If you’ve spent any time on TikTok or watched the latest Netflix dramatization of the 1989 killings in Beverly Hills, you probably have questions about how Lyle and Erik Menendez actually live today. People are fascinated. They want to know if these two men, who have been behind bars for over thirty years, get any semblance of a "normal" family life. Specifically, everyone keeps asking: do the Menendez brothers have conjugal visits?
It’s a fair question.
Both brothers are married. Lyle has been married twice while incarcerated, first to Anna Eriksson and later to Rebecca Sneed. Erik married Tammi Menendez in a prison waiting room back in 1999. But here is the cold, hard reality of the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation (CDCR) rules: No. They don’t.
They never have.
Why the Menendez Brothers Are Denied Conjugal Visits
To understand why, you have to look at the specific sentencing of the brothers. In 1996, after a second trial that lacked the "abuse excuse" leeway of the first, a jury convicted them of first-degree murder. The judge sentenced them to life without the possibility of parole (LWOP).
That sentence changes everything.
In the California prison system, "Family Visits"—the official term for conjugal visits—are a privilege, not a right. These visits allow an inmate to spend 40 to 72 hours in a private, apartment-like unit on prison grounds with their legal spouse, children, or parents. It’s meant to maintain family bonds.
However, for a long time, California state law explicitly prohibited anyone serving a life sentence without the possibility of parole from participating in these visits.
Even when the rules shifted slightly over the years, the nature of their crime—a violent felony involving a firearm—kept them on the "restricted" list. While some non-violent offenders or those with a chance at parole can apply for these private stays, the Menendez brothers remain ineligible because of the "violent" nature of their convictions and the LWOP status.
Life at Richard J. Donovan Correctional Facility
For decades, the brothers were separated. Lyle was at Mule Creek State Prison; Erik was at Richard J. Donovan Correctional Facility in San Diego. In 2018, that changed. They were reunited in the same housing unit.
It was a massive moment for their family.
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But even though they can now see each other and share meals in the yard, their marriages remain strictly "contact-only" in the public visiting room. When Tammi Menendez or Rebecca Sneed visits, they can share a brief hug and a kiss at the beginning and end of the visit. They can sit across from each other at a table. They can hold hands.
That is the extent of it.
Honestly, the misconception that they get private time often comes from people confusing California’s rules with other states or simply assuming that because they are "famous" inmates, they get special treatment. They don't. If anything, the high profile of their case makes the prison administration stick even more strictly to the letter of the law.
The Evolution of California's Family Visit Policies
It's worth noting that California has actually been more "progressive" than most states regarding inmate rights. Only a handful of states—including New York and Washington—still allow any form of conjugal visits. Most of the country scrapped them decades ago, citing security concerns and the cost of maintaining the private trailers.
In 2016, there was a glimmer of hope for many families when the CDCR expanded eligibility for family visits. They started allowing certain life-termers to see their families privately.
But there was a catch.
The expansion didn't automatically cover those convicted of first-degree murder or those whose crimes were deemed particularly heinous by the board. The Menendez brothers' case, involving the shotgun deaths of Jose and Kitty Menendez, falls into a category that the state is very hesitant to grant leniency toward.
How Their Marriages Survive Without Privacy
You might wonder how a marriage lasts twenty years without any physical intimacy. Tammi Menendez has been very vocal about this in her book, They Said We’d Never Make It.
She describes their relationship as being built entirely on conversation and emotional support. They talk on the phone. They write letters. When she visits, they spend hours just talking about the outside world. It is a platonic-physical hybrid that most people in the free world would find impossible to maintain.
Lyle’s marriage to Rebecca Sneed follows a similar pattern. Sneed, who reportedly became an attorney after they met, has been a staunch advocate for his legal appeals. Their bond is forged in the trenches of the legal system rather than in the privacy of a bedroom.
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The New Legal Developments and Potential Impact
We are currently in a weird period for this case. With the emergence of the Roy Rosselló (of Menudo fame) allegations and the discovery of a letter Erik wrote to his cousin months before the murders, there is a real chance their sentences could be vacated or reduced.
If their sentence is ever changed from "Life Without Parole" to a sentence that includes the possibility of parole, the question of do the Menendez brothers have conjugal visits might finally have a different answer.
Under a "Life with Parole" status, they could potentially apply for family visits. It wouldn't be guaranteed—the prison warden still has the final say—but it would move from "legally impossible" to "potentially eligible."
Until then, they remain in a state of perpetual "contact visits."
The Realities of Prison Life in 2026
Prison in 2026 isn't exactly what it was in the 90s. The brothers have access to tablets. They can send electronic messages. This has bridged the gap between visits significantly. Lyle has been active in prison government, working to improve the conditions of the yard and creating a more rehabilitative environment. Erik has focused heavily on meditation and art.
They aren't just sitting in a dark cell waiting for a visit.
They have built lives within the walls. But those lives are lived in public. Every interaction they have with their wives is watched by a guard or captured on a security camera. There is no "off" switch for that level of surveillance.
Common Misconceptions About Inmate Perks
There’s this weird myth that high-profile inmates get "suites" or special rooms for their wives. It’s total nonsense.
If you visit someone at RJ Donovan, you go through the same grueling security process as everyone else. You stand in line. You get patted down. You sit in a room that smells like floor wax and industrial cleaner. You buy expensive, terrible snacks from a vending machine.
There are no "perks" for being a Menendez.
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In fact, being famous often makes you a target for both other inmates and guards who want to prove they can't be "bought" or swayed by celebrity. The brothers have had to navigate that balance for thirty years.
What Comes Next for the Brothers?
The Los Angeles District Attorney's office is currently reviewing the new evidence. If a judge decides to resentence them, they could theoretically walk free based on time served.
If that happens, the conjugal visit question becomes moot. They’d just be home.
But if the resentencing only moves the needle slightly—say, to a "50 years to life" sentence—they remain behind bars but with newfound rights. That is the scenario where the family visit units at RJ Donovan would suddenly become a part of their reality.
Actionable Takeaways and Realities
If you are following this case or researching the rights of the incarcerated, keep these facts in mind:
- Sentencing Dictates Rights: In California, LWOP (Life Without Parole) is the primary barrier to private family visits.
- Definitions Matter: A "conjugal visit" is officially called a "Family Visit" in the California system and includes more than just a spouse; it can include children and parents.
- State-Specific: Just because an inmate in another state gets private visits doesn't mean a California inmate does. Only about 4-5 states allow this practice at all.
- Public Record: You can actually look up the CDCR Operations Manual (Chapter 5, Article 7) if you want to see the exact regulations that govern how Lyle and Erik are allowed to interact with their wives.
The story of the Menendez brothers is far from over. As the legal system catches up with the new evidence of their alleged abuse, the conditions of their confinement will continue to be a focal point for activists and the public alike. For now, their marriages remain confined to the visiting hall, built on words and shared hope rather than private moments.
If you’re looking to support or understand the legal side of this, researching the "California Habeas Corpus" laws or following the updates from the DA’s office regarding their "Petition for Resentencing" is the best way to stay informed on whether their status—and their visitation rights—will ever change.
The brothers have spent more than half their lives in the system. Whether that system finally opens the door to their freedom, or just to a more private room, remains to be seen.
Next Steps for Research:
Check the official California Department of Corrections (CDCR) website for updates on "Title 15" regulations, which govern inmate visitation rights. These rules are updated periodically and reflect the current legal landscape for all inmates, including the Menendez brothers. You can also monitor the Los Angeles County Superior Court docket for Case No. SA000184 to see the latest filings regarding their potential resentencing.