You’re sitting at a table. There’s a d20 in your hand, its edges slightly sharp against your palm. Across from you sits a stranger who just described their Half-Orc Paladin’s tragic backstory with a level of sincerity that, in any other context, would be deeply weird. But here? It’s charming. This is the world of Dates and Dungeons, and honestly, it’s probably the most efficient way to figure out if you actually like someone.
Dating is broken. Everyone knows it.
The endless swiping on apps feels like a second job that doesn't pay. You meet for coffee, you ask the same four questions about their siblings and their career goals, and you leave feeling like you just interviewed a mid-level manager for a position that doesn’t exist. Dates and Dungeons flips that script by forcing you to actually do something. You aren't just talking about yourself; you’re navigating a trap-filled corridor in a crumbling ruin while trying to decide if the person sitting next to you is the kind of person who heals the party or loots the gold while everyone else is dying.
That tells you a lot more than a LinkedIn profile ever could.
The Psychology Behind Dates and Dungeons
Why does this work? It’s not just about being a nerd. There’s some serious social science at play here. When you play a tabletop role-playing game (TTRPG) like Dungeons & Dragons, you enter a state of "cooperative play." According to researchers like Dr. Jennifer Kilkus, who has explored the therapeutic benefits of TTRPGs, these games provide a "safe container" to experiment with identity and social interaction.
In a standard dating scenario, your "social mask" is cranked up to 100%. You’re performing. In Dates and Dungeons, you’re still performing, but you’re performing as a character. Paradoxically, this lets the real you leak out. You’ve probably seen it: the guy who acts like a gentleman on the apps but turns into a power-tripping rules lawyer the second a combat encounter starts. Or the quiet girl who reveals a wicked sense of humor and incredible strategic thinking when the party is cornered by a Beholder.
🔗 Read more: Finding the Right 5 Letter Words Beginning With UN to Win Your Next Game
It’s a shortcut to intimacy. You’re skipping the small talk and going straight to shared problem-solving.
How These Events Usually Go Down
If you walk into a Dates and Dungeons event expecting a basement full of guys who haven't showered, you're living in 1985. The modern scene is incredibly diverse. You’ll see teachers, software engineers, baristas, and nurses. Most of these events—like those organized by groups such as Dungeons & Dragons & Dating or various "Geek Speed Dating" outfits—structure the night around "encounters."
Basically, you spend 15 to 20 minutes at a table with a small group. You have a mini-objective. Maybe you have to talk your way past a guard. Maybe you have to solve a riddle. Then, the bell rings, and you rotate.
It’s fast. It’s chaotic. It’s fun.
The beauty is that the "awkward silence" is killed before it can even start. If you don't know what to say to the person next to you, you can just talk about the Orc. "Hey, do you think we should use the Fireball now or save it?" is a much better icebreaker than "So, what do you do for fun?" because it requires an immediate, collaborative answer. You're building a shared history, even if it’s a fake one that only lasts twenty minutes.
The "Red Flags" You See in Game
Honestly, I’ve learned more about potential partners in one hour of Dates and Dungeons than in three weeks of texting. TTRPGs are a microcosm of personality. Keep an eye out for these things:
- The Spotlight Hog: Does this person let others speak? If they spend the whole encounter describing their character's "epic" moves while talking over everyone else, they’re probably going to be a nightmare in a long-term relationship.
- The Rules Lawyer: If someone stops the fun to argue about a +1 modifier for five minutes, they might be a bit too rigid for real life.
- The Murder Hobo: This is a classic D&D term for players who just kill everything they see. If their first instinct for every problem is "I stab it," well, maybe they lack a little nuance in their conflict resolution.
- The Team Player: This is the gold standard. Do they help the person who is new to the game? Do they use their turn to set someone else up for a win? That’s the person you want to go get a drink with afterward.
Logistics: What You Actually Need to Know
You don't need to be an expert. Most Dates and Dungeons organizers provide pre-generated character sheets. You don't need to know the difference between a Dexterity saving throw and a Wisdom check. The "Dungeon Master" (the person running the game) is there to handle the math.
Your only job is to show up and be a human.
I’ve seen people show up in full cosplay, which is bold, but most people just wear what they’d wear to a casual bar. It’s about comfort. If you’re worrying about your uncomfortable shoes, you aren't going to be focused on the Chimera attacking your party.
The cost is usually comparable to a movie ticket and a popcorn, maybe $20 to $40 depending on the venue. Some events include a drink ticket. Compared to the $100 you might drop on a dinner date that ends in a "we should do this again sometime" text that never leads anywhere, it’s a bargain.
The Critics and the Skeptics
Look, some people think this is "cringe." They think dating should be "natural." But what is natural about sitting across from a stranger in a loud bar trying to yell your life story over a remix of a Dua Lipa song?
Nothing.
The biggest limitation of Dates and Dungeons is that it attracts a specific "type." If you aren't into fantasy, sci-fi, or gaming, you're going to have a bad time. You have to be willing to lean into the silliness. If you’re too "cool" to pretend to be an Elf for an hour, you’re going to be the person ruining the vibe for everyone else.
Also, it’s worth noting that while these events are great for breaking the ice, they aren't a magic bullet. You still have to do the hard work of actually dating once the game is over. The "game" part just gets you past the first three dates' worth of posturing in one night.
Actionable Steps for Your First Session
If you’re ready to try Dates and Dungeons, don’t just jump in blindly.
First, find a reputable organizer. Look for events at local game stores or through "geek culture" Meetup groups. Read the reviews. You want a place that prioritizes safety and inclusivity. A good event will have "Safety Cards" (like the X-Card) on the table so people can signal if a topic makes them uncomfortable.
Second, don’t play a character that is exactly like you. It’s boring. Play someone slightly bolder or more outgoing. It’ll give you the "social lubricant" you need to interact with strangers without the hangover.
Third, take the initiative after the game. If you had a good dynamic with someone during a combat encounter, tell them. "Hey, your move with the greataxe really saved my Cleric. Want to go get a real-life drink?" It’s a built-in compliment. Use it.
Finally, be patient with the process. You might not find the love of your life at your first Dates and Dungeons event. You might just find a new D&D group. And honestly? In this economy, a consistent D&D group is almost as valuable as a spouse.
Stop swiping. Start rolling. The worst thing that happens is you lose some imaginary gold and have a decent story to tell. The best thing? You find someone who actually understands why you’d spend your Saturday night pretending to be a wizard. And that's worth the risk of a natural one.
Practical Checklist for your first event:
- Bring your own dice if you have them—it’s a great conversation starter.
- Hydrate. Roleplaying involves a lot of talking.
- Learn the basics of "Yes, and..." improv. It makes the game (and the date) flow better.
- Check the age range of the event. Some are for 20s-30s, others are all ages.
- Be honest about your experience level. Most people love teaching "newbies."