You know that feeling when a piece of gaming history just sort of vanishes into the memory hole? It happens with weird tie-ins all the time. Back in the early 2000s, THQ was throwing everything at the wall to make Crypto a household name. One of the strangest, most niche relics of that era involves the Destroy All Humans They Can't Be Regenerated promo cards that popped up around the launch of the original 2005 title.
People forget how edgy the marketing was back then. Crypto wasn't just a mascot; he was a middle finger to 1950s Americana. To push the game, THQ didn't just buy TV spots. They leaned into the trading card craze that was still lingering from the late 90s. These weren't for a full-blown standalone TCG, though. They were promotional artifacts, often tucked into magazines or handed out at events like E3 or GameStop manager conferences. If you find one in a shoebox today, you're looking at a very specific snapshot of mid-2000s "attitude" gaming.
Why These Cards Are Actually Hard to Find
Most "collectible" promos from that era ended up in the trash. It's the truth. Kids opened their copies of Game Informer or Official PlayStation Magazine, saw a cardboard insert for a game they might not even own yet, and tossed it. That’s why the Destroy All Humans They Can't Be Regenerated promo cards carry a weirdly high "nostalgia tax" on the secondary market now. They weren't overproduced like modern "limited editions" that have print runs in the millions.
The phrase "They Can't Be Regenerated" wasn't just a catchy line; it was a mechanical threat in the game's lore. Humans were a resource to be harvested for Furon DNA. The cards reflected this. They featured art that looked ripped straight from a B-movie poster—saturated oranges, deep shadows, and Crypto looking smug. Honestly, the print quality on some of these was surprisingly high for what was essentially disposable marketing material.
I've seen collectors argue about the "true" set list for these promos for years. Because they were distributed through different channels—some via pre-order bonuses at EB Games, others through magazine inserts—tracking down a "complete" run is a nightmare. There wasn't a master checklist included. You just had to be there.
The Art Style and Cultural Context
Look at the aesthetic. It’s "Atomic Age" meets "Early Digital." The 2005 era of gaming was obsessed with a specific kind of bloom lighting and high-contrast character models. The cards capture this perfectly. They usually feature Crypto-137 wielding the Zap-O-Matic or the Abducto Beam, surrounded by terrified, blocky-looking humans.
One specific card that pops up in enthusiast circles depicts the "Majestic" agents. These were the Men in Black types that served as your primary antagonists. On the card, the flavor text (when it existed) leaned heavily into the dark humor the series is known for. It mocked the fragility of the human race. It's grim. It's funny. It's very 2005.
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The scarcity isn't just about the number of cards printed. It's about the condition. Cardboard from twenty years ago doesn't age well if it isn't sleeved. Most of these cards have "soft corners" or "whitening" along the edges because they weren't treated like Magic: The Gathering staples. They were treated like toys. Finding a Gem Mint 10 version of a Destroy All Humans They Can't Be Regenerated promo card is basically like finding a needle in a haystack, except the haystack is made of old gaming magazines and dried-up glue.
The THQ Connection
THQ was a beast at this kind of marketing. They didn't have the budget of an EA or an Activision, so they had to be scrappy. This meant weird cross-promotions. Sometimes these cards were bundled with other THQ hits of the time, like Full Spectrum Warrior or Juiced. It’s a mess for archivists.
If you're hunting for these, you're usually looking for the "standard" 3.5 by 2.5-inch size, but there were also oversized postcards that some people mistake for the promo cards. The actual cards have a distinct "gloss" to them. If it feels like flat paper, it’s probably a recorte from a magazine or a bootleg. Real promos have that specific "snap" when you flick the corner.
Values and the Secondary Market
Don't expect to retire on these. We aren't talking Pikachu Illustrator levels of money here. But for a dedicated fan of the series—the kind of person who bought the Destroy All Humans! 2: Reprobed giant Furon Edition—these cards are the holy grail of "paper" collectibles.
Pricing is all over the place. On eBay, you might see a single card go for $10 one week and $50 the next. It depends entirely on who is looking at that exact moment. Since there's no major grading body that specializes in "Mid-Tier Video Game Promo Cards," most sales are raw.
- The Crypto-137 Primary Promo: Usually the most common, but also the most in-demand because it's the face of the franchise.
- The Saucer Variant: Harder to find. Features the iconic UFO over a farm.
- The "Human" Victim Cards: These are often the rarest because they were seen as less "cool" at the time and were the first to get thrown away.
How to Spot a Real Promo Card
Because the Destroy All Humans They Can't Be Regenerated promo cards are so old, the risk of "fakes" is actually pretty low—it's just not profitable enough for scammers to bother. However, "reprints" or fan-made versions exist. You want to look for the copyright date. It should say 2004 or 2005. If it says 2020 (the year of the remake), it’s a modern collectible, not the original promo.
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The original cards have a very specific "halftone" dot pattern if you look at them under a jeweler's loupe. Digital printers in 2005 were different than they are now. The colors should look slightly "warm." If the blacks are too deep and the lines are too sharp, it might be a modern fan print.
Preservation Tips
If you actually own one of these, please, for the love of the Furon Empire, put it in a penny sleeve and a top loader. Acid-free materials are a must. Cardboard is organic; it wants to rot. It wants to absorb the moisture from your basement.
I’ve seen incredible collections ruined because someone left their Destroy All Humans They Can't Be Regenerated promo cards in a binder with PVC sleeves. PVC "sweats" chemicals that eat the ink off the card. You’ll end up with a blurry, sticky mess that smells like a shower curtain.
The Impact of the 2020 Remake
When Black Forest Games and THQ Nordic brought the franchise back a few years ago, interest in the original 2005 promos spiked. New fans wanted to see where it all started. This led to a bit of a "gold rush" in old gaming forums. People were digging through their attics hoping to find that one specific card they got at a midnight launch event.
The remake actually released its own set of physical goodies, but they don't have the same "soul" as the 2005 originals. There's something about the lo-fi, slightly janky charm of the early 2000s prints that modern high-def collectibles can't replicate. It was a time when gaming felt like the Wild West, and Crypto was the perfect outlaw for it.
Actionable Steps for Collectors
If you're looking to start a collection or verify what you have, here is how you should handle it.
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First, check the back of the card. Many of these promos had "Game Features" or "Release Dates" printed on the reverse side. If the back is blank, it’s almost certainly not an official THQ promo. The official ones were marketing tools; they never wasted the "real estate" on the back of the card.
Second, join specific "dead" game forums or retro-collecting groups on Discord. The mainstream "Pokémon" or "Magic" groups won't know what you're talking about. You need the people who still have their original Xboxes plugged into CRT TVs.
Third, use "Search Saved" features on marketplaces. These cards don't pop up every day. You have to be patient. Use keywords like "Destroy All Humans Promo," "Crypto Card 2005," and "THQ Promotional Material." Sometimes sellers don't even know what they have and will list them as "random game cards."
Lastly, don't overpay for "graded" versions unless the slab is from a reputable company like PSA or CGC, and even then, verify the serial number. There have been instances of people "self-slabbing" cards to trick people into thinking they are professional grades.
The Destroy All Humans They Can't Be Regenerated promo cards are a weird, beautiful slice of gaming history. They remind us of a time when games were loud, obnoxious, and obsessed with probing. Whether you're a hardcore Furon loyalist or just a fan of 2000s kitsch, these cards are worth the hunt. Just make sure you keep them away from the cows.