It hits everyone differently. One person might feel like they’re vibrating out of their own skin while someone else just feels… nothing. Like a dial has been turned all the way down to zero. Honestly, the most frustrating thing about feelings after being sexually assaulted is how inconsistent they are. You think you're fine on a Tuesday, and by Wednesday, you're crying in the grocery store because the lighting feels too aggressive. It's exhausting.
People expect a linear path. You know the one: shock, then sadness, then "healing." But trauma doesn't work in straight lines. It’s more like a tangled ball of yarn that someone threw into a blender. You might feel "fine" for months. Then, a specific smell or a phrase someone says at work triggers a massive physiological response. This isn't you being "weak." It’s your nervous system doing its job, even if it feels like it’s betraying you.
According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN), the immediate aftermath is often characterized by Tonic Immobility. This is basically the "freeze" response. It’s a biological survival mechanism. If you didn't fight back, your brain likely chose the freeze path to keep you alive. That’s a fact. Yet, so many people carry crushing guilt because they didn't "do more." Understanding that your brain literally hijacked your muscles can be the first step in quietening that internal critic.
Why you might feel "nothing" at all
Dissociation is a trip. It’s like watching your life happen on a screen from the back of a dark theater. You’re there, but you’re not there. Many survivors report feeling "numb" or "floaty" in the weeks following an assault. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score, explains that the brain can actually shut down the areas responsible for self-awareness to protect you from overwhelming pain.
It’s a survival tactic.
But then the numbness wears off. When the feelings after being sexually assaulted finally rush back in, it can feel like drowning. You might experience hypervigilance. This is that "on edge" feeling where you’re constantly scanning the room for exits or checking the locks on your doors five times. Your amygdala—the brain's smoke detector—is stuck in the "ON" position. It’s looking for fires where there aren't any, because it’s terrified of being caught off guard again.
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The "Invisible" symptoms: Guilt and Shame
Shame is a liar. It tells you that if you hadn't been drinking, or if you hadn't worn that outfit, or if you hadn't gone to that person's house, things would be different. This is called Self-Blame. Psychologically, we do this because it gives us a false sense of control. If it was "our fault," then we can prevent it from happening again by changing our behavior. If it was just a random act of violence or a betrayal by someone we trusted, that means the world is unpredictable and scary.
The brain prefers the "it was my fault" narrative over the "I am not safe in an unpredictable world" narrative. It’s a messed up way of trying to feel powerful again.
Common emotional shifts:
- Intense Anger: You might find yourself snapping at people you love for no reason. This is often "displaced" anger. It’s safer to be mad at your partner for leaving the milk out than it is to process the rage you feel toward your attacker.
- Loss of Trust: Not just in others, but in yourself. You might wonder why your "gut feeling" didn't warn you.
- Depression: A heavy, weighted-blanket sort of sadness that makes getting out of bed feel like climbing Everest.
- Flashbacks: These aren't just memories. They are "sensory intrusions" where your body thinks the event is happening right now.
The physical side of emotional trauma
We talk about feelings after being sexually assaulted as if they only happen in the mind. They don't. Your body is a giant record player for trauma. You might deal with chronic headaches, digestive issues, or localized pain that doctors can't quite explain. This is the "soma" (body) reacting to the "psyche" (mind).
Sleep is usually the first thing to go. Insomnia or night terrors are incredibly common. When we sleep, our defenses are down. For a survivor, that’s a vulnerable state. So, the body stays awake to "protect" itself. It’s a exhausting cycle of fatigue and anxiety that feeds into itself.
Navigating the "Messy" Middle
There is no "back to normal." There is only a "new normal."
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Some days you’ll feel like you’ve conquered it. You’ll go out, laugh with friends, and feel like your old self. Then, a week later, you might spend three days unable to shower. This "yo-yo" effect is actually a sign of processing. You’re dipping your toes into the trauma, then pulling back when it gets too cold.
The National Center for PTSD notes that many survivors may develop Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, but many others experience "Post-Traumatic Growth." This doesn't mean the assault was "good"—it absolutely wasn't—but it means that as people rebuild their lives, they often find new depths of resilience or a different perspective on what matters. However, you don't have to grow from this. You just have to survive it. If "surviving" is all you do today, that is a massive victory.
Actionable steps for the "Now"
If you are currently navigating these emotions, logic won't always help, but grounding might.
Focus on the "5-4-3-2-1" technique. Identify five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste. This forces your brain to quit the "time travel" of a flashback and come back to the present room.
Control the controllables. When your autonomy is taken, regaining it in small ways helps. Choose exactly what you want for dinner. Choose your clothes. Decide who gets to talk to you today. Small acts of agency build up over time.
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Find a trauma-informed therapist. Not just any therapist. You need someone who understands "top-down" (talk) and "bottom-up" (body) processing. Look for specialists in EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) or Somatic Experiencing. These therapies focus on how the body holds onto the trauma, which is often more effective than just talking about it.
Set boundaries with the news and social media. If a story is triggering you, turn it off. You don't owe the world your awareness of every tragedy while you are trying to heal your own.
Acknowledge the "Secondary Injury." This is the pain caused by people's reactions—the "why didn't you leave?" or the "are you sure?" comments. These people are often reacting out of their own fear. They want to believe it couldn't happen to them. Their reaction is a reflection of their insecurity, not the truth of your experience.
The journey through the various feelings after being sexually assaulted is long and, frankly, it sucks. But the intensity does change. It shifts from a screaming noise to a dull hum. It takes time, a lot of self-compassion, and often professional support to get that volume down. You aren't "broken." You're a human being responding to an inhuman situation.
Resources for Immediate Support:
- National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 800-656-HOPE (Available 24/7)
- Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
- NSVRC (National Sexual Violence Resource Center): Provides extensive directories for local support centers.