrough. Wait 30 days. Let the adrenaline clear your system.
• Identify the new "normal." Define what your life looks like now that this hurdle is cleared. What habits do you keep? Which ones were only necessary for the struggle?
• Check your health. The "let-down effect" is real. When high stress finally ends, the immune system often crashes. Take your vitamins, sleep more than you think you need to, and hydrate.

The journey to saying finally it happened to me is often grueling, messy, and frankly, quite boring. It’s a series of mundane choices that eventually compound into a life-changing event. When you get there, don't be surprised if it feels different than you imagined. That’s just the price of growth.

The most important thing is what you do with the "after." A breakthrough is a platform, not a recliner. Use the momentum. The world is different now because you reached the other side.

Actionable Next Steps

1. Create a "Post-Arrival" Routine: Within 48 hours of your breakthrough, establish a simple, grounding routine (like a morning walk) to prevent the "Now What?" depression from settling in.
2. Conduct a Value Audit: Re-read your goals. If you've achieved a major one, cross it off and spend a week not replacing it. Give yourself the gift of a temporary vacuum.
3. Express Specific Gratitude: Identify the three people who helped you during the "not yet" phase. Send them a physical note or a specific message explaining how their support led to this moment.
4. Manage the Adrenaline: If you feel "wired" or unable to sleep after your success, use bilateral stimulation (like walking or swimming) to help your nervous system process the surge of neurochemicals.