Ever walked into a room and felt the air change because two massive egos just collided? It’s electric. It’s also usually a disaster waiting to happen. People often wonder do narcissists like other narcissists, assuming that like attracts like, or perhaps that they’d see right through each other and run for the hills.
The reality? It’s complicated.
Actually, it’s a bit of a psychological rollercoaster. At first, it looks like a match made in heaven—or at least in a very high-end mirror. They get each other. They speak the same language of grandiosity. But that "honeymoon" phase has a very specific expiration date.
The "Birds of a Feather" Phase
Social psychologists have actually looked into this. There’s this concept called the similarity-attraction hypothesis. Basically, we tend to like people who are like us. For most people, that means sharing hobbies or values. For narcissists, it means finding someone who validates their inflated sense of self.
Back in 2016, a study published in Personality and Individual Differences found that people with high levels of "Dark Triad" traits—narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy—actually rated others with similar traits more favorably. They don’t see the red flags as warnings. They see them as badges of "alpha" status.
Imagine two people who both think they are the smartest person in the room. In the beginning, they don't fight for the crown. Instead, they form an alliance. "If I’m royalty, and I’m hanging out with you, you must be royalty too." It’s a closed loop of ego-stroking.
Why Do Narcissists Like Other Narcissists Initially?
It comes down to validation.
Most people find narcissists exhausting. They get tired of the constant need for praise and the lack of empathy. But another narcissist? They get it. They don’t expect deep emotional intimacy because they aren’t looking for it themselves.
They like the "status" of the other person.
A high-functioning narcissist wants a partner who looks good on their arm. They want someone who commands respect. If a male narcissist who prides himself on wealth meets a female narcissist who prides herself on beauty and social influence, they don't see a competitor. They see a trophy.
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- They mirror each other's energy.
- The conversation is fast, flashy, and superficial.
- There's an unspoken agreement: "I'll acknowledge your greatness if you acknowledge mine."
But don't be fooled. This isn't love. It’s a merger.
The Turning Point: When the Mirror Cracks
So, do narcissists like other narcissists long-term? Honestly, rarely.
The problem is that narcissism is fundamentally about being the best. Not one of the best. THE best.
Eventually, the "trophy" partner starts to outshine the other. Or, more likely, one of them needs actual emotional support. That's when the wheels fall off. Since neither party has a well of empathy to draw from, the relationship becomes a desert.
The very traits they initially admired—the confidence, the ruthlessness, the self-focus—become weapons. They start "narcissistic competition." It’s no longer about being a power couple; it’s about who has more control.
The Devaluation Cycle
Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a leading expert on narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), often talks about the cycle of idealization and devaluation. When two narcissists are together, this cycle happens in stereo.
- Idealization: "You are the only one who understands my brilliance."
- Competition: "Why are they looking at you and not me?"
- Devaluation: "You're actually pathetic and insecure."
- Discard: The final blowout.
It’s brutal.
Can Two Narcissists Actually Stay Together?
Believe it or not, some do. But "staying together" and "liking each other" are two different things.
You’ve probably seen these couples. They’re the ones who stay married for 40 years while constantly sniping at each other in public. They stay because the cost of leaving is too high. Maybe it’s the shared assets. Maybe it’s the "brand" they’ve built.
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Sometimes, they stay because they’ve reached a "Mutual Parasitism."
One provides the money; the other provides the social standing. They live separate lives under one roof. They don't like each other, but they like the lifestyle the other person facilitates. It’s a business arrangement disguised as a romance.
The Narcissistic Friendship
It’s not just about romance. Do narcissists like other narcissists as friends?
In a friendship, the stakes are lower. You don't have to share a bank account or a bed. This allows the "admiration society" to last longer. You’ll see groups of narcissistic individuals who hang out because they all want to be seen at the right places.
But these friendships are incredibly fragile.
The moment one friend gets a promotion, a better car, or more "likes" on social media, the envy kicks in. Narcissists don't feel "compersive"—that feeling of joy when someone else succeeds. They feel diminished by it.
The friendship usually ends in a "smear campaign." One will tell everyone how the other is "actually totally insecure" or "fake." It’s a preemptive strike to protect their own ego.
What Research Says About Long-Term Compatibility
A study by Horton and Sedikides (2009) explored the "narcissistic admiration" vs. "narcissistic rivalry" dynamic.
They found that while narcissists might be drawn to the "admiration" side of others (the charm and boldness), they are repelled by the "rivalry" side (the tendency to put others down). Since every narcissist eventually resorts to rivalry to maintain their hierarchy, the attraction is doomed to flip into repulsion.
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It’s a biological and psychological paradox.
Spotting the Dynamic
If you're looking at a couple and wondering if you're seeing two narcissists in the wild, look for these signs:
The Performance. Everything feels staged. Their photos are too perfect. Their stories are too polished.
The Lack of Vulnerability. You will never hear them admit a mistake or talk about a genuine fear. Everything is a "win" or a "lesson they learned because they're so evolved."
The Shared Enemy. Nothing unites two narcissists like hating the same person. They will bond over how "stupid" or "lazy" everyone else is. It’s a way to feel superior together.
Moving Forward: Actionable Insights
If you find yourself in the orbit of a narcissistic duo, or if you're worried about these patterns in your own life, here is how to handle it:
Don't get caught in the crossfire. When two narcissists start to turn on each other, they often try to recruit "flying monkeys"—people to take their side. Stay neutral. Don't believe the gossip from either side.
Observe, don't absorb. If you have to work with or live near these types, treat it like a nature documentary. "Ah, look, the Greater Spotted Ego is now asserting dominance over the Lesser Crested Narcissist." Detachment is your best friend.
Check your own "Mirroring." Sometimes we attract narcissists because we are people-pleasers. We give them the validation they crave. If you find yourself constantly "liking" a narcissist who never "likes" you back (metaphorically or literally), it's time to set a boundary.
Focus on empathy-based connections. Real liking—real love—requires empathy. It requires being able to say, "I'm sorry," and "I'm happy for you," and actually meaning it. Narcissists struggle with this because their internal world is a constant battle for survival.
The answer to do narcissists like other narcissists is that they like the reflection of themselves they see in the other person. But once that reflection starts to show a few wrinkles or, worse, starts to look better than the original, the "love" vanishes. They don't like people. They like mirrors. And mirrors are easily broken.