You hear it in every HR meeting. You see it in every political apology. "We do not condone this behavior." It sounds official. It sounds stern. But honestly, most of us use the word as a lazy synonym for "support" or "like," and that’s not quite right.
To condone something is more subtle and, frankly, a bit more dangerous. It isn’t about cheering someone on. It’s about looking the other way. It is the art of the shrug. When you condone an action, you are basically saying, "I know this is wrong, but I’m going to let it slide anyway."
Think about a roommate who never does the dishes. You don’t like the mountain of crusty plates. You certainly don't support the presence of fruit flies. But if you never say anything and just wash them yourself every Tuesday? You are condoning the mess. You’ve accepted it as a part of your reality. That distinction matters because it shifts the focus from the person doing the wrong thing to the person allowing it to happen.
The Actual Definition and Where It Came From
Etymology usually puts people to sleep, but this one is actually helpful. The word comes from the Latin condonare, which means "to give away" or "to remit a debt." In a legal sense, it used to be specifically about forgiving a physical or financial offense.
By the time it hit Middle English, it morphed into a way of describing the act of overlooking an offense without actually providing a formal pardon. It’s the difference between a judge throwing out a case and a cop seeing you go 5 miles over the limit and deciding he’d rather finish his coffee than pull you over. He condoned your speeding.
The dictionary—looking at Merriam-Webster or Oxford here—will tell you it means to treat something bad as acceptable or harmless. But in common usage, we’ve wrapped it in a layer of moral judgment. If you condone something, you are now seen as an accomplice.
Silence as an Admission of Guilt
Why do we care so much about this word in 2026? Because "silence is complicity" has become a dominant cultural theme.
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If a company finds out a manager is being a jerk to interns and they don’t fire him because he "gets results," they are condoning harassment. They aren't saying the harassment is good. They aren't putting "be mean to interns" in the employee handbook. They are simply deciding that the cost of stopping it is higher than the cost of letting it continue.
This happens in sports all the time. Look at the history of various professional leagues. When a star player gets in trouble off the field, the team's response is often a masterclass in condoning. They issue a statement saying they "investigate all claims," but then the player starts on Sunday anyway. By keeping the player on the roster, the organization has effectively condoned the behavior, regardless of what their PR department says.
Condone vs. Condonation: The Legal Trap
In the world of law, specifically divorce law, this word gets very heavy. There’s a concept called condonation.
Imagine a spouse cheats. The other spouse finds out, gets angry, but then says, "I forgive you," and they go back to living as a married couple. If they later try to sue for divorce based specifically on that act of adultery, the court might say, "Nope. You condoned it." By resuming the relationship, you legally wiped the slate clean. You can't use a forgiven act as a weapon later.
It’s a "use it or lose it" policy for outrage.
Why We Get It Confused with "Pardon" or "Excuse"
We tend to group these words into one big bucket of "forgiveness," but they live on different streets.
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- Excusing implies there was a good reason. "I’m sorry I’m late; there was a 10-car pileup." You aren't condoning the lateness; you’re explaining it away.
- Pardoning is a formal release from consequences. It’s an active, official "you are off the hook."
- Condoning is passive. It’s the absence of a "no."
It’s the most passive-aggressive word in the English language. It’s the "okay, whatever" of moral philosophy.
The Social Cost of Looking Away
We see this play out in small social circles. Maybe you have that one friend who always makes "edgy" jokes that actually just feel like insults. If the group laughs—or even if everyone just stays quiet and waits for the moment to pass—the group has condoned the behavior.
Harvard psychologist Mahzarin Banaji has talked extensively about "blindspots" and how we implicitly allow behaviors that align with our social or professional interests. We don't want to be the "killjoy." We don't want to cause a scene. So we condone.
But condoning creates a new baseline. Once you let something slide once, it becomes the new "normal." This is how toxic cultures start. It’s never one giant explosion of bad behavior; it’s a thousand tiny moments where people decided to condone a minor infraction until the minor stuff became major.
How to Stop Condoning (Without Being a Jerk)
You don’t have to be a vigilante. You don't have to scream at every person who cuts in line at the grocery store. But understanding that your silence has a "weight" is the first step toward better communication.
If you find yourself in a situation where you feel you are condoning something that sits wrong with your stomach, try the "Observation Without Judgment" technique. Instead of saying "You’re being a jerk," try "I noticed you did X, and it makes me feel Y."
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It’s harder to do in a corporate setting. In those cases, the act of not condoning often involves "going through the channels." If you see a safety violation at work and you don't report it, you are condoning a dangerous environment. If someone gets hurt later, that's partly on the person who stayed silent.
Practical Steps for Clearer Communication
Stop using the word "condone" when you actually mean "support."
- Check your "Sliding" Scale: Ask yourself, "Am I allowing this because it’s truly okay, or because I’m afraid of the confrontation?"
- Speak in the Moment: The longer you wait to address a behavior, the more you have "condoned" it in the eyes of others.
- Clarify Your Stance: If you have to allow something for a specific reason (like a legal requirement), be explicit. "I am not condoning this, but we are legally bound to follow this process until X date."
- Audit Your Values: If your company's mission statement says one thing, but your daily actions condone another, your mission statement is just expensive wallpaper.
The power of the word condone lies in its ability to expose the gap between what we say we believe and what we actually tolerate. Next time you use it—or next time you hear a politician use it—look for that gap. That’s where the truth usually lives.
Next Steps
Take a look at your own daily interactions. Are there "small" things you’ve been ignoring that have actually become standard operating procedure? Write down three boundaries you've allowed to blur over the last month. Once you identify where you've been condoning behavior that doesn't align with your goals, you can start the process of resetting those expectations through direct, honest conversation.