Sex is messy. It’s supposed to be. But few things have sparked as much frantic Googling, locker-room debate, and genuine confusion as the phenomenon of a man making a woman squirt. Some people think it’s a myth. Others swear it’s just urine. A few think it’s the "holy grail" of the bedroom experience. Honestly, the reality is a mix of biology, chemistry, and a whole lot of misunderstood anatomy.
If you’ve spent any time on the more adult corners of the internet, you’ve seen the dramatized version. It’s often portrayed as a firehose event, usually triggered by about thirty seconds of rhythmic movement. That’s not real life. In the real world, female ejaculation—and the distinct but related "squirting"—is a nuanced physical response that doesn’t happen for every woman, and that's perfectly okay. It isn't a requirement for a good time. It’s a biological quirk that’s finally getting some actual scientific attention.
The Science of the "Splash"
Let's get the anatomy straight. We aren't talking about one single thing here. Researchers like Dr. Samuel Salama and his team in France have used ultrasound technology to see what’s actually happening in real-time. In a 2014 study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, they found that the fluid expelled during squirting often starts in the bladder.
Wait. Does that mean it’s just pee?
Not exactly. While the fluid contains urea and creatinine (the stuff in urine), it also frequently contains Prostate-Specific Antigen (PSA) and prostatic acid phosphatase. These are enzymes typically associated with the male prostate. Women have an equivalent: the Skene’s glands, sometimes called the female prostate. These glands sit near the urethra. When a woman is highly aroused, these glands can produce a thick, milky fluid.
The "squirting" most people talk about is usually a larger volume of clear fluid. The ultrasound studies showed that the bladder fills up during arousal and then empties rapidly during the release. It's a complex cocktail. It’s a mix of that Skene’s gland secretion and highly diluted urine. It’s a physiological reflex, not a failure of bladder control.
Why Technique Matters More Than Luck
You can’t just "force" this to happen. It’s not a button you press. When a man is helping a partner reach this level of arousal, it’s usually about the G-spot (or the urethral sponge). This area is located about one to two inches inside the vagina on the anterior (front) wall.
It feels different. It’s textured.
To engage it, most experts suggest a "come hither" motion with the fingers. But here’s the kicker: pressure is key, but so is tension. Many women report that the sensation feels like they need to urinate. This is where most people stop. They get nervous. They pull back. But for squirting to occur, a woman usually needs to "push through" that sensation in a relaxed, safe environment. If she’s worried about the sheets, her brain will stay in "lockdown mode."
The Role of the Skene’s Glands
The Skene’s glands are the unsung heroes here. They vary in size from woman to woman. Some women have very active glands; others have ones that are barely there. This is why some women squirt easily and others never do, regardless of the partner’s "skill." It’s literally down to the plumbing you were born with.
Communication and the "Pressure" Problem
The biggest mistake men make? Turning it into a goal.
When you make squirting the "finish line," you add performance anxiety to the bedroom. That’s a mood killer. Sex therapist Dr. Nan Wise often discusses how the brain-body connection is the most important part of any sexual experience. If a woman feels like she has to perform a certain way to please her partner, her sympathetic nervous system (the "fight or flight" side) kicks in. You need the parasympathetic nervous system (the "rest and digest" side) to be in charge for this kind of release.
Talk about it. But talk about it outside the bedroom first.
Ask her what she likes. Ask her if she’s ever experienced it. If she hasn’t, don’t make it a "mission." Make it an exploration. Use plenty of lubrication. Use towels. Lots of them. Knowing the bed is protected allows for a mental "letting go" that is absolutely required for the muscles to relax enough to allow the fluid to pass.
Breaking Down the Misconceptions
There are a few lies we need to kill off right now.
- It’s a sign of a "better" orgasm. False. Some of the most intense orgasms involve no fluid at all. Conversely, some women can squirt without even reaching a full climax.
- Every woman can do it. Unlikely. As mentioned, the size and placement of the Skene’s glands vary wildly.
- It’s "gross." It’s biology. If you’re worried about the cleanup, you aren't ready for the reality of human intimacy.
How to Set the Stage
If you’re both interested in exploring this, start with the basics.
Hydration is a factor. It sounds silly, but you can't expel fluid if you're dehydrated.
Focus on the build-up. This isn't a "quickie" phenomenon. It usually requires a high level of sustained arousal. Think of it like a pot of water coming to a boil. If you keep turning the heat off and on, it’ll never bubble over.
The "Come Hither" Motion. Use two fingers, palm up, and apply firm, rhythmic pressure to the front wall of the vagina.
Listen to her body. If she says it’s too much, it’s too much. The sensations can be very intense—sometimes bordering on overstimulating.
Real-World Logistics
Let’s be practical. If you’re successful, things are going to get wet. Using a "sex blanket" or a waterproof throw is a game changer. It takes the "Oh no, the mattress!" thought out of her head.
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Also, understand the post-event reality. There might be a "refractory period" where she is extremely sensitive. Don't just jump back into heavy stimulation. Give her a minute. High-quality intimacy is about the aftercare just as much as the act itself.
Actionable Steps for Partners
If you want to approach this with your partner in a healthy, productive way, follow this loose framework:
- Ditch the Porn Expectations: Realize that what you see on a screen is often edited or even staged with water props. Focus on the person in front of you.
- Prioritize Relaxation: Spend 20 minutes on foreplay before even thinking about the G-spot. The body needs to be primed.
- The "Push" Instruction: If she says she feels like she has to pee, encourage her to let go or gently "push" against your fingers. This is often the moment the release happens.
- Vary the Pace: Don't just go at one speed. Speed up, slow down, change the pressure. See what makes her breath hitch.
- Validate the Experience: Regardless of whether fluid is produced, focus on the pleasure. If the night ends with a standard orgasm (or just a lot of laughing), call it a win.
Understanding female ejaculation requires stripping away the myths and looking at the anatomical reality. It’s a combination of the Skene's glands' secretions and the bladder's response to intense stimulation. It’s a natural, healthy, and varied part of human sexuality that belongs to the person experiencing it—not just a trophy for the partner facilitating it. Focus on the connection and the physical comfort of your partner, and let the biological chips fall where they may.