If you’ve ever screamed the lyrics to "For the Love of a Daughter" in your car, you know it isn't just another pop song. It’s a gut-punch. It’s raw. And for Demi Lovato, it was a public reckoning with a man who was both a villain and a victim in their own life story.
The relationship between Demi Lovato and Patrick Lovato was never simple. It wasn't just "estranged" or "bad." It was a chaotic, heartbreaking cycle of addiction, mental illness, and a daughter’s desperate wish for a dad who could actually show up. When Patrick passed away in 2013, the world expected a standard tribute. Instead, they got the truth.
The Early Years: A House Divided
Dianna De La Garza, Demi’s mom, didn't hold back in her memoir, Falling with Wings. She described a marriage to Patrick that was volatile from the jump. We aren't just talking about arguments. We’re talking about an enraged Patrick slamming a door so hard on Dianna’s hand that she actually lost a finger.
Demi was just 18 months old when Dianna finally left.
Growing up in that shadow is heavy. Demi has been open about how they chased fame partly to get back into Patrick’s "line of sight." If they were famous enough, maybe he’d stay? Maybe he’d be proud? It’s a classic trauma response, but in the glaring light of Disney Channel stardom, it became a pressure cooker.
👉 See also: Beyoncé with No Makeup: What Most People Get Wrong About Her Real Skin
Why the "For the Love of a Daughter" Lyrics Hit So Hard
You can hear the desperation in the tracks. Demi literally begs, "Father, please father, put the bottle down."
Patrick struggled with undiagnosed bipolar disorder and schizophrenia, according to Demi’s later interviews. He used drugs and alcohol to cope. It’s a story we hear often, but that doesn't make it any less devastating for the kid waiting by the phone. By 2007, Demi made the choice that many children of addicts eventually have to: they set a boundary. They stopped talking to him.
The 2013 Turning Point
When Patrick Lovato died of cancer in June 2013, Demi was 20. They hadn't spoken to him in years.
That kind of loss brings a specific type of grief. It’s not just "I miss you." It’s "I miss the person I wanted you to be." Demi admitted to being "conflicted" because he was abusive and mean, yet they knew he had a "good heart" buried under layers of untreated sickness.
"To know that it wasn't fully his fault really was saddening to me," Demi shared in a 2015 video. "He knew he wasn't capable of raising a family."
Instead of just mourning, Demi did something practical. They launched the Lovato Treatment Scholarship Program in his honor. The goal? To pay for treatment for people struggling with mental health and addiction—the very things that stole Patrick from his family.
Stepdads and Redefining "Father"
While the biological connection with Patrick was fraught, the "dad" role was filled by Eddie De La Garza.
Eddie married Dianna in 1995. He’s the one who actually did the work. He raised Demi, supported their career, and provided the stability Patrick couldn't. On Father’s Day 2021, Demi posted a tribute to Eddie, calling him "the man who raised me."
But they also posted about Patrick.
Demi shared that some days they regret not making that final call to their biological father. Other days? They’re proud of themselves for protecting their peace. That’s the nuance of healing. You can love someone and still know they aren't safe to be around.
The Forgiveness Letter
In 2020, Demi revealed they wrote a "gratitude letter" to Patrick.
💡 You might also like: Britney Spears Instagram: Why the Pop Queen Keeps Disappearing (and Coming Back)
It sounds counterintuitive. Why thank someone who caused so much pain? But Demi explained it was about releasing resentment. They thanked him for the things they did get from him—their musical talent, their drive, maybe even the resilience that comes from surviving a tough childhood.
Honestly, it seems like that was the moment the "daddy issues" finally started to lose their grip.
Lessons We Can Take Away
If you’re navigating a relationship as messy as the one between Demi Lovato and Patrick Lovato, there are a few real-world takeaways from Demi's journey:
- Boundaries aren't "mean." Demi felt guilty for years about not calling. But those boundaries kept them sane during their own recovery from eating disorders and addiction.
- Mental illness explains, but doesn't excuse. You can acknowledge someone is sick without letting them continue to hurt you.
- Grief isn't a straight line. It’s okay to feel sad about a parent who was "bad" to you.
- Forgiveness is for you, not them. Writing that letter didn't change who Patrick was; it changed how much power his memory had over Demi.
The story of Demi and Patrick is basically a blueprint for how to handle "complicated" family dynamics in the public eye. It isn't about a happy ending. It's about a healthy one.
To start your own process of navigating difficult family boundaries, try journaling specifically about "The Person vs. The Illness." Distinguishing between who someone was and what their addiction/illness made them do can often be the first step toward releasing the heavy resentment Demi talked about.