If you’ve spent any time on TikTok or Netflix lately, you’ve probably seen the surge of interest in Lyle and Erik Menendez. It’s been decades since the 1989 killings of Jose and Kitty Menendez in their Beverly Hills mansion, but the case is more alive now than it was in the nineties. People are obsessed with the details. They want to know about the new evidence, the possible resentencing, and, quite frequently, the intimate details of their personal lives. One question pops up more than almost any other: do the Menendez brothers get conjugal visits? It's a valid question. Both brothers got married while behind bars. Both have spent the majority of their adult lives in the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation (CDCR). But the answer isn't a simple yes or no because prison rules in California have shifted dramatically over the last thirty years.
Honestly, the reality of "family visits"—which is the official term the prison system uses—is a lot more bureaucratic than the movies make it look.
The Short Answer for Lyle and Erik
No. For the vast majority of their incarceration, the Menendez brothers have not been allowed conjugal visits.
Why? Because for a long time, California state law and CDCR regulations explicitly banned "family visits" for inmates serving life sentences without the possibility of parole (LWOP). Since Lyle and Erik were both sentenced to LWOP following their 1996 conviction, they were automatically disqualified. They could see their wives. They could sit across a table. They could share a brief embrace at the start and end of a visit. But the private, overnight stays in the prison's on-site trailers? Those were strictly off-limits.
Things changed slightly in recent years, but not in the way you might think.
How California’s Conjugal Visit Rules Actually Work
California is one of the few states that even allows these visits. Most states scrapped them years ago, citing security concerns or the "tough on crime" rhetoric of the 1980s. In the CDCR, these are officially called Family Visits. They aren't just about sex, though that’s what the public focuses on. They are 40-to-72-hour stays in small, apartment-like units on prison grounds where inmates can cook meals and spend time with their spouses, children, or parents.
For decades, the Menendez brothers were stuck under a 1996 rule change. That year, the state decided that anyone convicted of a violent crime, a sex offense, or anyone sentenced to life without parole was banned from these visits.
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But then 2016 happened.
The California prison system modified its regulations. They started allowing inmates with "straight life" sentences (life with the possibility of parole) to have conjugal visits. While this was a massive win for many inmates, it still didn't help the Menendez brothers initially because their sentences remained "without the possibility of parole."
The Richard J. Donovan Factor
Lyle and Erik were famously separated for years. Lyle was at Mule Creek State Prison, and Erik was at Richard J. Donovan Correctional Facility in San Diego. In 2018, they were finally reunited. They are now both housed at R.J. Donovan.
Being in the same facility changed their daily lives, but it didn't change the visit rules. Even though they are now in a "non-designated acreage" facility that focuses on rehabilitation, the LWOP status is the ultimate barrier.
The Marriages of the Menendez Brothers
You might wonder how they even have wives to visit in the first place.
Lyle Menendez has been married twice. First to Anna Eriksson, a former model who started writing to him during his trial. They married in 1996 via a telephone ceremony. That ended in divorce after she reportedly discovered he was writing to other women. In 2003, he married Rebecca Sneed, a magazine editor who later became an attorney. They’ve been married for over two decades.
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Erik Menendez married Tammi Ruth Saccoman in 1999. Their wedding was held in a prison waiting room, and reports say their "wedding cake" was a Twinkie from a vending machine. Tammi has been one of Erik’s fiercest defenders, even writing a book called They Said We’d Never Make It: My Life with Erik Menendez.
Both women have spoken openly about the "sexless" nature of their marriages. They knew what they were getting into. They knew the rules. Tammi has gone on record saying that the lack of physical intimacy is a challenge, but that the emotional connection is what sustains them.
The Legal Shift That Could Change Everything
Right now, there is a massive legal movement to get the brothers resentenced. Los Angeles County District Attorney George Gascón announced in late 2024 that his office would review new evidence—specifically a letter Erik wrote to his cousin months before the killings, alleging abuse by his father, and allegations from a former member of the band Menudo, Roy Rosselló.
If the brothers are resentenced to "life with the possibility of parole" instead of "without," their world flips upside down.
- They would likely be eligible for a parole hearing immediately due to "youthful offender" laws in California (since they were under 26 at the time of the crimes).
- Their security classification would change.
- They would finally become eligible for conjugal visits.
If that sentence changes, the ban that has defined their last 30 years evaporates. They would be able to apply for those 48-hour family visits with Rebecca and Tammi.
Why This Matters for Rehabilitation
Experts like Dr. Sharon Cooper and various prison reform advocates argue that family visits are one of the most effective tools for reducing recidivism. When inmates maintain a bond with the outside world, they are less likely to cause trouble inside.
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For the Menendez brothers, who have become model inmates—Lyle running government groups within the prison and Erik working with hospice patients and painting murals—the lack of conjugal visits hasn't stopped them from "rehabilitating." But for the state, these visits are often used as a "carrot" to encourage good behavior.
Since the brothers already have spotless records, the argument from their legal team is basically: what are we even waiting for?
Common Misconceptions
People often think "conjugal visit" means a quick hour in a private room. That’s not how California does it. It’s a literal house-sitting job where you cook and sleep in a trailer. You have to provide your own food. You have to be searched multiple times. It’s not "romantic" in the traditional sense.
Another misconception is that their fame gets them special treatment. If anything, it’s the opposite. High-profile inmates are often under more scrutiny. The CDCR doesn't want to look like they are being soft on the "Beverly Hills killers."
What Happens Next?
The status of do the Menendez brothers get conjugal visits is currently "No," but it’s a "No" with an asterisk. That asterisk is the pending decision from the L.A. Superior Court.
If the judge agrees to the resentencing recommendation, the brothers won't just be looking at a possible release date; they’ll be looking at a total shift in their rights as prisoners.
Actionable Takeaways for Following the Case:
- Monitor the Resentencing Hearing: The outcome of the court dates in 2025 and 2026 will dictate their eligibility for family visits.
- Understand CDCR Title 15: This is the "rulebook" for California prisons. Section 3177 covers Family Visiting. If you want to see the exact requirements the brothers would have to meet, that’s where to look.
- Differentiate Sentence Types: Remember that in California, "Life" and "Life Without Parole" are two different legal universes. Until that "Without" is scrubbed from their record, the trailer visits remain a dream.
- Follow Official CDCR Statements: Avoid tabloid rumors about "secret visits." The CDCR logs every visitor, and "family visits" require months of paperwork and background checks for the spouses. There are no shortcuts.
The Menendez case is a moving target. As the legal system catches up with the public's changing perception of their claims of abuse, the "perks" of their incarceration—including the right to a private life with their wives—will be the first thing to change.