Most leadership books are basically just long-winded ways of saying "work harder" or "be more charismatic." They’re filled with fluff. But then you hit Dare to Lead by Brené Brown, and things get uncomfortable. Fast. Brown didn’t just write this based on a vibe; she spent seven years researching thousands of pieces of data to figure out why some teams thrive while others just sort of exist in a state of quiet desperation.
Leadership is lonely. It’s scary.
Most people think being a leader means having all the answers. It doesn't. Honestly, if you have all the answers, you’re probably not leading anyone toward anything new. You’re just managing a status quo that's likely already decaying. Brown argues that leadership is about the courage to develop the potential in people and processes. That’s it. But "courage" isn’t just a buzzword here. It’s a measurable, teachable skill set that requires you to stop pretending you’re invincible.
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The Myth of the Armored Leader
We’ve been lied to about what "professional" looks like. We’re told to leave our emotions at the door. We’re told to wear "armor." In Dare to Lead by Brené Brown, this armor is identified as the biggest barrier to actual innovation. Think about it. When you’re busy protecting yourself—worrying about looking smart, avoiding blame, or maintaining a "perfect" image—you aren't taking risks. You’re playing defense.
You can’t be brave and safe at the same time.
Brown talks about "rumbling with vulnerability." This isn't some touchy-feely circle time where everyone cries. A rumble is a gritty conversation. It’s staying in the messy middle of a conflict rather than checking out or getting aggressive. Most managers "armor up" by using perfectionism as a shield. They think if they do everything perfectly, they can avoid criticism. It’s a trap. Perfectionism is just a twenty-ton shield that we lug around, thinking it will protect us, when in fact it’s the thing really preventing us from being seen.
Why Vulnerability is Actually a Business Metric
Let’s get practical. If your employees are afraid to tell you that a project is failing, you lose money. If your team is too scared of looking stupid to suggest a radical new idea, you lose your competitive edge. In the world of Dare to Lead by Brené Brown, vulnerability is defined as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. Does that sound like every single high-stakes business meeting you’ve ever been in?
It should.
There is zero innovation without failure. And there is zero failure without vulnerability. When we build cultures where "shame" is the primary management tool—using sarcasm to belittle ideas or "cc-ing" the boss on an email to prove a point—we kill creativity. Brown found that in organizations where vulnerability is seen as a weakness, people spend a massive amount of their time and energy "hustling" for their worthiness. They’re performing rather than producing.
Living Into Your Values
A lot of companies have "values" printed on posters in the breakroom. They’re usually words like Integrity or Innovation. They’re basically useless.
Brown argues that for values to matter, they have to be practiced. You have to translate those big words into specific behaviors. If "Honesty" is a value, but you don't have a mechanism for people to give the CEO bad news without getting fired, then "Honesty" is just a lie you tell yourself. In her research, she found that leaders who could name two core values—just two—were much more likely to stay "in the arena" when things got difficult. Having too many values is the same as having none. It’s about focus.
The Power of the "Shitty First Draft"
One of the best concepts in the book is the "SFD" or Shitty First Draft. Our brains are hardwired to make up stories when we don’t have all the information. If your boss walks past you in the hall and doesn't say hello, your brain immediately writes a story: "I'm getting fired. They hated that report I sent yesterday."
Brown suggests we own our stories.
By saying, "The story I'm telling myself right now is..." you give yourself permission to be wrong. It opens up a conversation. Instead of stewing in resentment for three days, you tell your colleague, "Hey, the story I'm telling myself is that you're annoyed with me because I missed the deadline." Usually, the other person says, "No, I just have a migraine." It saves hundreds of hours of wasted emotional energy. It’s a simple tool, but it’s incredibly hard to use because it requires—you guessed it—vulnerability.
Braving Trust (The Anatomy of Connection)
Trust isn't a grand gesture. It’s not some big "trust fall" exercise. It’s built in tiny, microscopic moments. Brown uses the acronym BRAVING to break down what trust actually looks like in a work environment:
- Boundaries: I trust you because you’re clear about what’s okay and what’s not.
- Reliability: You do what you say you’re going to do. Consistently.
- Accountability: You own your mistakes, apologize, and make amends.
- Vault: You don’t share information that isn't yours to share. (If you gossip to me, I know you’ll gossip about me).
- Integrity: Choosing courage over comfort.
- Non-judgment: I can ask for help without you thinking less of me.
- Generosity: Assuming the most generous contribution of others' intentions.
Most people think they are trustworthy, but they aren't great at trusting others. It’s a two-way street. If you’re a micro-manager, you’re essentially telling your team, "I don't trust you." And guess what? They won't trust you back.
Learning to Rise
Failure is inevitable if you’re actually "daring to lead." The problem is that we usually wait until we've already failed to teach people how to get back up. That’s like trying to teach someone how to swim while they’re drowning in the middle of a lake. Dare to Lead by Brené Brown emphasizes "Rising Strong" as a prerequisite for leadership.
You have to know how to handle the fall before you ever step into the arena.
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This involves recognizing the physical sensation of being "hooked" by an emotion. Maybe your chest gets tight. Maybe your face gets hot. Instead of lashing out or shutting down, you breathe. You acknowledge the emotion. You get curious about it. This kind of emotional intelligence is often dismissed as "soft skills," but as Brown famously says, "Soft skills are the hard skills." They are the ones that determine whether a team stays together under pressure or shatters into a million pieces.
The Problem With "Clear is Kind"
This is perhaps the most famous quote from the book. "Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind." We think we’re being nice when we avoid giving tough feedback. We tell ourselves we don't want to hurt the other person’s feelings. In reality, we’re just being selfish. We’re avoiding the discomfort of a difficult conversation. By not being clear about expectations or performance issues, we set people up to fail. That is the definition of unkindness.
A true leader has the courage to be direct. Not mean—just clear. If someone isn't meeting the mark, they deserve to know exactly where the mark is and how they’re missing it. Giving someone a "participation trophy" for a failing project isn't leadership; it’s a lack of backbone.
Actionable Steps for Daring Leaders
If you’re ready to stop armoring up and start leading, you can't just read the book and call it a day. You have to change how you show up on Monday morning.
Identify your armor. Next time you’re in a meeting and feel the urge to be sarcastic, cynical, or "know-it-all," stop. That’s your armor. Ask yourself what you’re trying to protect. Are you afraid of looking unprepared? Are you trying to deflect blame? Recognizing the armor is the first step toward taking it off.
Adopt the "Story I'm Telling Myself" language. Try this with a peer or a direct report this week. When a conflict arises, lead with your internal narrative. It lowers the stakes and prevents the other person from becoming immediately defensive. It’s a game-changer for conflict resolution.
Define your two core values. Don't pick ten. Pick two. Write them down. Then, look at your calendar for the last week. Did your actions align with those values? If one of your values is "Family" but you stayed at the office until 9:00 PM every night, you aren't living into your values. You’re just wishing you were.
Practice "Clear is Kind." Find one conversation you’ve been avoiding because it’s "uncomfortable." Prepare for it by writing down exactly what needs to be said. Don't sugarcoat it. Don't wrap it in a "compliment sandwich"—which Brown argues is actually quite ineffective because people just wait for the "but." Just be clear.
Audit your "Vault." Pay attention to how much you gossip. Even "work gossip" about a difficult client or a lazy coworker erodes trust across the whole team. If you want a culture of trust, you have to be the person who doesn't talk behind people's backs. Period.
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Leadership is a choice. It’s not a title. You can lead from the mailroom or the C-suite. But you can't lead without being brave, and you can't be brave without being vulnerable. It’s a tough pill to swallow for a lot of high-achievers, but the data doesn't lie. The future belongs to the leaders who are willing to take off the armor and actually show up.