Power is a weird thing. It’s the invisible glue in every office meeting, every friendship group, and definitely every political debate you've ever scrolled past. You see, everyone wants to rule something. Whether it’s just the remote control or a multinational corporation, that drive to sit in the driver's seat is baked into our DNA. It isn't just a catchy synth-pop lyric from the 80s; it’s a biological and sociological reality that explains why humans act the way they do.
We often pretend we don’t want power. It feels "dirty" to admit it. But look at how people behave in a grocery store line or a Zoom call. People fight for space. They fight for the last word. They fight for the right to define the narrative.
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The Biology of the Throne
Why is this happening? Basically, it’s about survival. Back when we were dodging predators, being the one in charge meant you got the best food and the safest place to sleep. Evolution doesn’t just forget that because we have iPhones now. Research from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology has shown that even in modern, egalitarian-leaning societies, individuals still subconsciously seek "social dominance orientation."
It’s a rush. When you feel like you’re in control, your brain rewards you. Dopamine hits hard. Serotonin levels rise. If you’ve ever felt that "king of the world" feeling after a promotion or even just winning a board game, you’ve felt the biological incentive of the rule.
But there’s a flip side. Chronic power-seeking can lead to what psychologists call "The Hubris Syndrome." This isn’t just being a jerk. It’s a genuine change in brain function where the person in charge loses the ability to empathize with those "below" them. They stop seeing people as people and start seeing them as chess pieces. It’s why some CEOs seem so detached from reality. They literally are.
The Cultural Obsession with Everyone Wants to Rule
You can’t talk about this without mentioning Tears for Fears. Their 1985 hit "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" captured a specific Cold War anxiety, but it stayed relevant because the core sentiment is timeless. The song isn't actually a celebration of power; it's a lament about its fleeting nature and the cost of ambition. Curt Smith and Roland Orzabal weren't just making a pop song; they were tapping into a collective realization that the desire for control often leads to our own undoing.
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Think about our media. Succession. Game of Thrones. House of Cards. We are obsessed with watching people try to rule. We love the backstabbing. We love the strategy. Why? Because it reflects the micro-politics of our own lives.
The Office Micro-Dictator
You know this person. They don't have a high-ranking title, but they "rule" the breakroom. They decide who gets invited to lunch. They control the flow of gossip. This is "informal power," and it’s often more influential than whatever it says on an organizational chart. In sociology, this is known as Referent Power. It’s based on interpersonal relationships rather than a crown or a corner office.
Honestly, we all do it. You’ve likely manipulated a conversation to get your way this week. Maybe you didn't even realize it. That’s the thing about the urge to rule—it’s often quiet.
The Cost of the Crown
Ruling is exhausting.
There is a concept in leadership studies called "Decision Fatigue." The more power you have, the more choices you have to make. Eventually, the brain just gives up. This is why Steve Jobs wore the same outfit every day—he wanted to save his "ruling energy" for things that actually mattered.
If you are constantly trying to control your environment, your stress levels—specifically cortisol—stay spiked. You’re always on guard. You’re always looking for the person who wants to take your spot. Because the truth is, if everyone wants to rule, then everyone is a potential competitor. It’s a lonely way to live.
- Relationship Strain: Power imbalances are the number one killer of marriages and friendships.
- Blind Spots: Leaders who refuse to be challenged eventually make catastrophic mistakes because nobody is brave enough to tell them they’re wrong.
- The "End" Problem: Every reign ends. Whether it’s retirement, an election, or just getting older, the loss of power can cause a total identity crisis for those who built their whole life around it.
When the Urge to Rule Goes Right
Is it always bad? Not necessarily.
The desire to rule can be channeled into "Empowerment Leadership." This is where someone uses their drive for control to create a better environment for everyone else. Think of a local community leader or a teacher. They are "ruling" their space, but the goal isn't ego—it's progress.
Expert on power dynamics and author Robert Greene (who wrote The 48 Laws of Power) argues that power is neither good nor evil—it’s just a tool. The problem isn’t that people want to rule; it’s that they don’t know why they want it or what to do with it once they get it.
Case Study: The "Flat" Organization
In the early 2010s, several tech companies tried "Holacracy"—a system with no bosses. Everyone was supposed to be equal. It mostly failed. Why? Because even without titles, natural leaders emerged. People wanted someone to rule because it provides structure and reduces chaos. We seem to have a dual nature: we want to be the boss, but we also feel safer when a competent person is in charge. It’s a paradox that defines human civilization.
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Practical Insights for Navigating Power
If you feel that itch to take control, or if you’re dealing with someone who is obsessed with ruling, you need a strategy. You can't just ignore it.
1. Audit your "Rule Zones"
Identify where you are trying to exert control. Is it at home? At work? On social media? Ask yourself if that control is actually making your life better or just adding stress. Sometimes, letting go of the need to rule a specific area is the most powerful thing you can do.
2. Watch for the "Small Wins" Trap
People who feel powerless in big areas of their life (like their career) often try to over-compensate by ruling small things (like how the dishwasher is loaded). If you find yourself getting irrationally angry over small stuff, it’s probably a sign that you feel out of control elsewhere.
3. Use "Soft Power"
You don't need to be a dictator to lead. Influence is often more effective than authority. Learn to listen more than you speak. People are much more willing to be "ruled" by someone they feel understands them.
4. Prepare for the Hand-off
Nothing lasts forever. If you are in a position of power, start mentoring your replacement now. It sounds counterintuitive, but the most successful "rulers" in history are those who knew when to step down and leave a legacy rather than a vacuum.
5. Recognize the Signal in Others
When someone is acting out or being "bossy," try to see it for what it is: an insecurity about their own agency. Once you realize their behavior is about their own need for control rather than a personal attack on you, it becomes much easier to manage.
Power is a game that never truly ends. We are all players, whether we like it or not. Understanding that everyone wants to rule doesn't mean you have to be cynical; it just means you're finally seeing the board clearly.